Hello, and welcome to the Get a Six-Figure Job You Love and Thrive podcast. This is episode 231. This is a recap. It’s actually a two-parter of a training that I just did called How to Value Yourself So You Can Get Paid What You Deserve in 2025. And we covered a lot of stories, a lot of personal stuff that I’ve learned from my journey on how to value myself. And I really want you to listen for how it applies to you. I talk about my journey with my professional life and how easy that was compared to my personal life and why that was, right? Like why it was so easy in one area and why it was so difficult in another area. And I believe that we all have things that come easier to us than to others. And in this training, I kind of show you exactly why that was for me and why I’m there to help you figure out why it’s hard for you in your professional life and why it doesn’t have to be anymore.

So this is a two-parter. So you’ll listen to the first part of it this week, and then the rest of it will come out next week. If you are interested in joining me inside the Value Vision Program for 2025, I encourage you to listen to the whole thing. We are going to be accepting people up until the end of the year. So get on in there, listen for what resonates with you, and let me know if you have any questions at all. Just reach out my emails in the show notes and let me know if any of this resonates with you, if you’ve had any similar experiences and how I can potentially help you to break free of them next year. Because I realized that’s what I’m here for. That’s the whole reason I’m doing this. All right. I hope you enjoy. I hope to hear from you and we’re going to play that. Hey there, I’m Natalie Fisher.

I’m a six-figure business builder, a mom of a two-year-old, the recoverer of a 10-year narcissistic relationship, and now in a super healthy one. And most of all, I’m a human who’s figuring this out with you. This podcast is about how to use your mind to thrive in your career and create the subconscious breakthroughs that you need to get there. The subconscious blocks that you don’t even know you have to achieving your highest levels of earning and your best zone of genius moments and days in the flow. That is my goal for you. Let’s dive into the episode. And before we dive into today’s episode, just one more thing. I’m the coach who will always point you back in the direction of your own wisdom. And so before you listen to my episode or anybody’s episode, I want to remind you of that because I know from a lot of personal experience that anything is only as effective as the amount of resonance that it has within your uniquely built brain, with how it’s going to blend with your experiences, with your history, with your past, with your existing beliefs. And so something is only going to work if it feels right to you and you believe in it. Or you want to do the work to believe in it and that’s where I can help you. Your inner wisdom is infinitely more valuable than mine or anybody else’s for that matter when it comes to getting the outcomes that you are here to get. I’m happy that you’re here. I’m glad that we’re on the planet at the same time and I can’t wait to help you transform your life and career.

So how to finally value yourself so that you can get paid what you deserve in 2025. Trista says, putting up with not being appreciated by supervisors. Ah, yes. Crystal says, I’m not valuing myself now and I just can’t find the energy to start. Ah, interesting. Awesome. Okay. So I want to start with this quote. This really hit me when I heard it. I was at a business event. So this is not my quote. This is something that one of the speakers said and I just wrote it down. And I was like, this all came together through this event that I just came back from. And I was like, I have to do. It just all came out of me. It was so easy and it’s all just come together so perfectly that I know it’s meant for some of you to be a part of.

So this is the quote that really hit me that started this whole thing. The more you honor and own your value that you give to others, the more you will receive it back. In your professional life, that’s reflected in the money you make.

And in your personal life, that’s reflected in the partner that you choose and allowed to stick around or just the people like your friends or supervisors or the workplace or the like, it’ll just be reflected in who shows up in your life and who you allow to stay in the environments where you stay is all because of that one foundational thing. And it is how you honor and own your own value. And through the 10 years I have in coaching, I’ve seen over and over and over again that this is a huge struggle for most people.

And it’s probably the number one thing that has created the breakthroughs. And I’m going to share some of those specific breakthroughs with you today from my clients who have gone through my program and everything. And they have really attributed it to this specific principle. So what we’re going to do today, this is going to be the agenda for what I’m going to be covering. So how you value yourself is directly reflected in how much income you earn in salary. So this is, it’s not to be, I just want to make one thing really clear before we start. Value and worth are different, okay? So you are worthy as a human being just for being here, just for being born, just for who you are. You don’t have to do anything to be worthy and to be infinitely valuable as a human being, okay? So I’m not talking about that kind of value and worth. What I’m talking about is, I’ll explain to you more as we go along, but I just want to make that clear so that you’re not getting that confused, okay? So point number two, why I ended up in an emotionally abusive and neglectful relationship for 10 years.

So why I had such a hard time valuing myself personally, and I’ve figured exactly out why that was and was able to shift that so fast once I figured it out. How I professionally valued myself to achieve 60k raise in corporate and many competing offers. Why this was never a problem for me, and I’ll show you, I’ll trace it back to exactly why that was never a problem and why I struggled so much in the other area. And I’m hoping that you watching this and hearing these examples, you can kind of put together the reasons why you are where you are right now. Might be in positive places, might be in not quite where you want to be yet. That’s okay. We’re here to change whatever you want to change. Four, what happened to make a radical shift in my personal relationships? Number five, the categories of professional value. So this is something a lot of people just don’t know.

