Welcome to the Get a Six-Figure Job You Love and Thrive podcast. This is episode 218, The Five Subconscious Influence Boosters to Secure an Offer. Welcome to the Get a Six-Figure Job You Love and Thrive podcast, where I, Natalie Fisher, am teaching you weekly how to land your premium role that you love and thrive in it.

Let’s go. All right, well, I’m doing video today. I’m excited.

I’m gonna start doing video with all of my podcasts so that you can all see me on LinkedIn and hear me at the same time. And today I’m gonna go through five of the things that I’ve identified that are subconscious with examples. I’ve got lots of examples for you today on how to influence somebody else, right? Influence somebody else and bring them into your world in a way that most people won’t do, especially in an interview because you’ve just met this person.

Most people are not gonna be able to do this. And so I wanna give you that leg up today. So let’s start with number one.

So number one is that non-attachment piece. It’s so important. So even I slip out of it sometimes.

And I would say it’s definitely subconscious thing, but I’ll give you an example of how I recently repelled somebody signing up for my program because I got out of that self, out of that attachment piece and how it’s really a balance between knowing that it’s important for that. Like, I’m like, I know it’s important for this person to sign up if they’re interested because I know when they sign up, they’re gonna start getting results faster. They’re gonna start opening up a new world for themselves.

They’re gonna start creating new neural pathways. And like, my belief in my program is solid. And I’m like, I know that I want them to sign up for them if they’re interested, right? And they expressed interest and they were asking some really good questions, right? And then there’s the balance between not pushing them because I know I can’t ever do that, right? It’s the same with a hiring manager, right? It’s like, you want them to hire you and you want them to make a decision and move it along sooner because you know that as soon as that happens, you can get to work and you can start making a difference and a contribution and they can get their goals moved upon faster and everything will get moving faster and that will be good for everybody.

But to the same extent, you don’t wanna push them into it or make them feel like you’re pushing them into it at all. And I kind of made that mistake and it was definitely something that I realized later. And I’m telling you this because I still do it sometimes, right? Like I had my recent launch, I had several new people sign up.

I don’t exactly know how many, but it was awesome. We had a ton of new people in. We’re starting that eight-week challenge.

However, we did not, like I repelled a couple people. I know that. I can look back and I can say, oh, that I can see how my messages were kind of pushy, right? And maybe you don’t have that tendency, but it’s like you wanna have the balance, right? We wanna have the balance.

Like when we’re selling somebody on ourselves or on our program like I am or on hiring you, we need to have that balance between, you know, you can do whatever you need to do like under your own timing. And this is important though that we do start quickly because this is what’s on the other side for you, right? So it’s like a balance of communicating those two things subconsciously. And so basically what in interviews, I didn’t have a problem with this.

Like I don’t remember having a problem with being attached with any of the interviews because I would say out loud, and I think this really helped me say out loud. It was like, regardless of what you decide, I really enjoyed meeting you. And I think this was a really valuable conversation and I loved learning about your company.

And I meant that, and that was totally congruent and real to me, right? And so I would just say that out loud. So there’s something that you can say and just repeat it and feel it and be like, regardless of what happens, I’m really happy to have had the opportunity to be here, right, and learn about your company. It’s always a networking opportunity later.

Like I’m also thinking that those people that I repelled this time, they might come back around. That does happen all the time too. So it’s a balance.

And so basically what I did was they were asking some questions and I answered some of the questions. And then I was like, but you know, you gotta get in there. You better get in there now so we can start coaching on Tuesday because you don’t wanna put this off any longer, right? And the way that I said it, I’m probably saying it better just now, but the way that I said it, I can think of, I’m like, I don’t think that’s what the person needed.

I think they needed a little bit more reassurance, a little bit more discussion around whether or not this was right for them based on what they had told me, right? So it’s a nuanced thing. It’s definitely something that is something that I’ve practiced a lot. And I’m like, I wasn’t really attached, but I think I came across as attached.

