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You are listening to the Get a 6-Figure Job You Love Podcast. This is episode 47, The Right Way. Hey there, welcome to the Get a 6-Figure Job You Love Podcast. I’m your host, Natalie Fisher. I’m a certified career mindset coach who also happens to want to skip all the BS and get to what it really takes to create real results for you in your career. On this podcast, you will create real mindset shifts that will lead to big results and big changes in your career and your income. No fluff here. If you want to get a six-figure job you love and create real, concrete results in your industry and make a real impact, you’re in the right place. Are you ready? Let’s go.
Hello and welcome to the podcast today. So something that I have been seeing throughout the course of, well, my entire time coaching and something I’ve struggled with myself is wanting to know the right way to do something. So we have this belief that there is a right way. There’s a specific right way, a step-by-step that we can follow and we can do it and it will for sure work. That’s what we want. We want a step-by-step that is guaranteed if we do the things, then we will get the result. And you will see people promising that. But then you’ll see that not everybody gets the results. Not everybody is going to go through that step-by-step and get the results.
Now, there’s a variety of reasons for that. And another podcast to check out that would be useful is Radical Self-Responsibility, as a side note, but let’s dive into why, why we think that there is a right way. Because when we believe there’s a right way, it means we can go and research and look for it and dig for it. And we can do all this stuff to try to discover the right way. And before we discover the right way, before we find something that we feel really secure and safe with, then we tell ourselves we don’t have to take any action because we don’t know yet, right? And if we’re uncertain and we don’t know, then we definitely don’t want to take action. It’s the brain’s mechanism to keep us safe and it works very, very effectively.
So we think because it makes it easy to think there’s a right way to do it and I need to find out what that right way is. And the reason why we think that is because we are super scared of doing it “wrong.” So what we do is one of two things. We don’t do anything. We avoid it. We leave it off and we’re like, “Yeah, we’re confused. We’ll figure it out.” And we kind of avoid, or we go into what’s called passive action. And so passive action is reading a book, researching, watching something, watching a training video or consuming some sort of information. That’s what passive action is. And passive action feels very productive. It feels like we’re gathering information.
And then massive action is what we’re missing. So if you’re doing mostly passive action, you’re probably not moving as quickly as if you were doing just massive action. And we need a combination of the two. But if you’re like me, there’s only so much passive action you could take. So I could have watched 100 videos, read 100 books and still thought I don’t have enough information to take action because I still need… There’s still a missing piece. Or I took some action, it didn’t work, and then I thought I needed more information.
So let’s say you’re reading a book on how to get a job, how to write your resume, how to interview. Let’s say interviewing. Reading a book on how to interview effectively. It’s kind of like reading a book on learning how to snowboard or how to swim. And it’s the same because you never really know what it’s going to take, how you’re going to need to tweak your body, how you’re going to experience the pool or the feeling or the sensation on the snowboard. You’re never going to know those things until you actually do them.
And it’s the same with an interview. And this is what so many of my clients run into. They’ll gather all the examples, rehearse all the stories, re-rehearse all the stories, try to figure out every possible answer that could ever be asked of them. And then they get in the interview experience and it’s totally different than they thought. They’re not expecting some questions. They’re totally thrown off when the interviewer
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has a certain mannerism or reaction. And reading all that information beforehand could never have helped them with what they’re dealing with because they had to have that experience.
And so we have to balance our massive action with our passive. And if you’re like a lot of my clients, you’ve done enough passive action for a long time. You don’t need to do more passive action. You need to work on your massive action skill and muscle because that’s what’s actually going to get you the result. But the massive action, especially if you’re not used to doing it is uncomfortable. It’s more uncomfortable, right? So notice that about yourself. If you’re somebody who consumes a lot of information, who thinks a lot before making decisions, who needs a lot more information, and you think that that is a good way to operate, just look at the results you’re getting and question, is it right? Do I have what I want? And if I don’t, this might be the reason.
So the reason why it doesn’t work is because there is no right way. There’s no one right way that works for everybody. There’s no step-by-step process in the world that applies to everybody. There just isn’t. So I know this. I feel like I know this better than everybody because I have bought so many step-by-step processes. And some of them have worked great and some of them for the life of me, I have not been able to figure out how to make them work or I didn’t, right? I didn’t make them work. And even if the process was fine, I still had to go back and see where I wasn’t applying it in the way that it was going to work, because there’s lots of things that do work, but it was just in the way that I showed up, in the way that I asked the question, in the way that I was in my energy, in my thought, in my feeling, in my intention. In the way that I was presenting something.