They don’t have the knowledge or the skill around how many different ways, you know, you can be valuable and how much there really is there to talk about and how it can be presented in so many different ways that it’s very difficult for someone not to see it, right? Because I think the big problem is we don’t know how to present our value in enough different ways successfully to be heard and to be chosen inevitably, because I know that that is completely possible for all of you. We just don’t have the skill and the knowledge because that’s not what we’re taught in school. The VCVC method, so this is my famous VCVC method. I called it that. It stands for value creation, value communication. That is the theory that you have value that you’ve created already in the world, and now you need to communicate it.

And you need those two components in order to be chosen and successful in decision making processes and attract, you know, the quality of people, the quality environments, the quality of pay that you want. You’re going to need to be very aware of those two factors, okay? Number seven, identifying the difference between high value and low value environments. So it’s very possible that you know you’ve created, like say you’ve gone through, you’ve created value, you’ve communicated value, but you keep showing up and entertaining these really low value environments.

And that’s not going to work because the low value environments are just never going to be able to pay you over a certain amount. And that’s not your fault. It doesn’t mean that you’re not worth that.

It just means that you’re hanging out in the wrong places, or you’re attracting the wrong opportunities, okay? And I’m going to share examples of that as well. And then eight, the three critical components required to land jobs and repeatedly move up and beyond in high value environments. And just have that as your new normal. That’s what you accept. That’s what you are. That’s what you’re a part of.

And I’m so excited to share this with you because it’s so interesting to me how I always ended up in these high value environments. I always ignored the low value ones. It was never even in my awareness. I just thought, oh yeah, companies are great. They pay great. You know, they listen. They do. And of course in my trajectory I had some that didn’t, but I don’t really put much attention on them because I didn’t stay very long and I left. But the fascinating thing is in my personal life, totally different story. So I think that the way I’m going to break it down today in so many different ways, you’re going to have no choice but to understand this and to grasp this for yourself. And I really want to encourage any interaction in the chat, any breakthroughs that you have, please type breakthrough and tell me what it was. And just make a conscious decision to apply this to yourself.

So be like, how does this apply to me? How could that be like me? Do I have a situation that was similar? Okay. So this is Jamie and she’s the first person that comes to mind when I think about this, because she instantly had this breakthrough and she had very fast shifts after that. So when she came to me, she was very frustrated because she kept getting these low value offers, right? And I think she was at a director position, a director level in marketing, right? And she had the experience. She had great accolades. She had all these things that she had done, yet she was still getting these really low value offers and she couldn’t understand why. And she was getting really frustrated, right? And so I went through the VCVC method with her and we mapped out all her value assets, which I’ll explain to you at the end. And she was able to turn it around, get a higher base and then a 15K increase. And they even moved around the position title for her. They were like, well, we really want you.

So we’re going to change the position to this so that we can do a higher salary. And she was able to get them working for her to actually get her in the organization. And they really wanted her and they gave her, like they switched around their policies for it. They were like, okay, well, we’ll change the title then so we can give you more money. So this was one example. And I just have so many that come to mind, but I’m going to share some more. And it’s just about this concept of just having it land in your body where you’re like, oh my goodness, like this is like you just feel differently about what you’ve contributed in the past because of how you see it and your perspective and how you’re able to then talk about it. Okay. So this is Rick. He turned down a lower offer. And I say it was a low ball offer, but really it wasn’t that bad of an offer, but it just wasn’t as much as he wanted. He’d been in the same company for several, several years. He’d never really negotiated before. We went through this process with him and he was able to easily turn down an offer that was not super low ball, but it wasn’t what he wanted to then later accept a higher offer that was 30k more for the same work in a higher value environment and a better quality culture because he had such a strong belief that he was just like, yes, I understand this. I understand how it works.

He was easily able to pass on that other offer. And something that I was teaching yesterday in my program was that when you like make space for something by saying no to something. So when he said no to that other offer, he made space for that new offer to come through, because if he had accepted that other one, he would have never had the space or he would have never done the things for that other offer to come through.

Right. And so we always have that choice. We don’t always know we have it, but we do. And sometimes it takes courage. It takes trust. And we can’t have that unless we truly know our value. Right. It’s very difficult to have that unless we know and we can actually concretize and explain like in many different ways, as many times as we need, what the value that we actually bring does and benefits and how it helps somebody else. So this workshop is for you. And I really want you to tell me if you’re resonating with any of these particular things. OK, so if you resonate with a particular point, please put it in the chat. It’ll be very meaningful for me to know exactly what is landing with you. So you feel like you know your value, but you struggle to convince other people of it. OK, put a one if that’s you. If you’ve ever said that, if you’ve ever said, oh, I know my value, I know I’m valuable, but I just can’t seem to convince anybody else of my value.

