Hey there, I’m Natalie Fisher. I’m a six-figure business builder, a mom of a 2-year-old, the recover of a 10 year narcissistic relationship, and now in a super healthy one. And most of all, I’m a human who’s figuring this out with you. This podcast is about how to use your mind to thrive in your career.

 

Create the subconscious breakthroughs that you need to get there, the subconscious blocks that you don’t even know you have to achieving your highest levels of earning, and your best zone of genius moments and days in the flow. That is my goal for you. Let’s dive into the episode, and before we dive into today’s episode, I wanna remind you that I’m the coach who is always gonna point you back in the direction of your own wisdom.

 

And so before we get started, I wanna remind you, listen to your own wisdom first. This means listen to yourself first and me second, and anyone else, for that matter. Take what resonates and throw away what doesn’t. Unapologetically, I won’t be mad. I won’t be offended. In fact, I will be proud of you for doing so because I know from a lot of personal experience that.

 

Anything is only as effective as the amount of resonance that it has within your uniquely built brain. And something is only gonna work if it feels right to you, and if you believe in it or if you want to do the work to believe in it. And that’s what I’m here to help you do. Your inner wisdom is infinitely more valuable than mine when it comes to getting your outcomes and for what you are here to do on this planet.

 

So I’m here to help you steer that wisdom in the most powerful way possible. I’m so happy you’re here. I’m so glad you’re here. Part of this, I’m so glad we’re here on the planet at the same time. Let’s dive into today’s episode.

 

Hello. Welcome. Welcome back to the Get A Six Figure Job You Love and Thrive podcast. We’re gonna be focusing on the Thrive aspect of this podcast for the next few episodes, and that is because I have been coaching clients in their. Current positions. So many of my clients have landed their positions and many a time.

 

They will have next level challenges. Challenges that they didn’t expect that they didn’t see coming, wondering if the role is a good fit for them, wondering if they. Should stay or if they should go when questioning whether or not they made the right decision as to accepting the role. Even though the role can look great on paper, and it can be the salary that they wanted, and it could be everything that they wanted, but then.

 

They get into it and they realize that there, there’s some skills gaps as to how they can navigate this new job in a way where they can actually feel the way that they wanna feel every day. So this has kind of been a bit of a natural progression for me. I always wanted to coach on these things because I always kind of had the experiences and the, the.

 

The knowledge and the information to help people with this, but had been very focused on helping people land jobs. And while I still do that, and while you can still get into my get a six figure job, um, six figure curriculum coaching program where you will land the job, this is gonna be the focus of the podcast for the next few.

 

Episodes and we will see where it takes me from there. So the thing I wanted to talk about today was when you are in the job and maybe you are unable to enjoy your time off because you keep thinking about your job and you start mentally spiraling about work tasks and things you have to do, excuse me.

 

And feeling behind and just feeling like you have lots of work to do. This is one of the things I was coaching on this week. Um, maybe it’s you’re paralyzed by fear of what your boss is gonna say or what your coworker might say. Um, your relationship with your boss can really play a big part on your enjoyment at work and whether or not you succeed or not.

 

Your thoughts about your boss are a very important thing that you wanna manage in your brain, and then if you already have doubts about yourself and your own capability. And maybe your boss confirms those doubts, or maybe someone else does. And instead of you having your own back, you go into a spiral and start feeding into that self-doubt and negativity, and you start questioning yourself and your own competence and all that.

 

So that’s what I’ve been coaching on this week. So I wanted to share with you. Some things that might help you if you are in that situation or if you know anybody who is, who’s starting a new job or somebody who’s in their job and they’re struggling in their job. Okay? I don’t want people struggling in their job.

 

I want people feeling empowered to take on any situation. I want people feeling, feeling like they can figure anything out because I truly believe that to be the case even if you’ve never done it before. Even if you, you think you have no idea what you’re doing. There is always a way. To figure it out. So here’s what one of my clients was dealing with.

 

So she was, she was dealing with. Unpredictability of her boss. So some people might have bosses that are unpredictable. You don’t know if they’re gonna be in a good mood or a bad mood, or you don’t know what they’re gonna say. So that adds to kind of like, oh, I don’t know if I’m doing it right. Like if you’re already having thoughts about, am I doing this right, do like, have I considered everything I need to consider?