And that’s what actually creates the result is the thought, the feeling, the intention behind what you’re doing, behind the action, not the actual action itself. So we know there’s a lot of wrong ways, but there is no definitive right way that works for everybody. And so once we know that, we can just stop searching for the right way that works for everybody or the right way that will definitely guaranteedly work for you. Guaranteedly, that’s probably not a word. But you can’t find that because the only way to discover that is through your own action. So what is ultimately created if you’re staying in that state of passive action is a stagnant life, a stagnant way of being, complacency and a lack of action, fear, a lot of researching, a lot of time spent learning to try to find the right way that doesn’t exist. And what you’re not doing is gaining clarity and building momentum towards what you want, which actually moves you forward so much more.
So there’s a place for passive action and it’s kind of like you can only learn so much from passive action. So you can maybe learn 25%, maybe 50% of what you need to know, but the rest of it can only be learned in hindsight. Can only be learned after you have the experience. You could never expect to read a book on swimming, jump in the pool and swim perfectly in the deep end first time. You could never expect to read a book on snowboarding, get on the board and flawlessly snowboard down the hill first time. Can never expect that. And we, for some reason, have it in our heads that there is a right way to do it and then we should just be able to do it. And then we get discouraged super easily.
So once we can let go of the idea that there’s no right way, the only right way is the way that works for us and we need to take the massive action to discover what works for us, then we can drop that story of I need more information because that doesn’t serve you. So I covered this on the Student Versus Get Hired Mindset, I think it was called, but a lot of students have this because that’s worked for them when they have to study for a test, right? So when you’re studying for a test, you’re trying to gather all the information, cram all the information out into your brain so that you can then regurgitate it onto a piece of paper. And then you can potentially get a good grade and then you get validation. You get to go on to the next level. Yay, you win. That works for that model.
In the real world, that does not work. It doesn’t work in business, it doesn’t work in your career, it doesn’t work in relationships, it doesn’t work in snowboarding or swimming. It doesn’t work for actually
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living in the real world. It only works in school. And so if we keep trying to apply the same paradigm that we applied in school to our lives, then we get stuck, we don’t understand why we aren’t moving forward, and we continuously search for this “right way” that does not exist.
So there’s a clear path forward and it’s going to be uncomfortable, especially if you’re somebody who hasn’t been taking action as much as you know you need to. And so the first thing you need to do is just decide on an action, any action, and you need to go do it. Being willing to not be perfect at it, being willing to have the first few times not be so great, but being willing to be very, very intentional about how you’re going to evaluate yourself and how you would like to be showing up or how you would like to be doing it.
So let’s say it’s an interview and let’s say you’ve never been to an interview before, you might be nervous and that’s normal. You might be willing to go there knowing that you’re not going to know all the answers, knowing that you’re not going to know what to expect, knowing that it’s going to be uncertain, and go there with the intention to learn. So one thought that has helped some of my clients if they haven’t been interviewing for a long time, they’re very nervous about it could be this interview is just the practice for my next one. So you have to tell yourself, I’m going to try this even if I suck at it, even if it doesn’t work. Even if the first action is uncomfortable, I’m willing to feel the discomfort, I’m willing to be present in my body, I’m willing to do this.
Because if you stay in the place of inaction, which is the alternative, you’re never going to learn what you need to learn. You’re never going to grow. You’re never going to move closer significantly towards the result that you want. And you have to stop telling yourself that you need more information before you can move forward. You need to be really honest with yourself about the amount of massive action that you’re taking versus the amount of passive action.
The second thing is you need to plan to evaluate the effectiveness of your action, and you need to have detail on what you were doing, what you were thinking, how you were feeling and how you were showing up, and you can only evaluate yourself. So we don’t evaluate based on what other people said or did because we can’t control them. You can simply evaluate based on how you want to be.
Step three, react with the lessons that you harvested. So you’re going to harvest your lessons learned, and then you’re going to react with the lessons in hand. So it’s like you’re collecting tools every time and you’re going to use those tools to be more effective the next time.
And then step four is repeat until you get the result, because the right way is the way that you get the result. The right way is the way that works for you. And there’s no way you can know what that is before you go and do things. I can tell you right now, I can look back on my business journey and I would never have been able to tell you this is how I got here. I never would have known.
So why this is the only way that actually works is because number one, you stop wasting time in so much passive action. You get to the point where if you’re like me, you’re like, “There’s no way I could possibly learn any more information. The only thing left to do is to take action.” There’s always more information that I can learn, but I’ve discovered that it’s just really not useful to me. There’s no way it could serve me anymore because I’ve already consumed all the different programs and all the different information. So there’s just no way. If I want to move forward faster, the massive action is the only way to get there.