Second one, put a two if this is you. You’ve been repeatedly ignored, neglected or passed over for jobs, promotions or projects that you knew you were qualified for. Three, you struggle to earn above a certain amount in your career for over six months to a year or maybe a really long time. So there’s no right or wrong answer. There’s no judgment. It’s just bringing awareness to this. OK, so we’ve got a good mix of ones and twos. All right. So put a four if you’ve asked for raises and promotions but have not been given them, yet they keep promising them to you. Interesting, Darcy. Put a four if that resonates. Put a five if you’ve considered or settled for less and believed that you had no choice. Put a six if you’ve been promised things repeatedly that were never delivered. Put a seven if you put yourself last and have most of your life. OK, so these are all signs that you’re not tapping into, don’t have full awareness, don’t have the knowledge and the skill to really feel that value in your body and then communicate it out as if it was just a normal thing. OK, because people who do know their value, these are not problems for them. And again, no judgment. That’s what we’re here to fix.

So another quote that really struck with me, how you place importance on your own value is how you are instructing the world to place importance on your value. Hits home, doesn’t it? OK, so my personal story. I entered a relationship when I was 27 that lasted until I was 37. So 10 years of my life. And the whole time in this relationship, like at the very beginning, there were red flags. It was glaringly obvious and I didn’t see it. So my feelings, I was this is kind of what was reflected back to me in that relationship, even from the beginning. So it was like, your feelings don’t matter. You’re the one who needs to change. You’re the one who needs to fix your feelings, get yourself under control. Your opinions don’t matter. You need to do it how he said to do it or it’s just wrong. Right. And in the very, very beginning, it wasn’t like that, but it was shortly after. Right. Like this was a narcissistic relationship. I’ve since read like six books on the topic of narcissists. So I’m not like a psychologist, but I feel like I know the topic pretty well. But when I met him, I didn’t know. I was just trying to get out of another bad situation that I didn’t like. So and I’ll show you exactly why this happened.

It’s so like looking back, the hindsight is so 20-20. So the result is I was chronically undervaluing myself and I got trapped in this thing called toxic security. And this is a term I invented because that’s what it feels like. Right. You’re in this situation where it feels safe, like there’s a part of it that’s secure. Right. Because it’s like, you know what to expect and maybe you’re financially secure. So in like job situations, toxic security is a big thing. You end up trapped in this situation because you’re getting paid. And so you’re afraid of like that scarcity. So you don’t think sometimes you’re like, oh, I have no other choice. And so in this situation, I was trapped in this toxically secure relationship and I stayed there for 10 whole years.

So toxic security is when you are in a situation that you feel or you know is less than you deserve, less than you want. You don’t feel truly valued, fulfilled or happy, but you continue to stay in that situation because deep down you believe it is the best you can get. And you may tell yourself that you have no choice. Can anybody resonate with this? Type in the chat toxic security if you have ever been in a toxic security situation. So the relationship lasted for 10 years and in 2018 was when I kind of started to figure these things out. I started to break free of it.

I found a podcast that helped me to understand that I had the choice to think what I wanted to think, helped me turn around my financial situation so I was no longer dependent on him and gave me the courage to kind of leave even though we had a lot of things tied together. Yes. OK. One of you has been in a toxic security situation before. OK. Is anybody there now? So spoiler alert. And a lot of you know this if you have listened to me for a while or you know me that within a year after leaving that situation, I turned things around and I created a much better situation. And I shared in my email that I could have ran right into the same trap again. Right. But this time I caught myself and I stopped it and I was able to shift directions. And while it was painful, I made I like I cut the cord with that other person and I was able to say no to that to make space for the thing that I really was holding that space for. So it’s I’m now with someone who values me more than I thought was possible. And so this is possible in personal and work related situations. Right. So professionally, I’ve always valued myself because of messages that I received as a child.

So this I realized after doing a lot of work on this, it goes back to how I was talked to as a child, because when we’re talked to as kids, we just don’t know that we get to choose what we think. And so we just take those messages, we make them mean something and then we go and do we go and live our lives from that place. So here’s the message that I received when I was younger about my professional value and what to do in personal relationships were totally different messages. So I want you to see if maybe you can remember what what you were told, what messages you received. So I’m going to share some of mine. So as a child, I internalized two very different sets of messages about my personal and professional worth. These messages shaped my beliefs, actions and results and that I experienced as an adult. So here are some key moments. What my dad said, we had a family friend who remained unmarried and childless. And there’s nothing wrong with not having kids if you choose not to have kids. But this woman wanted to. She wanted to have kids and she wanted to get married and she did have opportunities to do so. And she didn’t take them. And so my dad would say she should have just settled. It would be better to be with somebody than to be alone. And like I heard this and I internalized it and I thought it’s better to be with somebody than it is to be with nobody. So I guess I better choose, you know, I guess I better just take what I can get basically is what I heard. Right.