 

And if you’re already have like that. Fear and self-doubt and then you’re unsure of like what your boss is gonna say or how your boss might challenge you in a meeting or something that can lead to like you being on guard all the time and being stressed out. And so here’s what my client’s thoughts were.

 

She was thinking she didn’t know enough that she should know more, that she was behind, that it was her responsibility to make up for her skills gap and that she needed to work all weekend and study and. Memorize all the technical terms and everything that she needed to work harder and prepare more to avoid looking incompetent.

 

And she’s, she’s, she hadn’t been called out by, by her boss once already, um, on her confidence level. And so that was really weighing on her heavy. So those were the thoughts that were really causing her the problem. Right? Because what happens here is, is. If you are familiar with the model, I have lots of podcast episodes on the model.

 

You can go check those out. I also have a YouTube video on it. Um, is your circumstances current job, right? Your thought is, I don’t know enough, or I’m like, any of these thoughts wouldn’t be helpful, but. Here are some examples. I don’t know enough. I’m behind. I should be learning more, I should be learning faster.

 

I need to work harder, I need to prepare more. I can’t look incompetent. Um, all these kind of thoughts create the feeling of anxiety, uncertainty. They create the opposite of confidence for you, right? And then when you’re feeling anxious, when you’re feeling nervous, when you’re feeling like. You could be put on the spot at any moment.

 

Like your, your body is just in, in defensive mode or in guarded mode, right? And then from there, you have a hard time even using your expertise because. In my client’s case, she has a really good instinct. She has a lot of good information in her brain. She has the answers, like when she’s relaxed and we’re coaching, she has the answers.

 

She’s able to make really logical, really intelligent conclusions or responses. But when she’s in that moment, she’s feeling anxious. She freezes and she doesn’t know what to say and she’s not happy with how she responds. So it’s these thoughts that create that feeling of anxiousness and then the, the.

 

Action is freeze. Um, don’t give a good response. Don’t say anything. Appear un unconfident. Say a lot of ums and ahs when you’re speaking. Shake heart races. Then your result is that you don’t appear confident and you basically prove yourself true. That you don’t know enough. You prove yourself true, that you should be learning more.

 

You prove yourself true, that you should be learning faster, right? So it all becomes like this full circle moment where your thought ends up creating the results that you. C. So what she was trying to do to solve this was she was actually doing the action of overworking over, preparing, working extra hours on the weekends, creating extensive agendas over prepping.

 

Doing more than, more than was necessary. Right. And then what she was doing was comparing herself negatively to other coworkers. So she’d see someone else who did handle a situation with confidence and she would be like, oh, I should be doing that. I’m not doing that. Oh no. Like, and she would compare herself in a negative way, or she’d try to appear knowledgeable and confident when she really wasn’t.

 

So instead of telling the truth about what she was seeing, she would. Just pretend like she knew something that she didn’t, or pretend like she knew it and then go and frantically research it afterwards. Or she would avoid asking questions that she knew she needed to ask so that she wouldn’t look incompetent.

 

’cause she was really afraid of looking incompetent. ’cause she was afraid her boss was gonna call her out on that. Right? And she would accept criticism as valid. Even when it wasn’t valid. Right. Even when she had a point to say something that, you know, maybe they weren’t actually seeing, maybe ’cause she wasn’t able to point out the things she was doing right.

 

Because she was just very caught up in this spiral of, I need to do more. I’m not good enough, I’m not, I’m not performing the way that I should, I need to do. I need to work more hours. I need to study harder. I need to prepare more, right? And when we get caught up in this trap, it’s very hard to leave it because you don’t have a measure of what is enough, right?

 

And of course, there’s always gonna be more work to do. There’s always gonna be more requirements. Like there’s always gonna be more, right? So that’s why it’s so imperative that you learn to manage your mind so that you can have a reasonable expectation of yourself. You can meet that reasonable expectation of yourself, and then you can go home, right?

 

Because otherwise. You literally could work 24 7 and it still wouldn’t be enough because there’s no measure of what enough is, right? You haven’t made that decision. And if you’re in a workplace that has a lot of work to do, there will always be more work to do, right? So that doesn’t work. This whole, that whole way of of approaching a situation like that doesn’t work.

 

And here’s why. Because overcompensating creates more anxiety and eventually leads to burnout, right? So you say you, oh, you work. A whole day on the weekend and you work extra hours the next day, what happens there is you will end up. Um, training your brain to say, oh yeah, that was necessary, and next time I’m gonna have to do even more than that.

