Hello and welcome to the Get a Six Frigga Job You Love and Thrive Podcast.  Today’s episode is called I Should Be Doing More. Another version of that is I could be doing more. Let’s talk about it. I had my group call with my coaching clients this morning,  and one of them brought something  that I think so many people struggle with and that the model that we did for her  and the new outlook that she has on this now  is going to change her behavior moving forward. So I just wanted to come and share it with everybody because it’s a really useful way.  that we use the tools, the coaching tools to get ourselves to change our actual behavior.  Because what happens is we, she was, this is what she was doing. This is her,  so if you listen to me, you don’t know the model, go listen to one of the episodes where I talk about the model.  But I’ll recap it here. So circumstance is the thing that you  can’t. Like the thing that you can’t change, it’s going to be the past, somebody else’s behavior, something somebody said word for word.  It’s the circumstances, something that can be proven in a court of law that everybody agrees with.  It’s something that’s very boring  and factual.  And it’s  it’s basically  like a sentence somebody said or  or the fact that, you know, this is an iPhone or this is a tree or like collective agreements we all have. We’ve all agreed that we call  that we give things certain names or we call things certain things.  So  for the circumstance in this client’s model, her circumstance was that she has a job contract that ends in November. So it’s July, she’s got a job contract that ends in November. That’s her circumstance, okay? No, that’s neither good nor bad. It all depends on her thought about it.  So her thought is that she needs to find something new by November,  something…  that she can step into when her job in November ends,  when her contract in November ends, right?  So her thought  is right now when she brought it, her  unuseful, uncoached thought was, I should be doing more. I should be doing more.  And  that thought we realized makes her feel stressed out because when she thinks I should be doing more, it implies I’m not doing enough. which means that she feels stressed because it means the possibility of her getting the job that she wants by November is less whenever she thinks that thought.  So then her feeling of stress,  what we we learned, and this is for her  specifically, was creating avoidance.  She wasn’t logging into LinkedIn. She wasn’t applying for jobs.  What she was actually doing was scrolling on social media and then beating herself up for scrolling, feeling guilty about it, saying that’s not helpful behavior.  And basically the behavior coming from the thought I should be doing more and that feeling of stress that was created by that thought is actually creating behavior that takes her farther away from the result she wants.  And the result that she ends up getting from this is she does less of what she could do. She does less of what she wants to do. She does less to move her forward.  And essentially that model If we loop that, if that keeps looping in her head, I should be doing more. I should be doing more. I should be doing more. And you feel stressed and you feel stressed. And then you  do the same behaviors like you avoid LinkedIn. You  scroll on social media.  You watch TV, all that kind of thing. Then the result is you end up doing less than you want to be doing. And you don’t practice being motivated or being disciplined or diving into the stuff you know you want to actually do. or need to actually do will need to actually do eventually, right? So  bit of procrastination going on. that thought is actually the problem.  I’m so in the coaching, I asked her  what is the advantage of thinking I should be doing more.  And she’s like, I don’t think there is an advantage. She thought about it for a second. She’s like, I don’t think there’s any advantage to thinking I should be doing more.  And then she thought, oh, but it reminds me of what I should be doing. Right.  So that tells me her brain was afraid that it was going to forget. that she could be applying for jobs, reaching out to people, connecting with people, right?  And so because of that, then she keeps thinking it because she thinks there is a use for it. She thinks, well, it reminds me of what I’m supposed to do. If I think I should be doing more than I’m reminded of what I’m supposed to do.  But  in coaching, we look at the thought and we say, OK, is it really worth it? Is it worth the effort to think that thought? Because a new thought takes just as much effort to think. as the old one. And we want to put it, we want to input the thought that’s going to get the best results. So I think of the model like a computer program, like a software code. And the thought is part of the is the code. And if we enter the code, I should be doing more for this particular client. It’s not getting the results she wants. It’s not working. It’s not producing what we want. So I suggested a different thought. I’m like, once she understood because The awareness has to be there first. You have to understand that it is the thinking that is the problem. The thought is the problem. So that thought, I should be doing more. That is a problem thought. That is a useless thought. That is a garbage thought that is not getting you where you want to go. Right. And then we need to change it. And the beautiful thing about coaching that I love so much is there are millions of thoughts that we can choose from, millions of thoughts that we can choose from. And any Like  so many of them are going to be so much better than I could be doing more in  accordance to this result that she’s trying to get.  