And of course, that message set me up for what you could see was not a great trajectory until I figured it out and turned it around for myself. And then professionally, this is what my dad would say. And you’ll start to see a pattern here as we go.

So he would say, so this is the situation. I was teaching some fitness classes for free at the rec center because one of the instructors got sick and she told me and I stepped in to teach the classes and I was in training. So I wasn’t super experienced yet, but I really wanted to teach the classes and I thought it’d be a great opportunity for me to have some experience. So I stepped up and taught them for free. But then the woman was sick for a prolonged period of time. And so I ended up teaching more of her classes and it started to add up to the point where I was now teaching a lot of classes for free. And my dad said, that’s not acceptable. You deserve to be paid for the work that you’re doing. Go ask them to pay you or don’t teach any more classes.

Simple. And so I was like, okay. So what I heard there was always stand up for your professional worth, ask for the money. And if they don’t want to pay you, they don’t value you and someone else will. Right. That’s what and these messages were received in different ways, but repeatedly throughout my youth.

So you can see the difference between that message and the other. And I do clarify later on, but I’ll, I feel it noteworthy to say now, my dad didn’t mean anything bad by any of this, right? He wasn’t trying to mess me up. He really wanted what was best for me, but this is just what happens, right? I make meaning out of the things he says, some of it, good, some of it, not so good. So second thing he said that, so I married someone that I didn’t love when I was 20, because I was like, well, this guy’s willing to marry me and he’s not bad. So I guess I should just do it. I didn’t want to marry him, but I thought, you know, this is it. I have this opportunity. What if I don’t get this opportunity again? Like such scarcity mindset. So then I left and ended up with the narcissist. So I left that relationship because I didn’t like it, but I’m like, oh, well, there’s someone else who’s willing to be with me. So I should go be with that person because this sounds better and more exciting. And I don’t love this other person anyway.

So then I stayed in that emotionally neglectful relationship for 10 years and the subconscious beliefs driving my actions were, I’m better off with someone, even someone who mistreats me than being alone. My emotions don’t matter. I should suppress them. He’s right. Even if I feel the way I feel, I’m too sensitive, too emotional. And I have no sense of humor. That’s what he would say. And so I was just like, yeah, he’s right. I’m the one who has to keep trying to, you know, change and be better. And so that’s what I did for 10 years. And then professionally, this is what I automatically did. Easily negotiated my first high paying job before I finished college, rapidly climbed the ladder from receptionist to HR manager in tech and consistently secured raises and promotions. And the subconscious belief that was driving this was my professional work has value and I deserve to be paid well for it. And it’s that simple. And you can see the difference in messages, right? Like totally different messages, right, that I heard and I internalized. And then I just did. Right. Darcy says, did you ever get a chance to mention the lessons learned to your dad when older? Yes, I did.

And we have talked about them. And it’s been very interesting because obviously he didn’t mean he didn’t mean any of it. He’s like, oh, I didn’t know that’s what you took away from it. Like, I didn’t know. Right. So this is where when we all get messages like this, it’s not intentional. It’s just they’re doing what they’re just saying what they think. Right. So let me break this down further with specific moments that shape my subconscious beliefs. So when I was little, sometimes I cried during movies, or I would cry. I was a crier. I still am. This morning, I was just crying in gratitude for everything I have. It’s just I am very emotional person. And my dad isn’t. Right. So he would say to me, you’re being too emotional. You have to stop taking things so seriously. Right. He would say, it’s just a movie. Like, calm down. You can’t get yourself so worked up. Like, he didn’t have space for my emotions. So then I started thinking, oh, I shouldn’t have these. I should hide them. They’re wrong. Right. And when I heard where my emotions are too much, I need to shut them down to be loved. And so I chose somebody who, you know, when he said those things, I was like, oh, yeah, that confirms what my dad said. Yeah, that’s right. And this was all subconscious. Like, now I know and I’ve worked through it. So my results are different.

But at the time, I was just going along with what I thought. Right. And then here’s another message that my dad gave me. So I was in high school, and I had a job that required some unpaid homework. It was at a museum. And they wanted, they were paying me $9 an hour to do this unpaid homework. I had to study this book and I was going to have to take a test the next day. And I didn’t do it. I like came in and I ended up going to karaoke with my friends because I was in high school and I didn’t want to do this homework.

I didn’t want to do extra homework. And the woman got very mad at me. She yelled. I remember she slammed the books down on the table. She told me how lucky I was to have this job and that this was my last chance. And then they actually punished me and made me go and scrape gum off of the display cases upstairs in the gift shop.

