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This is the Get A Six-Figure Job You Love podcast, episode 32, intentional self-confidence. Hey there.
Welcome to the Get a Six-Figure Job You Love podcast. I’m your host, Natalie Fisher. I’m a certified
career mindset coach who also happens to want to skip all the BS and get to what it really takes to
create real results for you and your career.
On this podcast, you will create real mindset shifts that will lead to big results and big changes in
your career and your income. No fluff here. If you want to get a six-figure job you love and create real
concrete results in your industry and make a real impact, you’re in the right place. Are you ready? Let’s
Hello. Welcome back to the podcast this week. Super, super excited to talk about this topic. So
everybody has this issue of low self-confidence at one point in their lives or another, and it takes work to
not have it. It takes more work to develop self confidence than it does anything else I think. And the
reason why we don’t have high self-confidence is because of what I’m going to teach you in this podcast.
From working with hundreds of people, this is just what happens.
As humans, we’re inherently just wired with this fear that we’re not good enough. And it’s a
thing we just have, and apparently everybody has this, unless you’re a sociopath, I hear this is the truth.
So everybody worries that they’re not good enough, that people are going to judge them, that they’re
not going to be able to meet expectations. Unless you’re a sociopath, and then apparently you don’t
care about any of that.
So welcome to being a human, a healthy human with a human brain. So on that or some level
you might not feel good enough. You feel like you’re afraid you might fail, because that might mean
you’re not good enough. So with that being said, where our brains want to go is always to what we don’t
have, why something we want to do will not work. Why we can’t. It’ll always go to that one person who
told us something that made it feel like we weren’t going to be capable, to like the one person that said
something negative or discouraging, or maybe three people, maybe more that. I say that. So one person
said that, and my client will be like, “No, no, no. Three or four people said it.” There’ll be arguing for why
they can’t. It’ll often be like a recruiter said it, or it’ll be like, I don’t have, it’s not possible because. I’m
not whatever enough. I haven’t done it before.
What we end up doing is, on autopilot, seeking evidence to prove that we’re not good enough,
that we can’t do it, and that it’s not possible and that we’re confused. We don’t know how, or we did it
wrong. We might fail. We don’t want to try again. You might have regrets about your past. This sounds
like I should have done this better, or I wasted time. I missed opportunities. I’m a failure. I was wrong.
This is where our brain wants to go. So deep rooted and the negative takes root so much faster
and quicker than the positive. Right? And we can have a million positive comments. This happened to
me when I started my YouTube channel and it started to pick up so many people were saying, “This is so
helpful. This is great formative information.” And then there’s one guy who says, “This is so boring and
you’re a stupid,” use your imagination for the word he used.
And I’m fixated on that. That’s how our brain works. We just want to fixate on these things that
are not helpful. So do you ever notice that, do you ever notice that you might have somebody say, “Oh,
you did a great job,” but then you’re just obsessing about the person who looks like they’re not
impressed in the corner, and that’s where you put the weight of what you did? Do you ever notice that?
So like when someone at work you did a great job or they give you a really nice compliment, you
kind of sidestep it and be like, “Yeah, they’re just being nice,” or you quickly forget about it, right? We
want to focus on what we don’t know or that we don’t know where to start or that we don’t really know
how, or we want to talk about how we don’t know a lot.
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Right? I bet you the most common answer is, I don’t know, right? What didn’t work, what we’re
not good at. So our brain will always want to do this. And it’s important to know this right? That we
don’t know because we think we’re confused when really we’re just afraid. Of course, no one is going to
feel confident with these thoughts. And if this is what goes on in your brain on a daily basis, you’re not
alone, but your confidence is not going to be very high. And this is going to impact what you’re willing to
do and what you are going to be able to create in your life. So the first thing is just knowing that this is
going to happen and that it takes management to overcome it. Happens to me too. I got to drive myself
So why does this happen? So just know that this is a normal thing, and it’s the reason why
people get stuck. This is the reason why we’re not charging forward into our full potential on a regular
basis, right? This is why we stay stagnant and complacent. And the concept of full potential is an
interesting one because it is always in the future, right? Your full potential is always in the future. But
the thing that I find interesting is that when we become stuck, because the thoughts that I just
mentioned, because of the way that we are inherently wired, we could go months or years being stuck,
not knowing it, just really thinking that the truth is we’re confused, or we don’t know how, or we don’t
have enough or we can’t.
Then we don’t reach the level of what we’re really capable of in our lifetime, because we’re not
overcoming that on a daily basis and moving past it, we’re just staying in it because then we have to stop
and put it aside, because otherwise we’re just kind of living in ambivalence of not knowing if we’re good
enough or not, and kind of just assuming that we can’t.