 

And like, you end up training yourself that that’s the way to deal with it, right? And that becomes your habit. And then that’s what, then that leads to eventual burnout because that’s not sustainable to work that many hours for that long and, and put all that brain power in and it’s not necessary. So it also doesn’t work because you’re incongruent with your own, like in this case, my client was being incongruent with her values.

 

Like she, she couldn’t know everything. She couldn’t have studied everything. Like it’s impossible, a ridiculous expectation for her to put on herself. And so if she’s trying to do that, she’s trying to meet an impossible standard, especially for where she’s at, like. She’ll never, she’ll never hit that.

 

Right? So she’ll constantly be telling herself that she’s failing, right? ’cause she’s setting herself impossible expectations to meet over and over and over again. Right? And there is another way, which I’m gonna share with you, um, what we coached on and how we actually can solve this so that you don’t have to actually work all these extra hours.

 

You don’t have to do all this extra stuff, and you can still be competent and capable in the role. So another reason this doesn’t work is because the fear of looking incompetent. Actually makes her appear less confident, right? So there are things she’s confident about, there are things she knows and there are things that she can like, that she could say, things that she could bring to the table that she’s not able to do because of her fear brain and that fact that it’s taken over, right?

 

So the fear of looking incompetent actually makes. You appear less confident. And then another reason why it doesn’t work is because when you’re not asking the questions that you need to ask, it prevents you from getting the information that you need, which prevents you from being confident at doing your job.

 

’cause how do you get confident at anything is you ask questions. That is one way in which you get the information you need, which makes you confident over time is asking questions. Right? And then another reason why it really wasn’t working is the self-criticism that she’s giving herself. Like she’s very much in the beating herself up mode thinking, I need to do more, I’m not doing enough.

 

And that really undermines her actual capabilities, which are really strong. And if we were to shift, which we did, and look at all the things that she has done that were really helpful, that people even told her were really helpful, even her boss had given her some positive feedback, then that would actually show a more accurate picture of where she can move from.

 

Instead of always being in the never enough, always having to do more. Space. Right? So the new solution, the new alternative that was introduced through coaching was a new way of thinking of this. So. The old way, the the way that isn’t helpful is I have to know everything. I have to have done it. I have to study it.

 

I have to be like a hundred percent prepared. I have to have it all mapped out. I have to know it all before anybody else asks me a question. If anyone asks me a question, I have to know the answer to that. And if I don’t, basically I failed. Right? If I don’t know the answer to a complex it question, I failed.

 

Right? Or, you know, if I don’t have the agenda perfectly mapped out, if I miss one thing on the agenda, if I do this, if I do, if I, if I do anything slightly wrong, I have failed. Right. That was her, that was the mentality. Moving, moving in, in from the beginning. Okay. And so the mindset shift for that is. I am capable of doing this job, even though I don’t know everything.

 

Right. Because here’s the truth. Even if you don’t know everything, you know more than you’re allowing yourself to see. Like even if she didn’t have the, like she had an agenda, but she wasn’t sure if that agenda was 100% right. You know, like if she had missed something or if maybe there was something else to add.

 

Right. But bringing the agenda, bringing the outline of that agenda. Brings value because it gives a starting point. And in her case, there were experts that she could lean on, she could ask, she could help ask for help to fill in the gaps that she was missing, right? So, but she thought she had to do it all herself, right?

 

So that’s the one mindset shift is if you don’t know something, you’ve, you’ve failed versus I’m capable of doing this job even though I don’t know everything, and I can lean on my people and my team to help me figure this out and fill in the blanks. In fact, that’s what I’m supposed to do. Okay, that’s one.

 

And then going from, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m learn like I don’t know what I’m doing. So this was one of the big things that she had in her head too. She’s like, I just don’t know what I’m doing and I’m embarrassed and I feel like I should know. Right? Instead of that going to, I’m learning and I’m asking the questions I need so that I can figure it out.

 

And that is, that is a growth mindset versus the first one is a fixed mindset, because I don’t know what I’m doing suggests that you, you just won’t ever know what you’re doing. You just don’t know. You just don’t know what you’re doing. And that’s it. Like, it’s a static statement. I don’t know what I’m doing right.

 

Versus I’m learning to figure out what I’m doing and I’m asking the right questions. Right? And you have the goal in mind and you, and you’re taking one step at a time to figure it out, right? That’s a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. And it’s crucial to put yourself in a growth mindset in situations where you don’t know what you’re doing, right?