So we settled on this one. So I gave her a bunch of suggestions. So what  a coach, a good coach does is they will give you suggestions of what else you could think of, how else you could see the situation of what you could think differently, of how you could talk to yourself differently.  And then you  would then grab one of those suggestions,  choose one and say, I like that. Your brain might light up a bit and think, oh, That’s way better.  I want to look at things that way. That makes me feel  way lighter or way  different. Right.  So for her,  the one that I threw out that she liked was I’m going to do one  one simple thing every day to move towards my new job.  And  that  instantly changed the way she was feeling. She’s like, that feels doable. Right. You could just change her, see her state change on the on the zoom when we were on Kajabi, but we were using  camera so you could see her state change. She’s like, that feels doable, right?  And from  when someone says that feels doable, means they  it basically means she’s been shifted to feeling empowered. She’s feeling empowered now to do something right.  And so from there, she’s like, OK, I feel empowered to do something. And then from there, we can look at a bunch of actions that she could do. Right. So simple actions. simply just opening up LinkedIn, just opening it up because she wasn’t even opening it up,  simply  sending one message, simply changing one thing on her profile. It can be very simple. And so if she’s compounding that behavior, if she’s like, I’m doing one simple thing, right,  then that momentum builds, right? And she will want to do more. She will start thinking about it more. She will start feeling more encouraged, more empowered.  Take control of the situation and do it instead of avoiding it where she was thinking I should be doing more because I should be doing more is a very self-judgmental thought  So you’re judging yourself for not doing more It’s baked right into that thinking right  and so you feel stressed out Not only do you feel stressed out because you know, you’re not moving yourself forward,  but you’re also feeling  Like you’re judging yourself for not doing more. So you’re  feeling like a less than  person because you should be doing more than you’re doing, right?  So the whole thought just  isn’t helpful for many reasons.  So the thought,  I can do one simple thing to move me towards my new job every day  is lighter and her brain could get on board with that very easily, right? So everyone’s brain is different. Someone else, someone else I was coaching might have rejected that thought. They might’ve been like, well, I don’t know what to do or they might’ve had a different response to that. But she picked that one up and she’s going to run with that one now. And I know that next week she’s going to come back and have done  more things and she’s going to be feeling better if she’s practiced this new thought.  And it is a practice.  So her brain will want to go back to that old thought of I should be doing more.  And then she’s going to need to redirect it on her own time.  And she’s going to need to redirect herself to do. Oh, I’m doing one simple thing to get me to the job I want every day, every day.  And  that is going to. fuel her forward and imagine how she’ll feel if she’s done one simple thing to move her in that direction for a week. If she does that for five, seven days,  imagine how she’s going to feel afterwards.  She’s going to have a new identity. Like she’s going to be identifying as somebody who does one simple thing every day to get to the job she wants.  She’s going to be identifying as somebody who is  who is capable and empowered to do one simple thing through the things she’s doing through doing that one simple thing, she’s going to be learning something.  She might even get a result from doing these simple things like she reaches out to five people one every day,  she probably will have a conversation or two set up.  She’ll probably have some results. She’ll probably feel more motivated  because she changed that thought. Right.  So The cool part about the coaching that I do is we’re changing the thinking, we’re not just going to change the actions.  So what another coach might have done  is she might have come and said, oh, I’m not feeling motivated, I don’t want to do this,  I  just can’t get myself to apply for jobs.  And another coach might have said, okay, well,  let’s build an accountability system for you, let’s make sure that you have a spreadsheet  for all the jobs that you’re going to apply for.  and let’s make sure that you’ve got it in your calendar and that you’ve set up a time for when you’re going to do it.  