So that’s the first most important piece, right? Because when they can feel that you’re totally, like you’ve got other things going on, you’re not in a hurry, as soon as someone feels like any pressure or like pushing, they feel that way or they receive it that way, they’re gonna pull back, right? So that’s the first thing. So, and I think you can fix that by just saying it out loud, saying, hey, I really enjoyed being here, no matter what you decide, I understand hiring is a hard job and I get that. And so totally fine, right? No matter what you decide, it’s been great.

And there’s another part of it, which you can use to kind of tell them what’s going on with you. And you can be like, and hey, it’s fine either way, but just so you know, I am actively interviewing and I will need to make a decision within two weeks time. So if you could let me know by then, that would be great.

Or if there’s anything that I need to do to help you make your decision, you’re my top choice. I will be very excited to hear from you. However, I just wanna let you know, that’s kind of my timeline.

So either way, totally cool, right? So there’s ways you can word it, but you wanna have that balance between like, hey, if this is important and I’m not gonna be on the market forever, like for you, if you’re job searching, cause that’s like the plan, you’re not gonna be on the market forever and you wanna have that attitude and that feeling and that momentum towards where you’re going versus yeah, take your time, whenever’s fine, I’m not doing anything, I’ll be available, I’ll be sitting by my phone, don’t even worry about it. Like, whatever you decide is fine, whenever you’re ready. We don’t want that kind of energy.

We want the kind of energy that’s like, hey, yeah, I loved it, I really want to pursue this, I’m really interested in this position. However, I am gonna be making a decision soon cause I am actively interviewing. So whatever you decide is totally fine, I just wanted to let you know that.

What would you respect more, right? Like if you’re on the other side of it and if we think about dating, which I use that analogy a lot, some people don’t like it, but I still think it works is what would you respect more? What would you be more attracted to, right? So if you are interested, you’re gonna be thinking, okay, got it, I’m gonna have to get this person signed up and onboarded and we’ll get going or you’re gonna be thinking, nah, I’m not really interested but I respect that they said that or I don’t think we’re gonna hire them but I respect that they gave me their timeline. Like there’s no downside to it because you are commanding respect for your time, for what you’re doing and saying, hey, you know what? I’m not just sitting around waiting for you. Like I do have other things going on but I would prefer to get it going with you but I also know that I can’t control that fully.

So I’m just letting you know, just putting it all out there, laying my cards on the table and that’s, I believe for me has been the best way to do that and what people can respect more because I don’t think there’s a downside to that. So that’s the first one. Second one is paying more attention to how you’re feeling in the interview versus what you’re saying.

So this is the mistake a lot of people will make. They’ll go to scripted answers on YouTube, they’ll try to find an answer that they wanna say and then they’ll practice and rehearse saying it, right? And like, there’s nothing wrong with that but you wanna bring in feeling because the feeling, how you’re feeling when you’re talking is more important, right? So if you’re, it’s like that example of when you go and up to offer someone to buy them a drink in a bar and then you don’t sound very confident, you’re kind of shy and you’re like your body language is low, you’re like, oh, can I buy you a drink? Like that, how you’re feeling is very obvious, right? You’re feeling nervous, you’re feeling maybe doubtful, uncertain, like, I don’t know why I’m even doing this kind of thing versus if you go and you’re like, hey, can I buy you a drink? Like, you don’t even have to be feeling confident. You could just be feeling open, curious, up for the moment, right? Like, you don’t even have to be feeling confident if you can’t get there, right? But how you’re feeling is super more important than what you’re saying because imagine this, imagine if you’re talking and there’s thought bubbles above your head, right? So, and those thought bubbles, they have to be completely congruent with what you’re actually saying, right? So if you’re talking about how you did something at work, how you, say you finished a project, right? But if you’re, they’re telling, they’re asking you, say, for example, tell me a time you had success doing something at your previous position.

And you were like, oh, well, I did this, did this, did this. You’re listing the facts of something that you did. And then you’re like, yeah, and then we got this result.

If in your head, you’re thinking, yeah, but I was just doing my job. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. That tone is gonna come through.

And that’s the tone I see with a lot of people. They’re like, yeah, so I did this. And yeah, I did that.