 

Because yeah, it’s fine. You might not know what you’re doing. Like I’m like, I don’t know what I’m doing recording this podcast right now, but I’m following. I’m following some notes that I wrote and the things I wanna say, and I’m figuring it out as I go, right? And it’s unfiltered. It’s un, it’s unedited.

 

So I might make some mistakes here or there, right? Like people tell me that’s what they actually really like about this podcast. It’s, it’s not, it’s not polished and perfect, and I don’t edit out everything that is imperfect. So I’m learning and I’m asking the right questions as I go, and I’m figuring this out.

 

That is the mindset that will take you. To anything, it will get you to figure out anything. Right. If you, if you can really lean into that identity of I am somebody who figures things out. And once you start to see that, you’ll start to see all the reasons, all the ways that you have figured things out.

 

That you are somebody who has figured things out and that is the most beautiful light of thinking that you could have. Right. Versus I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m embarrassed, I should know what I’m doing. Right. Where does that leave you? Where do you go from there? You don’t really have many options.

 

You’re like, oh, I guess I’m an idiot then, because I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s like, no, it’s just a thought of, it’s fine if you don’t know what you’re doing, because most people don’t, and you’re gonna figure it out. Like, we all don’t know what we’re doing. Like none of us know what we’re doing here on the planet with our lives.

 

Like we, we are all figuring this out all the time. And then another big shift was. Having your own back. So people like especially unpredictable people in the workplace, they can say things to you that might trigger you, for lack of a better word, right? Like and if you are already feeling a certain way, if you’re already feeling a little bit self doubtful, or if you’re already feeling like you aren’t very confident around something and somebody tells you that, they say, yeah, you didn’t appear very confident in that meeting, and you’re already feeling that right.

 

Maybe you’re already feeling embarrassed about how you showed up, or, or you feel bad about what you said, or you feel like you should have done it way differently. If somebody comes and tells you that, it’s like they’re, they’re scratching an open wound, right? Like they’re, they’re opening up a wound that you already had there.

 

Right? And so instead of like allowing that to be a problem, you can say, yeah, I’m not, like, I, I didn’t sound confident and I do know that, and that’s because. That was my first time doing that, or something like that. Right, like giving, having your own back when you didn’t, when you didn’t, like, when you didn’t show up the way you wanted to show up and not making it mean anything about you being a bad person or you not doing it right, or maybe you should have preparing better or whatever was that you wanna tell yourself, which is the tendency to beat yourself up or.

 

You know, the negativity that we tend to wanna throw at ourselves is practicing having your own back. And that means talking to yourself like you would talk to your child or to your best friend. Or say your child went up there and they had to score the goal on the field and it was the last goal and they didn’t get it, what would you tell them?

 

Right? Like. Yeah, it would be a bummer and it wouldn’t, and, and you, it, you would like, you would feel for them, but would you tell them that they’re a terrible soccer player or that they’re just awful at that game and they should give up? Or would you just tell them? Yeah, that’s, that’s what happens when you’re out there on the field and you’re playing, you’re gonna miss shots.

 

And that is, that doesn’t mean anything other than the fact that you’re in, you’re out there and you’re playing and you’re gonna miss shots and you’re not gonna get everything perfectly. That’s part of the game, right? And it’s part of the game of life. It’s part of the game in the corporate world, it’s part of the game in any field that we’re playing on.

 

If you are out on the field, you are not gonna get every shot perfectly. So it’s like having your own back and knowing that, and maybe you would say something else different to your child, right? But it’s like being able to come from that place of compassion, that place of like, oh yeah, I feel you. That was hard, but here’s what we need to know about ourselves, and here’s what it doesn’t mean about you.

 

It doesn’t mean that you’re. Awful at meetings or that you’re awful at presenting or you’re awful. It, it just means that in that situation, you were having these thoughts or these feelings and it caused you to show up like this. Maybe somebody in the room set you off or you were nervous about what they were gonna think, like there’s a reason why you showed up that way.

 

Let’s look at it and let’s see how you can improve it next time. And also, let’s not make it mean anything. That, that makes, that makes it worse, right? Because we all have, we all have opportunities that we don’t capitalize, capitalize on, and maybe we wish we did. We all have things that we’ve done that maybe we wish we’d done differently and I.