So knowing that your brain will want to tell you all the ways you’re not good enough, especially
if you’re a woman, I know for men as well, but mostly this is like such a perpetual thing with the women
that I work with. For men, it’s more sneaky and logical, but it might depend. I find personally that this is
a really big thing with women. Your brain will always want to go to what hasn’t worked, why you don’t
have enough, why you’re not good enough. So whenever somebody says anything remotely like that,
you are like, “Yep, that’s true.” You take it as evidence, right? So you’re very much into not knowing
exactly how, not being exactly sure. Then when you’re not certain of yourself to take an action, to be
able to do something, because you’re like, “I don’t know if it’s going to work. I hope it works.”
But when you’re in that space, then you don’t move forward. You don’t want to. And most of
the time we don’t. You’ll want all the information before you take a step forward, because you’re not
confident to take an action from not knowing. Then you’ll be unsure of yourself and perpetuate that,
and then get stuck there.
How we try to solve for the problem is we either don’t take action at all, because this shuts us
down from failing. So if we don’t take action at all we stay safe, and we don’t have to risk being in
danger, being judged, failing, having something embarrassing happen. We don’t have to risk that, so we
just don’t do anything. We prepare, we gather more information. We consume a lot of passive
information, read a lot of books, maybe taken a lot of advice, but don’t couple it with the action that’s
necessary to create the results we want, or we try to ignore it.
And if we take action anyway, even with these thoughts about ourselves, we feel nervous,
uncertain, and we go to interviews like this. We go to meetings like this, and we don’t give ourselves the
real chance to show up in the most powerful way that we could. And so the reason why these things
don’t work is because you either aren’t taking the action to create the result, you’re not taking enough
action because you’re spinning and not being good enough or not knowing. And because nobody wants
to hire someone if you’re not certain of yourself, if you don’t have a level of confidence in yourself, it will
be hard for others to have that confidence in you because you have to have it in yourself first. So it
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What ultimately ends up happening is a life where you’re not taking the action that you want to
be taking, a life where you’re not doing the things you want to be doing, or you’re delaying your results.
You’re delaying the failures, not evaluating them, not taking a look at them, not accepting failure
as the thing that moves you forward. And it looks like this. Yeah, I knew I wasn’t good enough. I knew I
screwed up. I knew I couldn’t have done that anyway. I knew I didn’t have enough experience. Then you
prove it to yourself. And then it’s hard for you to take more action from that place. Then you take
inconsistent action and you end up living most of your time in indecision and not moving forward in a
powerful way. And then ultimately distracting yourself with other things that don’t cause you this
discomfort when you look at it and pay attention to it.
So the alternative solution that will take more work, but will be absolutely worth it because it
will completely transform your brain. This is what I have done. So here is where your alternative option
is, which is a concept I created called intentional self-confidence. And it is to always start with what you
do have. So at any point there’s always info on both sides. There is always what you don’t have, and
there is always what you do have. Those things are always available. So the trick is to always start with
what you do have on purpose and kind of make yourself do that. And when you start with where you
are, with what you do have, you’re going to be 1000 times more effective. And especially if you
repeatedly do this, so the first thing is questions. You need to ask yourself questions to get to the
bottom of what you do have. And at the beginning, this might be hard because your brain is very used to
saying, “I don’t know, I don’t have anything. It doesn’t work. I can’t do it.”
It’s very used to responding that way. So that’s why you got to let your brain work on it a bit and
really make an effort to come up with what you do have. So questions, what are you good at? What do
we know you’re good at? What do you know you can do? What is clear to you about your capability?
What do you understand? How could it be possible that you could, for example, make your big career
change into the role you want or whatever it is you’re working on. Where do you agree that you can do
it? What do you know already that will help you? What experience do you have? Where has somebody
pointed out that you have done a good job at a particular thing? Who do you know that you could talk
to? How are you on board with this happening?
How will you benefit from this? How will you benefit from this line of thinking every day, instead
of the opposite? What have people told you that you’re good at? Think back to, if you get repeated
comments over and over about specific things that you do well, or maybe you put a good spin on certain
things, or where does that come into your life? Because I know it’s there. Where do you think your zone
of genius is? What is the reason why you can do the job you want? What value do you offer that makes
you capable of landing a 100K offer, for example?
If you’re looking at someone on the job description or something on the job description, for
example, and you haven’t done it before, then ask yourself. If you did have to figure this out, what steps
would you take? What would you do? What are the ways that you have figured things out in the past?