And then you gain clarity through that action. And it’s a beautiful process. When you’re doing things, when you’re in the uncomfortable state, it’s more uncomfortable in the beginning if you’re not used to it, but you start taking this action and then you start to feel things, right? So sometimes you’re going to feel disappointed. Like if something didn’t work out that you thought would, you might feel disappointed. When things seemed like they were going really well and then they didn’t work out, you might feel let down.
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But the beautiful thing about this is is that the worst of it? If you already know that’s a possibility, then it’s not a big deal. You can just feel those feelings, you feel some disappointment. Okay, you’re not going to die from it. So you feel those feelings and then you already know you’re going to move on to your next action until the result is achieved. Until your result is achieved, you are not done. So don’t tell yourself that you are. Don’t fall into the trap of going back to learning more information. If there’s a specific piece of information you want to learn, great. But it’s so important that we realize there’s no right way because if there was a right way, then trust me you would know about it and you’d already have your result.
So the behavior that we have is just based in fear, based in not wanting to fail, not wanting to have something not work out, not wanting to be disappointed, not wanting to feel a negative emotion. And by avoiding negative emotions, we don’t move nearly as quickly as we could. And when you get to the point where you realize that the negative emotion is just a part of being a human being, then you’re not afraid of it anymore and you can even like it.
So I sometimes feel anxiety and I don’t have a problem with it anymore. So I’ll literally just sit on my couch and I’ll feel the anxiety in my body and I’ll do this exercise of processing the feeling. It’s called processing the feeling. You just bring yourself into your body. You just feel the anxiety. And then the next day I feel great. I feel inspired, ready to go. And then yes, in the future, I know that I might feel anxiety again or I might feel disappointment again. I might feel lazy. I might have a feeling that I don’t love, but that’s how it works. We’re going to have these feelings.
And think about this. If we didn’t have the range of feelings and we were just feeling happy all the time, then how would we ever know what happy even is? We wouldn’t know, right? We’d just be like, “Oh, everything’s always happy.” And if that’s the way that it was meant to be, then it would be like that. But since we’re humans, we have the privilege of experiencing the full spectrum of emotion. And if we just think of it as a roller coaster, then we just expect it, right? We can just expect these feelings to come. We can just expect that at some point we might feel some anxiety, we might feel some disappointment, but it won’t stop us from taking action because we have the end result in mind.
So as long as we understand that until we get the result we want we’re not done, then we don’t have anything to be afraid of on the way because we have the certainty in ourselves that we’re not going to give up on getting that result. And the reason why most people give up is not because they can’t achieve their dream role, it’s because they underestimate what it takes to get it. They underestimate what it takes in terms of massive action and the myriad of emotions that they’re going to feel on the way there. And a lot of people quit before they get there because they underestimated that that’s what it was going to take. And somewhere along the way, they either have the stop-start cycle or they decide they’re not cut out for it, or they keep changing their mind and they never end up succeeding at any one thing. And it’s a pity because it’s not because they can’t, it’s just because they didn’t understand the process.
So the results are created through the self-correcting process that I talked about on this podcast. That is how you figure out the right way for you. And I have followed a ton of programs with a ton of steps and they can be helpful, but I’m always going to have to tweak it to work for me. I’m always going to have to take the responsibility of how I’m thinking about it, what I’m feeling, and how I’m executing the actual steps. And maybe I tweak the steps. Maybe I change them. Because if it’s not working, then it’s my responsibility to figure out why it’s not working, get curious and try again.
The mistake that a lot of people make is they say, “Well, your process isn’t working.” They might buy a program and be like, “Well, I want my money back. That didn’t work.” And yeah, they normally don’t want their money back. They want the result, right? And the reason was not the process, it was that they didn’t make the process work. And I’ve been there. So again, no judgment. But it’s a self-correcting
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process because if it wasn’t, how do you explain it working for some people and not for others? Because the people it works for, they know how to make it work for them. The people it doesn’t work for, they think it’s the responsibility of the process to get them their result. And it’s always our responsibility. And that’s a beautiful thing because we always have control over everything that we create.
So I hope that answers your question about what’s the right way? I’m confused. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what the right answer is. I don’t know what the right thing is. So I’m not going to do anything. Just ask yourself, where does that leave you in the end? It doesn’t serve you. So you can get mad at the people who make the processes all you want, but at the end, you’re left sitting there without the result that you wanted. Thanks for listening my friends. I will talk to you next week. Bye.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Get a 6-Figure Job You Love Podcast. If you’re ready to dive deeper into your career mindset and start creating bigger, more impactful results in your career, join me at www.nataliefisher.ca/getstarted. I’ll see you over there.