 

I have a whole, uh, podcast episode on that is how to not regret, like how to regret proof your choices or something like that. But there’s no upside in regretting, there’s no upside in beating yourself up for past experiences, right? There’s only an upside in taking the learning and extracting the value outta those experiences, and that is the fastest way out of the feeling bad I find in my, in my perspective.

 

But. I mean, it doesn’t mean that we don’t feel bad, obviously. That’s okay. We can feel bad. We can process an emotion and we can get up and we can go again with new information. And then the next shift we had was that she was. Thinking pretty negatively about her boss. She was like, oh, my boss is really unpredictable.

 

She’ll say one thing or another thing and I don’t know what she’s gonna say, and one minute is this, and one minute it’s that. And it was kind of like commiserating with her coworkers around how she was, she was feeling about her boss and it was not a very. Helpful way to think about it, especially if the goal is to have a better relationship with your boss, better communication with your boss.

 

And even if we can’t change this person, because I’ve dealt with people who are like that, they’re unpredictable. You don’t know what’s gonna happen. You having your own back and you knowing. What’s realistic for you, knowing what you’re capable of, you changing your own internal narrative, that is enough.

 

You don’t need to change your boss. Okay, so take it from me. I lived in a narcissistic relationship for 10 years. He didn’t change one bit. I changed everything about how I thought and what I told myself, and that allowed me to have a completely different experience inside that relationship until I decided it was time to leave.

 

So. Finding, I found, um, finding genuine ways that she could see the positive in her boss, see how her boss was being helpful, and then not make the things that her boss was saying that were not helpful to her, not take them home with her and not make them mean that they were ultimate truth. Right. And just making very clear decisions about how she wanted to think about what her boss was saying.

 

And then the last one is. Accepting the learning curve, accepting that she has a learning curve, recognizing that she doesn’t know everything and that that’s normal and that it’s expected, especially she was, uh, hired into a role. She didn’t have any formal training and she didn’t have any formal experience.

 

She was hired into this role because. People there knew her. They knew her work ethic. They knew that she was a good person to work with, and so they hired her. And so she is just putting on so many like big expectations of herself that it’s driving her nuts. So knowing that like she’s setting on reasonable expectations for herself and that she can actually manage those internally and that she doesn’t have to.

 

Feel that pressure and we actually work together to dismantle, um, the thoughts that we’re creating. That, and she has able, has been able to breathe a lot more, been able to take the weekend off, been able to do things that she hadn’t been able to do before because of this, because of the work that we’ve been able to do so far.

 

So why this works better is because. It aligned more with already who she was, right? It aligned more with natural strengths. The fact that she already values honesty and she wanted to be able to ask the questions that she needed to ask. Um, it reduces the emotional charge around her boss’s behavior.

 

’cause her boss is gonna be who, who she is, and so. Reducing the emotional charge around exactly what is being said to you. So if someone says something to you, you don’t have to take that on as truth. You don’t have to take it on emotionally, you don’t have to carry it with you like a backpack. You can actually just have an internal narrative back that will counter it, that will free you from whatever it is they said.

 

So I’ll use an example of me and my ex. Um, he would often say that. He would often say things like, oh, well that’s a stupid idea. That’s dumb. Why did you do that? And in the beginning, I used to, I was very weak and meek and just, you know, a very naive person when I met him and I would. I would just think of him as this major authority figure and I would say, oh yeah, you’re right.

 

Oh, you’re so right. I’m so sorry. Like I shouldn’t have done it that way. You’re totally right. Like feed his ego, tell him he was, his idea’s the best, and tell him, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. And like, oh, you’re so smart. Anyway, so that’s what I would do in the beginning. And then at the end, he would still say the same things to me and instead, I had learned enough at that point where I would say.

 

I don’t think it actually was a dumb idea. I’m gonna try it that way, or that works for me better actually. Like, that’s what I would actually say to myself in my head. I wouldn’t necessarily say it out loud to him. Um, because he was very, he was, my parents used to call him like a snapping turtle ’cause he was so, he would just snap at you and be angry at you.

 

A lot. So I would just say that in my head, and then I would stay quiet and I would just go about doing it my way anyway. And I started to realize like, hey, you really do have smart ideas. Hey, actually there is no right or wrong way. His way is fine, but your way is fine too. Or you know you’re getting the result in the same way that you wanted, so you might as well do it in the way that you enjoy the best.