And yeah, you know, it was fine. And you know, we finished and it was great. Instead of what you could be thinking instead could be something like, I brought major value to that organization and we saved hundreds of thousands of dollars or millions of dollars or even soft skills, like with the morale of the people, right? Like maybe when you were there, you had one-on-ones with people and it lifted them immensely.

And maybe you’re feeling those feelings of how awesome that was and how you could even put yourself back in that situation where you’re talking about it. And you’re like, you’re feeling that fulfillment that you felt when you did it, right? And you’re like, oh, that was so good. And it’ll make you want to say more things about it.

It’ll make you want to include more details. It’ll make you, like the feeling will be so different, right, when you’re thinking about how you felt when you were doing it and how proud you felt, right? So if you’re feeling proud, if you’re feeling excited about sharing this with somebody, right? You’re like, oh, we did that and this was a result. And you can even say like, I felt pretty proud after that.

I think that was a really good moment in my career and I enjoyed it. And it’s gonna wanna make you say more things that are relevant when you’re feeling the feeling of proud, for example, right? Versus if you’re telling the same story, you’re talking about the same successful event, but the way that you’re saying it is you’re thinking in your head, it’s being fueled by a, yeah, I was just doing my job. It wasn’t a big deal.

You’re gonna brush past things that you said or that you did. You’re going to not include a lot of details. You’re gonna maybe rush to talk about it.

You’re gonna rush through the story. You’re not gonna really wanna share. You’re not really gonna wanna stop.

Maybe you’ll talk really, really fast, right? Because subconsciously, you don’t really think it matters that much, right? So these are subtle things that you’ll do that are your vibe that people will pick up on, right? And I used to do this too. I used to talk really, really fast when I was talking about my offer or I was trying to sell something. And I realized that somebody pointed that out to me.

One of my mentors pointed that out to me and they’re like, why are you rushing through that? And I’m like, I don’t know why. I’m like, and then I looked at it, I got curious. And this is one of the things, it’s like being the most coachable will make you the most successful, right? So it’s like looking at that stuff that you’re doing and you might not even see it, right? That’s why coaching is so superpower because someone else can kind of hold up a mirror and show you, oh, look, you’re talking a little bit fast.

You’re going through that really fast. Is there a reason why you don’t wanna slow down and tell us the details, right? And sometimes a pause slowing down can really change the way that someone receives what you’re saying, right? And so, and I get that a lot with clients. They will end up talking really fast and it’s cause they just wanna brush by.

They don’t wanna say, they don’t want to actually tell the story. They maybe think this is a silly question in the first place or whatever it is you’re thinking. So those are all thought bubbles that are basically above your head, even though you’re not directly saying them, right? So imagine somebody that has thought bubbles, like they’re telling a story of their success and their thought bubbles are, that wasn’t really that big of a deal.

I just wanna get through this and finish telling them what I’m telling them. I did it, okay? I don’t understand why I have to tell you I did it. You already know I did it.

It’s on my resume. Like all kinds of things that could affect how you’re coming across, how you’re talking about it, right? And then there’s someone who’s like, so that’s one example of a state that someone could be in. It could be feeling rushed.

They could be feeling uncertain. They could be feeling doubtful. They could be feeling dismissive or flippant.

Like it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t really do much. It was just my job versus somebody who is talking about it and saying, yeah, that was so fun.

I was so fulfilled when I was doing that project. That was one of a great experience that I had in my career. I was able to communicate and change the perspectives of so many people on the team.

And we really enjoyed our teamwork together. We had a party afterwards and I had one client who said that she even had one of her team members send or write her a song and insert some cool lyrics that applied. It’s paying attention more to how you’re feeling than what you’re saying.

Because what you’re saying comes out in how you’re feeling. It’s like the heart of it. So it’s like, if somebody is gonna deliver you a pizza, the preparing of the pizza and the driving of the delivery man to bring you the pizza, that’s your thinking and feeling.