We were having these meetings down in the basement because they were very, they had a lot of space down there. So, and there was a lot of people. So I didn’t do this homework. And so I went and I told my dad, I’m like, look, I got in trouble for this. I was supposed to do this homework. I was feeling bad about it. And you know what he said? He said, don’t do that unpaid work. They’re paying you $9 an hour. Like, don’t do that. If they don’t like it, then you can just quit. You’ll find somewhere that will pay you for the work that you’re doing. Right? Again, another message that instilled that when I heard you should never work for free, your time and effort are valuable and someone else will recognize that if they don’t. Right. And you know, when I would tell people these stories, everybody would say, Oh, your dad is the coolest. Like, that’s awesome. Like, yeah, like I agree. Right. And so, and these, these messages really benefited me as you can see, right? Like I, people always ask me, they’re like, this is why I got into what I do now.

They’re like, how did you get that? How did you get that job? How did you get that raise? How did you get them to do that? People are always asking me that. And so when I went to go find the answers, I was like, this is why. Cause my dad had always been telling me these things every step of the way. Right. And so I just believed it and I had no problem with it. But personally, like I said, you can see how it was very, very different. So I thought it was necessary to put in this slide. My dad did not mean to cause me any harm and he has since apologized and he has felt bad about it, but he didn’t do it on purpose. And I don’t blame him. It’s just, it’s interesting to just look back, you know, and see cause people ask these questions and I get curious and you know how it goes. Becky, I think, I think that’s your name. Did you have to give yourself permission to forgive these limitations in order to move forward? I would say yes, for sure. I would say, absolutely. And also the biggest thing was the awareness behind them, right? It’s like, Oh, I see. Cause once you can pinpoint the awareness, it’s so much easier to release it and then be like, Oh, and then you can kind of untangle it, see how it’s not true. And then it’s so much easier to move forward. Right. But good question. Darcy says, I have to check myself on all the volunteer work I do as an adult and how much time it takes. Yes, exactly. And I’m going to get into those justifications that we make for all that volunteer work that you do.

If your desire is to truly make more money and where that subconscious belief is, because there is something that stops you from doing that. That is a good comment, Darcy. All right. So after the years of struggle, I worked to change my belief that I had to settle in relationships and I realized I could be loved deeply and authentically just as I am. And six months after making that shift, I met my current partner and man who values me and cherishes me. And truly relationship is bliss now, like easiest thing ever. And the belief that I wasn’t enough was never true. The belief that I was too emotional was never true. The belief that I wasn’t skinny enough was never true because, and when I could release those beliefs, it was easy to invite someone into my life, attract someone into my life who didn’t require all these things of me. He doesn’t mind that I’m emotional. He doesn’t mind that I’m not skinny, skinny. He doesn’t mind. Like he appreciates and likes all these things about me. And I didn’t know that was ever a possibility. Right.  And before I understood and actually believed that that was possible, he was never going to be able to show up and I wasn’t going to be able to feel worthy of the relationship. So all that had to happen. And so what came through me was, Oh my goodness, this is what people are doing in their person, in their careers, right? What I was doing in my personal life is what people are doing in their careers, which is why they’re struggling to make the money they want.

They’re struggling to be valued for their true gifts. They’re struggling to be in an environment where they’re doing work that really lights them up and they love, and they’re appreciated for it. People are struggling with this because of exactly the same thing I struggled with in my personal life. Is this making sense to everybody? So because I grew up with messages, reinforcing my professional growth or worth, I naturally excelled in my career, which is exactly why I’m doing what I’m doing. It just seemed natural, right? Like when I told that story about being laid off in 2014, that’s when it all started. I went out, I had three interviews.

The next day I had an offer and then I had more interviews and people were like, tell me what you’re doing. Help me with my resume. Like it was just, and I was like, Oh yeah, happy to help, happy to help. Right. And I was in my head, I was like, I don’t know why this is difficult for people. Like it’s so easy, you know, but it wasn’t right. And it was because scarcity mindset and all the messages that they had received, right. And they were being impacted by these messages. And I wasn’t, I always had my dad’s voice saying these things that just led me along. And that was great. And I appreciate that he gave me that. But then what he didn’t know was that he was kind of like sabotaging me with my personal relationships.

So valuing yourself professionally can be learned and applied no matter what you believed growing up, no matter what you believe now, no matter what you’ve seen or experienced or how many times you’ve been rejected, valuing yourself professionally is available to you. And it does, it takes a process and I’ve taken a lot of people through the process. So I know all the different angles of what you need to know all the different steps. So we’re all just living out. Our automatic beliefs learned us as children, just as I was until you bring them into your awareness and actively rewrite them basically, like you can actually rewrite them. And I’ve done some subconscious work on this where I will literally go in and be like, how did I want that to happen? How would I have wanted that memory to be? And then I just replaced that in my brain for the new one, right? So using subconscious reprogramming techniques, that is one. So if you’re not earning what you want, it’s not about the market or your qualifications. Cause that’s like saying, Oh, I can’t find my partner because there’s just no good people out there, right? It’s the same thing as saying, Oh, it’s because it’s the market. If you’re settling in relationships or jobs, it’s not because there’s nothing better out there.