What are all the ways that you have to figure things out? How have you been capable? What are the
ways that you are resourceful? What results have you already created? What impact have you already
had? What would have happened if you were not in any of these situations at work, where you added
value, where would the impact be? Like, if you remove yourself from the situation, what would have
happened? The answers to these questions are always available, but your brain is just not used to
looking for them. So that’s where you need to train yourself. This info is always available. So is the info
that I first told you where your brain won’t want to do anything. It’ll just be like, “Yeah, I don’t know. I’m
confused. Someone tell me the answer. I don’t know.”
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It’s always going to want to do that because it will want to tell you that you’re not capable
because that means you’ll stay safe. But the other list of things is always where you intentionally want to
take yourself. And that is how you create intentional self-confidence.
So why it works. It works because when we’re focused on what we do know and what we do
have, we have already put ourselves in a more powerful place. And this was proven by a study, a
Harvard study by Shawn Achor, where it says that our brains are always going to be 33% more effective
when we start here. So consider that. It’s scientifically proven. So I know that sometimes I’ll be
explaining this and people say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just think positively, just think positively.” It’s like,
no, it’s so much more than that. And I like to think of it as effective. Right? We’re so much more
effective. Your analytical skills are better. Your problem-solving goes up.
Think about this. If you’re going on a camping trip and you’ve never been camping before,
you’re going to need some things to bring. If you’ve never been, you’re like, “Okay, well I have no idea.”
You could be like, “Oh, I just don’t know. I’ve never been camping. I don’t know what to do.” Right? And
that could just be it. Right. Like, I don’t know. I’ll just ask my friend and he’ll just have all the ideas and
he’ll probably just pack everything, because I really just don’t know. Right. So you could do that, but you
will always know something. You’ll always know where to start. Right? Like you’ll always have some
vague idea. You’re going to have to dig for it.
And this is an easier example, because you probably know a little bit about camping. You’re
going to be outside. So if you come up with the stuff that you do know or your best guess. This is
something else I like to think. It’s like, if I don’t know the answer, I know the best guess. And that’s
where you need to trust that your best guess is better for you than anyone else’s best guess for you. It’s
your life. You’re the one deciding.
So you might be like, “Okay, I’m going to rack my brain and see if I can think of anything that I
might need for camping.” Right. So then you can bring that to the conversation instead you can be like,
“Okay, instead of freaking out about what I don’t know, instead of not knowing what we need, I don’t
want us to die out there.”
So, and I know this is a simplistic approach or a simplistic example, but it kind of illustrates now
you can go to the conversation and say, “Okay, I’m going to be camping. I know we’re going to need a
tent and maybe some sleeping bags, what else?” And then you start getting momentum for how you can
actually think of more things. You’re like, “Okay, maybe we need a container to store water. Right? So
replace camping for the first time with getting into your 100K role, your next 100K or above role. And
you know a lot more than you think. I promise.
It’s like that show Chopped. I love that show, that cooking show. And it’s, for those of you who
don’t know it, it’s really cool. It’s three contestants and they get they all get the same basket of food, but
it’s random things. So they get a cactus pad and caramels. And they’re just very random things that they
have to make into a delicious dish for the judges, and whoever can be most creative and the fastest
because they’re on a very tight time limit will ultimately win … I think they win $10,000 or something.
And I like to think of it as, if they spent their time complaining about what they didn’t have in
their basket, complaining about how they didn’t know what to do with this, like, “Oh, what am I
supposed to do with a cactus leaf and some caramels? How am I supposed to make something out of
that?” And they have access to a pantry with a lot of other ingredients too, so they get to combine and
be creative and use whatever else they want. But they have to include these ingredients in the dish.
And if they spent a minute too long being like, I don’t know, I don’t know. They just have to get
moving because they literally have 20 minutes to cook this thing. So they just have to start taking action,
and they have to start with what they know. There’s no other option, right? Because if they did, if they
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sat there and confusion not knowing, there’s no way they’re going to win that competition, but they
take the ingredients out and they immediately go to work. So that’s how I want you to approach your
career, right? Your next step, your next goal. What do you know? I’ve given you a ton of helpful
The necessary skills you’re going to need. You’re going to need commitment, because your brain
is going to be very used to running amuck with all the reasons why you aren’t capable, why it’s not
possible, why you don’t know something, why you’re confused and why you need more information
before you can take action. Am I right? I know you guys pretty well.
The skills you need to develop, this is going to be a practice of willing to start thinking in this
new way, the willingness to keep bringing yourself back here, because there is zero upside to the
opposite. The alternative gives you nothing. It keeps you stuck. It keeps you living a very, very small life
and there’s no power in it, right? You basically absolve all your power to, “I don’t know.” And once
you’re aware of this, because this is called intentional self doubt. So you can either choose to build
intentional self-confidence or intentional self doubt. And the choice is yours every day.