And the actual words are just the pizza that you get, right? So when the person is preparing it and when they’re driving over, if they haven’t done that with care and consideration, if they haven’t put the things on the pizza that you said you wanted, that you ordered, if they haven’t put it in the box right, like maybe they put it in upside down or whatever, like they haven’t put it in the box right. They drove over and like it went all over the place and some of it felt right. Like when you get that pizza, it’s either gonna be not what you wanted, like a disastrous mess that doesn’t have the right stuff on it and was kind of half out of the box, or you’re gonna get a pizza that was put together carefully and thoughtfully and delivered professionally at your door, right? So what I’m saying here is it’s your thoughts and your feelings are the pizza and the driver.

And then like the preparing of the pizza and the driving over with the pizza. And then the pizza itself that you get in front of you, that is the result of that. So it’s like your thoughts and your feelings are those two things, right? It’s the preparing of the pizza and then the driving over with it are your thoughts and your feelings.

And then when you deliver that answer, when you deliver that story, it’s either gonna be really nicely presented and well-received, or it’s gonna be a disaster. And the thing is, they’re not gonna tell you if it’s a disaster. They’re just gonna tune out, ignore, choose somebody else, right? So that’s why we need to put more care and attention into how we feel and what we think than what we say, right? Because what we say is just whatever the end result is.

And we don’t want that to be by accident. We don’t want that to be haphazard. We want that to be very intentional.

So I hope that pizza metaphor landed. It could maybe use some work, but I hope you got the point. All right, number three.

Another big subconscious influence is being vulnerable. So a lot of people miss this part and they don’t know how to do it, or they just feel uncomfortable doing it. And I can tell you that this is huge, okay? So like at the beginning of this episode, I shared with you about how I repelled some people from signing up.

Like I know at least a couple of people, voicemails I sent, I don’t think I did a good job of those. And you know what? I’m okay with that. But I also know that there’s room for improvement for next time.

So that me sharing that with you, that was vulnerable. Even like being in business for this long, I’m like, yeah, I still made that mistake. But I’m not like making a big deal about it, right? I’m using it as a sharing moment to share with you that we’re not perfect, none of us are.

And you don’t have to be successful to get hired, to get multiple offers, to build a business where you have multiple wonderful people working with you for help. Like you don’t have to be perfect for that. So vulnerable actually really helps you get connected to the people that you wanna connect with on a deeper level.

And in interviews, this is something that can really help you to stand out because not so many people do it, right? So not being afraid to be vulnerable, this can look like even if you’re nervous and then saying you’re nervous, if you find yourself feeling nervous. So I have an experience like that where I was at an interview, one of my very first ones and my face was shaking and they could tell and they were like, are you okay? And I said, yes, but if it looks like I’m nervous, it’s probably because I am. And then everybody laughed and that broke the ice and brought us closer together.

And subconsciously, they were more connected to me and more interested in what I had to say after that because I admitted something vulnerable that not everybody necessarily would, right? And after that, I hit the nail on the head with my answers for the most part and I landed that job offer. And I love that I didn’t have to be perfectly poised and confident and polished in order to do that. And then in fact, actually being nervous helped me, right? And I remember afterwards, they would talk about that interview and they said, hey, Natalie was really nervous in her interview and she was still able to come up with really good answers.

So I don’t think being nervous is a problem. And I remember one of the people in that interview, she was saying that to somebody else, right? She was saying that to somebody who was nervous about a presentation or whatever. She’s like, yeah.

She’s like, Natalie’s face was shaking. And she’s like, but she still managed to come up with answers that really made us think and that really impressed us. So I was like, it’s really true because a lot of people don’t know that and I wouldn’t have known that either.

But I think the reason I’m able to be so vulnerable is probably because of my dad because he would always be just very honest about things. He would just tell things how they were. He was always fine with being very human about things and he didn’t have a problem.

And I think that I took that away from him. I saw that example and I was like, oh, it’s fine. Like people don’t care that much, right? If you just say the truth.

So that’s one example of being vulnerable. Just if you find yourself feeling nervous in that situation and maybe you can tell that they can tell, just say it. Just say, hey, I’m feeling a bit nervous if it seems like that’s probably why, right? Can break the ice, can make you feel more relaxed.