It’s not because you have no choice. That is a lie. It’s because of these subconscious beliefs that you internalized a long time ago. And these can be uncovered, challenged and changed. And this is possible for any area of your life. But I specialize in it with the career aspect because I’ve helped so many people specifically do this.

So quick recap, you will be living out of your beliefs until you become aware of them and actively clear and to change them. Okay. And the good news, you can change them. And I’m living proof of that. And now that I’ve seen that it becomes a lot easier to identify when I have a limitation because it’ll show up in the results that I’m getting. Right. So recently I have a desire to have a bigger audience online, but I have a fear of being too visible to too many people. I’m just like, no, I think I just want to keep it to my, to my close group of nice people. And yeah, the other day, some of you might’ve seen I did a live and I had a troll or a hater or whatever on there and she kind of threw me off a little bit.

And I was thinking, Oh, thank you universe. You’re sending me a test to see, you know, how I’m going to handle it. Cause when people have larger audiences, they naturally are going to have more people who are not always so kind. Right. So that was a subconscious fear I had, which I am working through, but you get the point. You get faster at identifying them and then you work through them. And that’s just part of your growth journey. So if you’re underpaid, it’s not because of the market or other people’s ability to pay. It’s not because people can’t afford to pay you. It’s just because you are hanging around the wrong people, the wrong opportunities. You’re giving too much attention to opportunities that don’t pay you potentially Darcy. It’s because of the subconscious beliefs formed in your childhood.

These beliefs tell you that you’re not valuable enough unless you get more of something like, does this sound familiar to anybody? I need more experience. I need more certifications. I need to do this and this and this first. I need this on my resume. Right. It’s a very, it’s like a, I need more, more, more before I can be enough syndrome kind of thing. Right. It’s like that never enough game, which I definitely am familiar with because I played that in my relationship for 10 years. So in the same way as if you’re not in a healthy loving relationship and you want to be, because let me just make it clear. If you don’t want to be, I’m only talking about what you want. Okay. So if you don’t want something, then don’t take that as a point.

It’s not because there are no good people left. It’s because of your subconscious beliefs formed before you had a chance. So the root of the problem, if you’re not currently earning what you want to earn and others are, so this is quite a tell sign. If other people are earning more money doing similar work that you do, and they might even have less experience or the same, then it has something to do with the fact that you don’t know how to value yourself professionally. It has to do with you don’t know how to articulate that value. There’s a part of you that that might not believe that you are worth it or worthy of it. You believe you need something more to be good enough or certifications, more experience, more degrees, et cetera. Does anybody resonate with that? Put a yes in the chat. If you can resonate with thinking you need more. Yes. Jessica. Hi, Helen. Crystal. Yes, yes, yes. Okay.

So it’s not because you need any more than that. And we can see because if there’s someone else making more money than you and you desire to make more money, it’s not because you need more and more and more. It’s that you need to actually learn the know-how and the skill of how to value what you already have so that you can communicate it effectively and match up to those opportunities that will pay you that are high value and high quality. So there’s a third option for you. You can actually earn the money that you want. Be a part of a supportive, respectful culture, feel valued and appreciated every day and have fun. But this starts with understanding and shifting how you see your own value. So a lot of people, when they come in my program and maybe they’re just used to low value environments their whole life, they have no idea that there’s even high value environments that exist. They’ll be like, tell me what that’s like.

What is it like to have an opportunity like that where people actually want your growth? And I’ll say things like, well, part of our HR goals for the year was to make sure that everybody had a growth plan and that the growth plan consisted of what they wanted their trajectory to look like. Right? So they would tell us how much I want to be making, what I want to be doing. This is what I want for my future.

We would ask them that. And then HR, myself as part of the HR team would help to work to help them put that plan together. Whether that meant set up meetings with other people in the company, in other departments to help them get the training or the skill that they needed, help them show how much value they needed to provide in order to get that. Like I was actually part of this initiative and it felt so good every day to be able to help people to do that in the organization. This organization was about 200 people at the time. So that’s one thing that great organizations do.

So my hard one lesson, it took me 10 years to figure that out in relationships. I stayed for a very long time trying to please somebody that would never be happy because he just wasn’t going to be happy. I figured this out the hard way. So my experience was like a PhD in personal relationships. That’s what I call it because a PhD takes around 10 years, right? Nine or 10 years. So I was like, I got my doctorate in relationships and I thought to myself after that, I was like, you could put me in any relationship after this and I could make it work, but I will choose very carefully which one I actually want to make work. So let’s get your PhD in valuing yourself professionally and personally so it does not have to take you 10 years. So when we’re not aware of what we believe about our value, we can become victim to something called value blindness. So I came up with this term.