So once you realized that this is how your brain works and how you want to recreate how you’re
thinking every day, the results that you’re going to be able to create are much bigger and your life opens
up. So you’ll feel a whole lot better. For example, if you wake up feeling crappy and full of anxiety every
day, this could totally change the game for you. You’ll feel a whole lot better. You’ll start feeling more
confident, and when you keep redirecting yourself, you’re going to have no choice but to continue to
feel more confident, you’re going to build momentum in the opposite direction, right?
So the results you create are not going to have you afraid of taking action. They’re going to have
you curious and excited to take action, because there’s all these things that you do know. Those details
of how will be created along the way. So you’ll start to fill in the blanks, because what happens is, is we
think that we need confidence before we get started on something. But the truth is, as the confidence
gets built along the way, so you’re going to be getting more information, gathering more intel, getting
closer and closer with every action that you take, not with the longer you spend thinking about
something, because you can’t fill in the details of knowing how without taking action.
We think that we can, we’re like, “Well, if I read all these books and I study this process intently,
and then I take action, then I’ll know,” but that’s not how it works. Because even if you do that, then
something doesn’t work out, you don’t get the result right away. Then what? That’s where you have to
keep going back to what you do know, and those questions that I had you answered earlier in the
episode, because then you won’t be afraid of failing because you will know that you can always come
back to what you do know, and you’re going to know more and more every time. And then what you do
have is going to compound, and it’s going to build until you have no choice but to succeed. And after
each time something doesn’t work, you’re going to have more experience and more power to move
forward, right? And this is always an option, but it does take more work.
So if you want my help with this, there is information after the podcast on how you can work
with me, I’d be more than happy to walk you through this and help you, whatever your goal is. I have full
belief that you will get there and I won’t buy the story that you can’t, because that is just your brain
telling you what it’s supposed to tell you, because it’s supposed to keep you safe. But if you want to
really live into what you know you can do, then you know where I am. All right, my friends, thank you so
much for listening. And I will talk to you next week. Bye.
If you’re resonating with what you’re hearing on the podcast, I want to tell you something. If we
ever talk or work together or interact in any way, I will not, even for a minute, buy into the story that
you can’t get the job you want at the pay you want and deserve. I will not buy into the story that the
recruiter said you needed to have more experience or that you were told that you needed to get
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another degree or certification before you could be considered, or that there are so many other great
candidates out there that are more qualified who have already applied, or that you need to check with
your accountant first or whatever the excuse you have that robs you from your power. I will not buy it,
because what I know for sure is that if you’re not being valued and if you’re not being paid at the level,
you know you can and deserve to be, there is a clear reason why, and it is a reason that is completely
within your control.
If you want to learn what’s really been holding you back so far and you’re ready to get some
help, head on over to www.nataliefisher.ca/apply. I will be able to help you identify why you’ve been
stuck so far and exactly what you need to do to move forward. And I will help you do this by showing
you how to take control of your career, how to set the frame for what you want, instead of thinking that
you have to be at the mercy of what you have.
And as we all know, if you don’t believe that the job you want is available and that you can have
it, you will always settle for the job you don’t want. If you are ready to move out of that space and into a
better situation, I am here to help you. I’m going to teach you exactly what to do with lots of examples,
head on over to www.NatalieFisher.ca/apply. I’ll see you over there.
And when you leave me an iTunes review and send me a screenshot of the review directly to my
email email@example.com, I will send you a free gift as a thank you. And this free gift, I usually
sell it for $100 so it’s a $100 value, and it contains 50 examples of behavioral interview questions. So if
you’ve ever stumbled, second guessed, rambled in an interview, not sure exactly what to say, I have this
free guide that’s going to give you so many examples that there’s no way you’ll be confused at the end.
It’s helped thousands of people land jobs just from understanding so clearly what needs to be
included. So if you don’t know how to tell a good story, inside you’ll find the exact words. If you don’t
know what stories to tell, you’re going to see the components of a successful story in action, and 50 at
that. You don’t think you have any good stories to share? Don’t worry. There’s 25 questions in there to
ask yourself to pull the stories from your own brain. To get your hands on this, all you have to do is leave
me an iTunes review and send it to me to my email and I will respond with this guide. Thank you so
much for listening and I will talk to you soon. Bye.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Get A Six-Figure Job You Love podcast. If you’re ready to
dive deeper into your career mindset and start creating bigger, more impactful results in your career
join me www.nataliefisher.ca/getstarted
. I’ll see you over there.