That’s one way. But I’ve shared a lot of other things that are vulnerable. And I think that’s really what has made me stand apart.

And not just in my interviewing where I was able to get competing job offers like quickly and repeatedly, but in my business too. So now I share different stories. Like as my life has progressed, I’ve shared a lot of different stories that have been very vulnerable and have not, not very many people would share.

So in my interviews, I also remember sharing about my weight loss struggles as a kid and ongoing. I’ve talked about big mistakes I’ve made that have been really embarrassing at the time, but then I have gotten coaching on them, processed them and been able to move forward to not be afraid to still do things and still make mistakes, right? So I’ve shared about a lot of those mistakes, which I think really hits home with people because we all know that feeling when we make a mistake at work and we feel terrible, right? So they’re very relatable. And I have shared a lot of that stuff.

And I’m not coming at it from the mind of like, oh, I don’t want them to judge me or think I’m stupid. I don’t, what if I lose this offer from telling them? I’m like, no, I made this huge mistake and I’m happy to share that because this is how I handled it as a human. And this is who I am now because of it, right? I also love sharing these mistakes with clients because they feel terrible sometimes about mistakes they’ve made.

And I’m just like, hey, you know what? I’ve made a bigger one and I recovered from it. And so it really helps all around to just be more human and more vulnerable. And subconsciously this connects them with you.

This is rapport building. And it will make them think things like, wow, that was really gutsy of her to share that. Or wow, that was really impressive how she handled that.

Or, oh, that’s really interesting. Like they’ll pick out bits of the story that they find interesting. Like we never know what someone’s gonna take away from that, right? And if they do judge you or take away the worst possible things they could or whatever, they are not your people anyway, right? Like it’s like when I was dating, I had to tell my now partner something really vulnerable.

And I was really scared to tell him about this. And when I told him, I was really afraid of his reaction. And I was actually thinking that he was gonna break up with me right then and there.

And I didn’t wanna tell him. And then I did. And he just was like, well, you’re a human, just like the rest of us.

He didn’t like have any issue with it. He was just like, yeah, you’re a human being too. Like that’s just part of life, right? So, and he felt appreciative and we felt closer because of it, right? So that’s how it really works.

It’s not how people think, especially in interviews and when we’re doing stuff professionally, people think it’s like, oh, you gotta be so polished, so professional, you gotta say everything perfectly. Well, I don’t think I would have ever gotten to where I am had I had to have done that. Because I think that the biggest superpower that I have had and carry throughout and strengthen is talking about those vulnerable moments, talking about those moments that where I cried or I had a really bad week or things really affected me.

And then it’s not about the circumstances themselves, but it’s like how I come out of them and who I become and who I evolve into after those things happen, right? And what I learned, that’s so interesting, right? It’s so eye-opening and so like revolutionary that a person would share that with a stranger, right? So it’s not something you have to, I’m not saying you should share anything that you’re not comfortable with sharing. Like these stories that I share now, they’re in the past enough that I don’t feel like I’m gonna start crying about it right now or that I’m gonna get like worked up about it or have like an emotional reaction right in the moment because it’s in the past and I’ve worked through it, right? So it’s, you wanna discern what you’re gonna talk about. And there’s also the discernment of, you wanna talk about it in an elegant way where you’re talking about it from the standpoint of like who you’ve become, what you’ve learned, how you experienced it, but not in a point where you’re like looking for sympathy, like that’s not something I think anybody would do, but there is a difference between that, right? It’s like, oh, you don’t want someone to feel sorry for you for the story.

You want someone to admire you and see the courage and the pain that you went through and either relate to you or respect you or have positive thoughts and feelings about you, which is totally possible. I feel like that’s something I do very naturally, but worth mentioning in case maybe that’s what you were thinking because you don’t ever have to share anything you’re not comfortable sharing yet or something that you’re not sure about. And as a coach, I really help people a lot with that kind of thing.