 

Like this is all the narratives that I was. Kind of programming to myself. So I know this is not like a boss situation, but I used to see him as an authority figure, and later I started seeing him as an equal, even though he didn’t see me as an equal. But I just decided, you know what? I’m not gonna take that on.

 

I’m gonna do what I think is best and that’s what I’m gonna do, and he’ll just have to deal with it. So that’s kind of what you can do if someone is coming at you. You can have a narrative within yourself that really shields you from whatever it is they say. So. If, um, for example, she was upset because her boss had said, you know, you didn’t show up very confidently in that meeting and she already knew that she had that experience, right?

 

So she was already feeling bad about it. And so I suggested to her ’cause she was like, yeah, I agreed. I already knew. And so to have her own back, I was suggesting that she say, yeah, I didn’t show up confidently in that meeting, but I showed up for the meeting and I said the things anyway. And I did it despite the fact that I was feeling, you know, anxious and I was shaking in my boots.

 

Did it anyway, and I’m freaking proud of myself for it and I. Have and I will get to work on the learning for the next time, how I can be more confident, right? It’s like you can tell yourself that narrative and you can have your own back while not being perfect because none of us are right. It’s like, yes, you can be imperfect and you can have your own back, and it can be, and it can, and you can come from strength, right?

 

Because that is how you’re gonna build strength. So instead of letting her boss’s words weaken her, she could simply agree. Because she’s not making it, making herself wrong and not making a bad thing and just be like, yes. I was not confident in that meeting. I agree with you, and here’s what I’m gonna do next.

 

So it creates psychological safety to be able to have your own back, because that means that no matter what anyone says at you, says to you or however anyone comes at you, you can have your own back. That’s always a choice you can have, and you create psychological safety for yourself and. When you do that, you’re, you’re, you allow yourself to ask questions more freely too.

 

Because if you ask a question, you’re afraid of looking stupid. It’s like, no matter what anyone says, you don’t have to feel stupid, right? Like, so this is one of the big things that I did too, is like, I’m willing to feel stupid. I’m willing to feel embarrassed in the name of getting the answers that I need, right?

 

And so once I started doing that more and more I realized like, I’m not actually gonna look stupid, right? Like. I mean, I’m, some people might think that I look stupid, right? But in the end, at the end of the day, I’m the one who gets the answer I need. I’m the one who gets to do my job. I’m the one who gets what I needed.

 

Yes, maybe someone thought I, I shouldn’t have asked that. Maybe someone thought I look stupid. But what I get to tell myself is I am willing to look stupid in order to get the answers so that I can look smart later. ’cause otherwise, I’d been in situations where. I had not asked the question, and time went on and more time went on and more time went on and they’re like, I needed to ask the question.

 

I needed to find out the answer. And the longer I waited, the long, the more stupid I was gonna look. So I just decided I’m gonna start asking the questions right away. And so willingness to look stupid now so that you can look smart later. And really, people just move on with their lives. They don’t, they don’t just point at you and say, that was a stupid question.

 

And if they did, you could say, yeah, well you know what? I’m willing to do stupid. I’m willing to ask the stupid question ’cause I needed the answer. Right. And that’s kind of what I went through with my ex too. Like I would wanna ask a question, but I knew he was gonna get really mad at me ’cause I knew he thought I should know it.

 

So I would just preface it with like, I know this frus, this question is gonna frustrate the hell outta you, but I need to ask you anyway ’cause I need the information. And then we would move on because I needed to ask it. I was just like, I’m just not willing to sit and be quiet. I’m just not willing to do that.

 

So it transforms your relationships with your, with your boss, with the people that you’re working with. And it sets an example, like she’s able to pave the way now for people who are sitting there quietly afraid to speak up, right? She’s able to set the example for, for those people so that they can then get the information that they need and.

 

And you end up like she, I can see her already being a mentor to a lot of the people in this workplace because of the way that the culture is, because of the way that she’s learning to navigate it, because of how she’s choosing to lead and how she’s choosing to manage her mind. And, you know, the, her willingness to get coaching is going to transform her possibilities and her opportunities in the future.

 

So why this gets better results, it reduces your own anxiety and you develop an internal stability. You will perform better at work, you will be more authentic. You will have your confidence back, and it’s not because you never had it. It’s because you, it took, it was taken over. It was overshadowed by fear, right?