And  like they would have gone straight to the action line, right?  But the action line, we all know what we need to do, right? We all know that that ideally would be  great if we could apply for several jobs a day  or we could do  several conversations or several reach outs a day.  But the thing is. we set ourselves up for failure so often because we think, OK, well, I’m to set myself that goal and then we don’t do it and we don’t do it repeatedly. And then the identity that we end up practicing is that we are a failure and that we don’t follow through with with our with our  to do list. Right.  So that is where the action based coaching doesn’t work. And it’s something that I I was before I learned about the thinking and how you need to get to the bottom of what you’re thinking and change that.  I was trying to out act all my negative thoughts and I didn’t know I had them.  And it’s it seems so simple, right? It’s like we’re identifying one little thought that she’s been thinking a lot and we’re identifying that one thought  and we’re looking at it and we’re seeing why it doesn’t serve her, why it’s not getting her the results she wants.  And we’re able to change that thought. First, we shift up the awareness. That’s very important just to know, OK, that’s the thought that’s causing me to not do what I want.  That’s the thought that’s causing this behavior. And then we can change it to a new one  and we can try new ones on like clothes. We can be like, OK, if you  aren’t if that thought’s not working, let’s try. I’m going to do one simple thing.  There’s a bunch of others we could try. So m I could have suggested  things like.  I’m going to. I’m going to talk to more people because I like talking to people. That’s my action or that’s my thing that I’m going to do.  Or I’m going to start um I’m going to start celebrating people who have their new jobs.  I’m going to start looking for people. I’m to start looking for success around me so that I can start to believe success is more possible  for me. um One little tip that I’ll give you is ah I wrote a post about this and it was really good. It was talking about how we let the algorithm influence us more than we should like  the LinkedIn algorithm. So for example,  another thought this client had, for example, was that there are no jobs, right?  That might be something that a lot of people are thinking right now. There are no jobs, right?  And  so the algorithm is the LinkedIn algorithm is influencing us believing that because  if, for example, you  stop to read a post about somebody who has had  struggle in the job hunt, maybe they it’s one of those posts where they’re saying I might be homeless, I need help.  I’ve done all this. I’ve  submitted thousands of applications. I’ve  gone to all these places. I’ve done all these things.  I’m at the end of my rope. I need help. I’m going to be homeless. Help me.  Here’s my GoFundMe page. Like if we stop to read one of those posts, even if we just stop to read it and we don’t engage with it,  the algorithm knows that we read it.  And then what it will do is it will say, oh, OK, this person likes to read posts like that. Let’s show them some more. Right. Because there’s millions of of content pieces. circulating LinkedIn  millions  and the  ones you see  you only see because you expressed an interest no matter how small or short even if you just paused for a second  the algorithm knows that you paused so it’s like oh they might be interested in this we’ll try to show them another one  so  if  it’ll show you more and more and more posts like that so  the  it actually works in the opposite as well  so if you see a post that is  Somebody celebrating a great new role that they just landed and they’ve tagged the company and they’ve tagged the people that helped them get it and  It’s a celebratory post If you see a post like that and you  like it comment on it take a screenshot the algorithm knows when you’re screenshotting things to  Save it  share it if you do all those things the algorithm now is like whoa  This person really wants to see posts of people celebrating their new jobs. OK.  And then it will flood your feed with new job celebrations, new job celebrations, not  stupid ones  like it’s another trend going around LinkedIn, people celebrating. I got up this morning  and using a celebration milestone  as um a way to apparently game the algorithm, although I don’t know because  I have been  doing this myself just congratulating people  and uh engaging with their  actual new job celebrations. And I have been seeing so many new job celebrations, like that is all I see.  So  I know that that works both ways, right? So  if you are feeling down or you are feeling a certain way, consider it’s because of my thinking.  What am I thinking that’s making me feel this way?  And what am I?  ingesting, like what am I reading? What am I paying attention to  that is bringing more of that to me? So if you are looking at a lot of downer posts,  then yes, the algorithm is going to serve you up more of those downer posts.  