This is part of the symptom. So tell me if you’ve ever said something like this, a symptom of value blindness is people will say, Oh, you did such a good job with that. That was fantastic. And you’ll say, no, I was just doing my job or it was no big deal. Or anyone would have done the same thing. Really. I didn’t even do anything. Or they’re just being nice to praise me. Right. They don’t mean it. Right. Yeah. So this is value blindness, right? So it’s like you feel uncomfortable accepting compliments. You’re like, no, no, no. Like get the attention off me. I didn’t do anything, but you’re missing out on the fact that someone else would not have done the exact same thing. You’re missing out on all the specific things that you did that made the thing successful, right? You’re not paying any attention to that. You kind of dismiss it. So another symptom is this. You justify low value opportunities. You justify a low quality treatment and you don’t even really know you’re doing that because you think you have a really good reason for it.

So the justification implies that there’s a good reason and it’s well justified, you know, and this is value blindness playing out in your life in a different way. So I wanted to make it so crystal clear. So I’m using some dating examples and this actually really happened. So my ex’s sister, people who treated her very, very poorly, like physical abuse. And this is one of the things that he would say one of her boyfriends would say the last three jobs, they just, they haven’t paid me. Like for some reason, this man, my sister, my ex’s sister’s boyfriend, he had all these jobs throughout the time that I knew him yet. None of these jobs ever paid him any money. So it’s like if you’re dating somebody and they say, yeah, I’ve been working, but no, none of my jobs pay me. And it wasn’t my fault. Right. Justifying that might be like, Oh, these companies are horrible. How could they not pay you? That’s awful.

I mean, you’re such a good person. You’re working so hard and yet they’re not paying you. Not reading between the lines that, you know, that’s a lie. He did get paid and he just went and spent the money on alcohol. It’s like we can get so good at justifying these things. But I wanted to use this example because I personally find it very hard to believe that three separate companies would not pay this person for his work. Right. I’m thinking, okay, well the common denominator here is this person. It’s not these three companies. Okay. Another extreme example. If you’re dating someone and he or she has to check your phone every night and you justify it and you say, Oh, it’s because they just don’t trust easily.

They’ve had a hard time before they’ve been cheated on three or four times. And you know, it’s just understandable that they would have to make sure, right? No, that’s you justifying bad behavior. And that’s obvious. Like we can see this, right? Like when I’m sharing these examples, you’re like, Oh, well, obviously that’s not good. Right. I mean, most people would be able to see that this is my extreme example in dating, but it translates over into work like this and it’s not so obvious. Right. So somebody is like, Oh, the commute’s two hours each way. But you know, the office is great and they have free snacks there.

And you know, they have parking and you know, it’s great, but that’s four hours out of your day that you’re justifying even, and they have no flexibility on remote work, right? That’s you justifying a situation that doesn’t value you or your time, but it seems legit, right? Crystal says, my former COR on a government contract that I work for with for three years, wants me to apply for a job and he thinks I can do. I have not applied because I don’t think I will get it. Okay.

Well, I have lots of questions about that, Crystal, but I’m going to move on with the content. Helen says, he should ask for more money. That’s an opportunity to advocate value for yourself. Yes, Helen, but I think you’re missing the point. He was getting paid money. He just was hiding it and saying he wasn’t getting paid so that he wouldn’t have to bring any money home to his family because three places in a row don’t simply just not pay you. Oh, did I cover all that? Okay. Yeah. So they don’t pay me almost enough to live off of, but they’re a startup, right? And nothing wrong with working for a startup. But if you desire to make more money, if you really want that for yourself, if you don’t, that’s okay. But if your true desire is to make more money, then you just don’t consider the startup as an option. I work 12 hours a day, but their mission is so important, right? It’s like, Oh, some companies, they expect everybody to work a lot of extra time and that’s just their culture.

Everybody does that. Everybody works, everybody overworks. And that’s just how it is. And that’s easy to justify. We can justify these low value environments, right? We could be like, Oh yeah, but that’s just how it is there. Their mission is so important. Like, and then we might even say, I don’t even mind. Right. But if you end up getting even a tiny bit resentful later, we know that you’re going against what you truly want. Okay. This is an extreme example for work. They put monitoring software on my computer to make sure I’m working, but that’s okay. I mean, it makes sense that they want to track my every move. I mean, I’m on company time, right? No, this is a low value environment. They don’t trust you. Not cool, but easy to justify, right? Oh, it makes sense. No. Okay.

Here’s another example. So I don’t know if you guys have ever seen those Febreze ads where they talk about becoming nose blind. So like if you’re in a space that smells bad for a long time, you can’t smell it anymore. But if someone else walks into the space, they’re like, Oh, what is that smell? Right? So value blindness is kind of like nose blindness, which I experienced as a kid. I remember thinking this. So when I grew up, my dad had a furniture store, he built furniture and they had a retail store and I was working there quite often as a young kid and people would come in and they would say, Oh, it smells so good in here. And I would say, I don’t get it. Like I don’t smell anything. And they were talking about the smell of cedar and pine because the whole place was filled with furniture and I didn’t smell it because I’d been around it my whole life. So I couldn’t smell it. Right. And it’s the same for your value.