So sometimes people will come into the program and they’ll be like, I wanna share this story, but I don’t really know how to share it congruently. And that’s something that we would work through and we would come up with a narrative that represents very honestly what you wanna share in a way that makes you feel really congruent and good to share it. Because coming up with those words sometimes can be a skill, right? And so that’s something that I’m really good at.

So that’s number three, being vulnerable. And then number four, don’t take issue with not knowing something, okay? This is huge. So a lot of people are like, oh my God, I didn’t know the answer to that.

They’re like, what if I like failed the interview now? What if it’s just done? They don’t trust me anymore because I should have known that, right? But you know what? Nobody knows everything and you don’t have to know everything to land the job. And that’s something a lot of people don’t know. So when you don’t take issue with not knowing something, that’s actually really huge because the way that we lead, we lead with our energy.

So if you don’t make a big deal about not knowing something, they won’t make a big deal about it either, right? But the stronger energy will win, right? So this is really huge. So even if they are looking at you thinking like, oh, you really should have known that, you know, like, oh, no, no. Like, even if they are judging you, even if this is most people’s worst fears, even though it doesn’t all normally happen, like most of the time people don’t, but sometimes you get into an environment where you’re interviewing and people are judging you or they’re not looking at you very kindly or they’re not giving you an opportunity to explain or, you know, and these are not right fits, right? However, if you wanna prepare yourself for this, you can say, who do I wanna be in that situation? Say the worst case scenario does happen, okay? Let’s say, right? Let’s say I go in and I don’t know the answer to something and I don’t know what to say.

And then I feel judged and I feel like I should know and I start beating myself up. Who do I actually wanna be in that situation, right? And you have a choice, right? So ask yourself who you wanna be and how you wanna be looking at yourself, right? When you don’t know. And this is actually really introspective and interesting because a lot of people, they beat themselves up for not knowing something that they could have never known, right? There’s in no world could you go back and predict that’s what you needed to know.

In no world is that a thing, right? So we need to make sure that we are giving ourselves the appropriate grace to say, okay, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. There’s no way I could have predicted that. So who do I wanna be when I’m faced with a question or a situation where I just don’t know in this moment, right? So I recommend that people say, I don’t know, right? That they say, I don’t know that actually.

However, this is how I would go about finding out if I was in the job. And I might’ve said this recently, but like in a job interview is very different than what the experience would be when actually in the job, it’s very different, right? Because there’s no situation in which you get hired and then they say to you, you have to know the answer to this right now or you’re fired, right? No situation, right? They just, they tell you what you gotta do and then you gotta either ask clarifying questions or you gotta go find out, right? And you get the opportunity to do both of those things. You get the opportunity to have a conversation to clarify what it is that you’re needing to get done or find out.

And then you get to go find it, right? And there’s no way in which you don’t find it, right? If you’re somebody who’s resourceful and able to find answers, like able to ask people, like there’s a bazillion different ways to find the answer, right? So it’s not fair to put someone on the spot like that and like assume that they then can’t do a job because they don’t know that one answer, right? And now there are some situations where maybe you’re like, no, I really should have known that answer. And if that’s the case, again, still no point in beating yourself up whatsoever. But then what you wanna do is say, okay, well, I’m gonna go research the heck out of that so I never run into that situation again, right? Like, I don’t know, somebody had told me something about in software engineering, they always ask one question about classes or something and she’s like, I really should have known that.

And she was a very beginner software engineer or whatever. And it turns out that she did know the answer but she just didn’t understand the verbiage that they were using, the way that they were asking it didn’t make sense. So then when she went back, she’s like, oh yeah, that’s another way to say it.

And I didn’t know that, right? So she did actually know the answer. So it’s just important that you do. Again, she could have never known that before.

She couldn’t have really prepared for that. So the way that you actually get good at this is you go back and you prepare for that stuff after. You’re like, okay, yeah, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

Now I know, good, right? But there are some things you’re just never gonna know beforehand. You could never know. So there’s no point in beating yourself up over that.

So there we have it. That’s number four is don’t take issue when you don’t know something because there will be.