So  this episode was called I Should Be Doing More.  And  I  never think that’s a helpful thought. I think it’s a really it’s a it’s a thought that, like I said, with my client, it just loops you into thinking You’re not good enough because you’re not doing enough. You should be doing more. Yet it doesn’t actually get you to do more. Like the thought doesn’t make you feel like,  yeah,  I’m going to get up and I’m going to do everything I wanted to do today. And then I’m to feel so good about myself because  I think the reason it can’t work that way is because it’s a self-judgmental thought.  It essentially should you and makes you feel bad like you feel less than just by honoring it. Right. I should be doing more implying I am not doing enough. I am not good enough.  And when we talk to a kid like that,  do you think they’re going to want to do more?  I mean, it can work. There’s the argument that it can work temporarily. Like it can work temporarily.  You can be motivated by that for a little bit of time  if you really want somebody’s approval. Right. For example, like a child might really work hard to gain their parents’ approval  by doing by being shamed and being like, you can do like what? That’s all you could do. Like, I’m so disappointed. And then they might work hard to do better. But  the motivation will come from the wrong place. And eventually that’s what leads to burnout. That’s what leads to trauma.  That’s what leads to depression. Is that never feeling good enough feeling? Right.  So  there are so many other ways to talk to yourself so that you can get the behavior that you want. You can be the person who’s showing up and doing the things you want to do,  confident that you’re moving yourself towards where you want to go  without the language of I should be doing more. Right. So it kind of sounds like this instead of  you should be doing so much more, you should have applied for all those jobs today. What is wrong with you? Why can’t you get it together?  Why can’t you think about your future? Why can’t you do  a better job? Right. Like there’s that thought process that a lot of us have or have learned from our parents. And then there’s this thought process, which is the same,  which will get you a better result.  And it’s got the same intent, but it’s just more effective. So it sounds like this.  It goes. You  are going to be able to do a lot more when you feel better and you know you’re capable. Look at what you’ve already done.  look at the things you have done. So my client, for example, she had applied for a few jobs here and there.  She didn’t even bring those up because they were just completely gone from her brain because the should be doing more had taken over, right?  So  you want to remind yourself of what you’ve done,  what you’re capable of doing.  And the fact that feeling better is going to be what will lead you to the behavior that you want.  So and it doesn’t have to be like better doesn’t have to mean motivated  and euphoric and perfect. That doesn’t have to mean you feel perfect.  It can just mean you feel courageous, right? So you or you feel.  Committed, right, or you feel determined  like those feelings are better than feeling stressed, anxious  and. You know, bad about yourself, those are better, but they still don’t feel good. Courage doesn’t feel good. Determination doesn’t necessarily feel good, right?  It just feels. strong and sturdy in the right direction, but it doesn’t necessarily feel good. It’s not like I feel at peace  or  it’s not like I was going to feel at peace when I’m, you  running and I’m I have a goal of winning a race. I’m not going to feel at peace, but I’m going to feel determined or I’m going to feel courageous or I’m going to  empowered or I’m going to feel, you know, the feelings are going to be  not necessarily  the best feelings,  but they’re going to be the feelings that serve you in getting where you want to go.  So some of. way that you can talk to yourself to get where you want to go  in a more helpful manner might be, I know you can do better than that. Like I know you and I know that you’re capable of doing better than this.  I know that you’ve been through hard things in the past and I know that you’ve gotten yourself up.  I know that you’re capable. I know that you have it in you  and I want you to have this success in the end. I love you.  I want this for you so bad. I want this for us.  And because of that, we are going to figure out how to do this.  And if that means starting small, that means starting small. That means one action a day,  one simple thing a day. We’re going to figure it out. We’re going to get it done because  we really, really want this for ourselves.  And we don’t want to get to the point where we regret  not having done these things. This is for us. So you see how  You talk to yourself from the form of self love, but still kind of being, you know, not letting yourself off the hook. It’s not like saying,  oh, that’s OK. You don’t have to apply for any jobs today. Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal. It’s not that  it’s more of a sturdy self love kind of thing. Like, I love you. I want this for you. I know you can get it. Let’s let’s effing do it. Like, let’s get let’s get ourselves together and let’s do it. We know we can. We really want this. And picture how good it’s sweet, it’s going to feel when we when we do it, right?  How are we going to feel at the end of the day when we get those actions done?  Like that is sturdy self-love. It’s also not letting yourself off the hook completely. And it’s not beating yourself up or berating yourself. Right. So there’s different options of how you can talk to yourself.  And that’s really what I want to get across to people, because  the letting yourself off the hook  and saying, oh, that’s OK, you don’t have to worry about it. You’ll do it tomorrow.  That’s not effective either. And that’s not what I’m saying you should do.  I’m also not saying I’m also really against that. You should be doing better.  What’s wrong with you?  You’re so stupid. You’re so lazy. How how dare you let another day go by where you didn’t make any progress like  that isn’t helpful, even though we think it is.  But the sturdy self love version of all of that is the  we want more for ourselves. We know we can do better. We know what we’re capable of. I want to see what more you can be capable of when you really  set your mind to it.  This is going to be this might be difficult, but I know you can do it  like how would you want someone to talk to you as a as a child just developing? If you imagine your brain as a child  developing to do hard things, how would you want to be spoken to? And that’s the answer that comes to me is that’s how I want to be spoken to.  I want to be spoken to sturdily, not let off the hook, but with love. And I don’t even know that I would call it tough love. think I would just call it sturdy, sturdy, healthy self-love, you know?  And  so I just want to share there is other ways to talk to yourself.  You don’t have to braid yourself. You don’t have to let yourself off the hook. You do need to talk to yourself in a way that is going to get you the results. And  once you learn to do that, you will become the person who gets results repeatedly because you won’t feel burnt out  or you won’t feel traumatized by the experience. And I think that’s a good place for ending this podcast. Thank you so much for being here.  If you don’t know, I have an offer out called Offer Accepted.  It is the full breakdown of my entire job offer process.  So if you don’t know, recently  I got my own job offer  and I did it in less than 30 days. I was quietly job searching on the side  of my business.  And a lot of people think it’s not possible to do right. And I had been talking about it for a long time. I’d been standing on my soapbox thing. there are jobs, you can do this, it’s possible.  So I thought, well, I got the job for many reasons, but  one of the reasons was I really wanted to show people that they were wrong about that.  And that with the right mindset, with the right tools,  you are able to get a job. And it is not all  what the algorithm is telling you. Right.  You create your own algorithm  and you create your own thinking in your own internal world. And that is what actually creates a job offer or not.  So Getting back to it, offer accepted is  a deep dive where I recorded everything that happened in the interview. I wrote it down. I wrote what questions they asked me, what questions, what I answered,  what I wanted to say, what I wanted to get across and why some things that were not asked to me, but I had to find the opportunity to speak them anyway.  The questions I asked them, why I asked them, the timing of when I asked them  and the exact resume and cover letter that I used to get.  the interview in the first place, the process in which I submitted it,  all the actions I took to get me there, and everything you could want as far as an example of a successful job offer happening in 2026. So this happened in 2026,  which people are saying is the worst job market in years, it’s very impossible to get in.  And I’m just proving that wrong by not only applying everything I’ve taught.  but actually doing it myself and now sharing an example of exactly what that looks like.  If you would like to get your hands on that,  you can click the link below. If it is still available, there are some bonuses right now. There are only limited time that won’t be available forever. And you can click the link below to grab that.  As of today, it’s July 25th.  So I don’t know if this offer will be available indefinitely if you’re listening to this podcast,  but  the bonuses that I’m offering right now will be available until July 31st. So Check that out. It’s at a very affordable price. It’s only $97. I  made it accessible to everybody.  And uh people are telling me that they’re using it right now. They’re coming up with their own examples based on how I  structured it and how I’ve shown them how I answered. So the point is not to copy my answers. It’s to  get the concepts so that you can answer the questions for yourself in the most powerful way.  And with that, thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being here. And I will talk to you next week.