You’ve been around it your whole life. You’ve been so close to it. It’s so natural to you that you would never know what it really looks like or how it really benefits somebody else. You assume everybody has the same, not true. So similarly, you cannot recognize your own value because you have lived with it every day of your life. Right. And the only reason I ended up doing what I’m doing now is because I got laid off and because I realized how easy this process was for me and how fun it was. And it just kind of happened where people would come to me and say, Oh my God, how much for my resume? How much to coach me for interviewing? Like I want to pay you for this because I know that you can help me because look at what you’ve done. And I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s do it. I’m happy to help. I’m happy to help. Right. But if that hadn’t happened, if I’d have been laid off and all these people saw me do what I did, that would have never happened. Right. I wouldn’t have never known it. So most of us don’t have that specific circumstance happen. So we don’t get to see our own value that clearly. Right. And the thing that trips most of us up is our brain is so good at justifying the low value situations. Who here from watching this so far has seen a way where you’ve justified yourself in a low value situation.

So the brain will make excuses that keep you thinking you need to tolerate that you need to stay in that situation, even though there’s a whole world of high value situations that you could be a part of if you only knew so many times. Yeah. Over the course of years, I’m sure. Right. Like me 10 years. All right. I put this caveat here and I just wanted to say that people will misunderstand what I’m saying sometimes. And they’ll say things like, Oh, but I have to pay bills. Oh, but you don’t understand. Oh, but this, Oh, but that, Oh, but that. And I’m not talking about that. Okay. But what I do want to say is question what you’re willing to do for a little bit of money. Okay. Question the treatment that you’re available for a little bit of money. Cause you always have a choice. Okay. And so I want you to know that. And as long as you believe you always have a choice, you will always find a choice. So I’m not talking about like survival like that, but I don’t want, like it’s some things are just not worth it. Right.

Physical abuse, not worth it. Mental abuse at work, not worth it. Like personally, I would rather live beneath like live on the street than be treated like that. Right. So it’s like, what do you value? So I’m just wanted to mention that because a lot of people, they misunderstand what I’m saying. And they’ll be like, but I need to survive. I need to pay bills. That’s easy for you to say, cause you’re not. And it’s like, you know what, ultimately you do what’s best for you. I’m just here to speak to the part of you that wants more. And if you want that, I’m here to show you how to get that. So the process it takes knowing what’s stopping you from valuing yourself.

Now, what you don’t know, you can’t see for yourself is hard because it’s a blind spot. Just like in my relationship, that was such a blind spot for me. I justified all the behavior. I was like, Oh no, but that’s not his fault. You know, he had trauma as a kid. So that’s why he’s treating me like shit right now. And that’s okay. Cause poor him, right? Like I justified, I was so good at justifying. Right. Cause subconsciously I thought this is it. You know, you got to settle for what you get. It’s better to be with someone than alone.

So I tried to make it work so hard and it was never going to be, it was never going to be great. So you need the tools and skills and you need to value yourself of your work so that it’s attractive and a no brainer for people that can benefit from it. And then they can pay you more. And there’s actual tangible knowledge of being immersed in examples of this from other people. So you have a ton of examples of ways that you’ve created value of ways that it can be communicated in ways that it can be a no brainer. But this is the thing we spend the least amount of time on. We don’t really understand it. And then understanding the difference between the high and low value environments, because you can have that VCVC done. You can be like, I know my value. I know how to communicate it. I’m communicating it all these ways. But if you keep communicating it only to low value places, then there’s going to be a mismatch there still.

Well, I hope you enjoyed that. We cut it off about halfway through. So if you want to listen to the rest of it, you just have to tune in next week and we’re going to play the rest of the training. And again, let me know if you have any questions about this or if you have anything that really resonated that you wanted to share with me. I love hearing from you because I’m just putting stuff out there. I don’t know what you’re getting from it or if you’re hearing it or what’s going on. So let me know because I really enjoy hearing about your experiences and how you’ve either transcended through some hard stuff or how you want to and how I might be able to help you. So let me know and tune in next week. Hey there.

Thanks for listening. If you’re new here, I’m Natalie Fisher. And if you want to take this work even deeper than the podcast, where I help you apply it and I help you dig into your own personal situation. You have two ways to do that. The first is in my signature program, the Six Figure Curriculum, where we go through everything you need. And I personally help you weekly to land that six figure premium role.  And the second way, once you land that six figure premium role is the Time to Thrive Mastermind. So if you’re already in an amazing premium role that you love and you want to advance, you want to develop your mindset, you want to thrive in that role. Then I support you in my Time to Thrive Mastermind.

So that’s the two ways that you can work with me. If you want to take the work on the podcast deeper, the links for those are in the show notes below. To go right away, you can go to www.nataliefisher.ca forward slash start.