 

The fear like swooped in and the fear was more powerful. Then your confidence. Your confidence was always there. Right. And, uh, there’s a, there’s a difference between confidence and self-confidence. Confidence is where you pull from something you’ve done before. Self-confidence is where you, um, where you have the confidence to figure something out you’ve never done before.

 

Right? And then you’re gonna improve your relationship with your boss, with your, with the people that you. Working with like your willingness to ask stupid questions, your willingness to laugh at yourself, your willingness to admit you don’t know what you’re doing all the time, your willingness to be in the job and be running a meeting in a capable manner, even when you don’t have all the answers that it’s going to connect people to you.

 

It’s gonna have people. Coming up to you, telling you that they admire you. Like that’s what was happening to her. Um, telling her that she did a really good job and that, that people were nervous for her, but she was able to step in and do it, and how, how impressive they were, they, how impressed they were with her.

 

And it’s gonna make you. More efficient through willingness to ask the questions, right? It’ll make you more efficient ’cause you’ll get the information faster. You’ll be working like you once if you don’t have to think back and forth about something a bunch of times and you can just get the information you need.

 

That speeds up your time, right? That speeds up your results and then it a greater career satisfaction and growth and just the confidence that you can navigate. Waters in the professional setting that are not smooth all the time. Right? And then you model healthy behavior for those around you. So the real problem here wasn’t ever the competence level.

 

Like you are competent to be in the role. You have capability you, you are capable, okay? But the you’re capability. It does get overshadowed by fear and anxiety when you don’t know how to manage your mind. So it was the internal narrative that was really eating away at her, which was the, I should, I should know more, I should do this, I should have done this, I should do this, I should do this.

 

And that was really eating away at her. Right? And instead of that, we wanna have an approach that is, is not gonna make you feel like crap. Right. Because that just makes you feel like crap. Like it’s the I shoulding people say, you should on yourself. You should on yourself. It’s like, it’s never helpful because it’s like what ends up happening is you, you should on yourself a whole bunch and you could should on yourself till the cows come home, and then you don’t actually do all the shoulds because they’re.

 

The list is way too long, and then you feel bad, and then it’s just like an endless cycle. You end up should again and should again. And then it’s like you never catch up. You never do what you say. You never end up doing everything you should do. So the answer is actually taking off the shoulds from your list is like removing them all together and creating a healthier narrative so that the shoulds don’t exist there anymore.

 

They’re not there because they were never needed to be there. They were all self-imposed and not all the time, there’s exceptions to the rules. So if your boss has actually said, you know, this is a requirement that’s different. But, um, in the case of my clients, a lot of the times I’m finding out these are things that they have self-imposed on themselves.

 

So we want to combine a, um. Having your own back approach to managing your own mind, to deciding clearly on your own narratives on your side. So one of my mentors is like, you gotta clean up your side of the street and you know, the other side of the street is gonna be there. It’s not gonna change, but.

 

Your side needs to be clean so that you can handle everything that comes your way. And that’s what I have for you, my friends. So in the next episode, I’m gonna be sharing some other things I’ve been coaching on as far as, uh, workplace, uh, successes go, and being able to, to change the way that you’re feeling at work, changing the way that you’re experiencing everything and changing the way that, that you show up.

 

So you can change the way that others respond to you. Alright, well thank you so much for listening and I’m so glad to be back on the podcast and I will talk to you next time. And here’s the biggest blind spot I see with the pe. The people that I work with often, they will think they know their value, they will think that they are presenting their value accurately and smartly.

 

However, there are things they can’t see, which is why the results they’re getting. Don’t reflect that. So you can’t reflect your value accurately outwardly if you don’t know what it is internally. And so I’ve developed quite a few different ways to do that. And the first place to start is by doing an assessment of how accurately you know your own value.

 

So with that said, you can go to the link in the show notes and download the value vision quiz. All you have to do is. Score yourself. Um, there’s 14 questions. It’ll probably take over than five minutes to do the quiz. You add up your points at the end and you give yourself a score. And when you get your score, you’ll be given a step by step of what to do next for where you are.

 

You’ll know exactly whether or not you’re valuing yourself accurately or not, and what to do next. And you can get that quiz right away. You can download it immediately and get your results within the next few minutes, and then email me and let me know what they were, and if it makes sense. If you feel like you would love some extra support with this, and you really want to uplevel the way that you value yourself and the way that you show up in the world and the way that you instruct others to value yourself, then book a co a complimentary consult with me and let’s see if we can make some magic happen.