Hello and welcome to the Get a Six-Figure Job You Love and Thrive podcast. This is Natalie Fisher. This is episode 238, How to Look at Rejections in a Brand New Way. Stay tuned.

Hey there, I’m Natalie Fisher. I’m a six-figure business builder, a mom of a two-year-old, the recover of a 10-year narcissistic relationship, and now in a super healthy one. And most of all, I’m a human who’s figuring this out with you. This podcast is about how to use your mind to thrive in your career and create the subconscious breakthroughs that you need to get there. The subconscious blocks that you don’t even know you have to achieving your highest levels of earning and your best zone of genius moments and days in the flow. That is my goal for you. Let’s dive into the episode.

And before we dive into today’s episode, I want to remind you that I’m the coach who is always going to point you back in the direction of your own wisdom. And so before we get started, I want to remind you, listen to your own wisdom first. This means listen to yourself first and me second and anyone else for that matter. Take what resonates and throw away what doesn’t unapologetically. I won’t be mad. I won’t be offended. In fact, I will be proud of you for doing so because I know from a lot of personal experience that anything is only as effective as the amount of resonance that it has within your uniquely built brain. And something is only going to work if it feels right to you. And if you believe in it, or if you want to do the work to believe in it. And that’s what I’m here to help you do.

Your inner wisdom is infinitely more valuable than mine when it comes to getting your outcomes and for what you are here to do on this planet. So I’m here to help you steer that wisdom in the most powerful way possible. I’m so happy you’re here. I’m so glad you’re here part of this. I’m so glad we’re here on the planet at the same time. Let’s dive into today’s episode.

Hello, hello. So I was just on a call with a client and we kind of both had a breakthrough. So she was telling me how she had been in this process. And I know a lot of you can probably relate to this. You’ve been in a process for hiring for a long time, like, and the process seems to be moving forward. Great.

It seems to you’re moving to the next round, everything’s going well. And then what happened to her was they were this close to making the offer, and with my fingers, my two fingers, I’m putting them really close together. I’m saying this close to making the offer to the point where she was expecting this offer to come through.And at the last minute, they said to her, the company’s actually doing layoffs now and that position has been made redundant. The position was made redundant before she even got it. Yet, she had gone through five months of interviewing or whatever it was.

I don’t think it was actually five months, but it was a process, right, that she’d gone through. She’d invested time, energy. She had done a project, and they said that it was the best project that they had ever seen, and they were excited to hire her. And then at the last minute, they pull the plug. And they’re like, sorry, actually, we’re now doing layoffs. And your position that we were going to hire you for is redundant.

So, sorry. And anyway, so that was what happened to her. And I know that that’s happened to many people for different, with the circumstances being slightly different, or whatnot, that has happened to many people. And she said, but this hasn’t just happened once. It’s actually happened twice. I went through, I was in final rounds, and then they pulled the plug. And for another reason, they said, actually, we’re not hiring. This has happened. The company’s being bought, or some other reason, you’re not getting this job.

But it looked like everything was going really, really well. So, I jump in, of course, with my metaphor about how it’s like when you’re dating someone, and everything seems like it’s going really well. And like, it’s going great. And you’re having a great time together. And you’re expecting, you know, in your mind, you’re like, oh, yeah, this is going somewhere. You know, this is progressing. This is going to turn into a relationship. This could be the one, you know. And then the person either does or says something that totally makes you, it makes your body be like, oh, that’s not right.

They say the one thing that, you know, totally turns you off. Or they just ghost you out of nowhere. Even though, you know, there was no indicator of that happening before. And so, I was thinking about it in this way. Because I was like, yes, I have attracted my share of unavailable men before. And they haven’t worked out.

But then when it came to me attracting the right person, there was never any question that that was going to work out, right? It was always green flag after green flag. But then it also led to exactly what I thought it was going to lead to, which was the blissful relationship that I have now. However, if I had made those previous relationships with unavailable men mean that I couldn’t have the relationship I wanted, or I couldn’t make it past all the stages to get to the relationship that I wanted, then I would have been less likely to show up for the relationship that I wanted when it was available for me, right? Or when it was time for me to have it.

So, there were two ways to look at this for my client. So, the way that the default way, the way that most people’s brains will look at it, because I’ve coached a lot of people. So, they’ll say, I’m feeling really disappointed. I’m feeling really angry about it. I’m feeling like they’ll have the normal feelings, right? And so, the first thing I told my client was, you need to have compassion for yourself, because that is a disappointment that you’re going to feel on a very visceral level. And that’s very normal.

And anybody in that situation would obviously feel that disappointment. So, first of all, you have to let yourself feel it. And she was kind of like, well, I couldn’t because I was kind of in panic mode at the time. And I had to go find another opportunity because I needed to, you know, survive. And so, I was more in panic and survival mode, and I had to go figure it out. And so, I was like, okay, but now you can do that.

Now you can give yourself that compassion, and you can just release that from your body of, you know, hanging on to that, like that she did something wrong, or that she wasn’t wanted. Because ultimately, that’s the default thought is, I did something wrong. I wasn’t wanted. Even though intellectually, you know, that wasn’t the case, right? That can definitely happen. So, if that’s you, you can say, that wasn’t my fault. And I know that that wasn’t anything I could have done.

Because I even asked her, I’m like, would you do anything differently? And she said, no, I wouldn’t have actually done anything differently, right? So, I was like, that’s good to know, right? And that’s a question I would urge you to ask yourself when you have a situation like that. Would you have done anything differently? If the answer is yes, simply take note of that and be like, okay, great. I’m glad I’m aware of what I will do differently next time and move forward with that information.

So, okay, to recap, the circumstance that happens is, you say you have two job opportunities that you feel like are going to go through, one after another, and then they don’t, and you have these big letdowns, right? But you made it to the final processes, you got great feedback, you were going to get hired, but then something happened, right? And so, either they did layoffs or whatever, or they got bought out, and they changed everything, leadership changed, whatever. Those companies were the unavailable men or women, the emotionally unavailable men or women, because one, they did not know what they wanted. They were super disorganized behind the scenes.

Who’s hiring and doing layoffs in the same week? Who’s eliminating positions and overhauling all these people’s lives in the same week, right? Like, first of all, they’re laying a bunch of people off, so they’re affecting people in that way. And then they’re also taking the steps to hire someone and then pulling the plug. Like, there ever was, that’s the equivalent of an emotionally unavailable person, right? The emotionally unavailable person, they are avoiding the problems, they don’t want to look at them, they don’t want to talk, they don’t want to be set off.

That’s what the company was doing, right? They were avoiding the problems they were having, they weren’t organized, they weren’t looking at the future, they didn’t have a clear plan for what they were doing, they were all over the place, right? So, if you attracted an unavailable person when you’re dating, an emotionally unavailable person when you’re dating, you can either say to yourself, oh, I did something wrong, I should have done better, I should have not forced him to talk about his feelings, I should have left him alone, or you could say, well, that person’s not for me because I need someone who can communicate effectively. So, with the company, you could tell yourself, oh, I should have interviewed better, or I should have done this, or I should have done that, I’m ashamed I didn’t get that job, oh, that leaves me in a really bad spot, or you could say, yes, that sucks, I understand, I’m disappointed, of course, but that company was a hot mess, and they didn’t know what they were doing, they were disorganized, and I need to work for somebody who knows what they’re doing, who’s planning for the future, who knows what their accounts are looking like, who can afford to pay people, who have reserves, who have planned, who are proactive, who have positive cash flow, who have a good, you know, standing in the market, who are looking forward, those are the kind of companies I’m attracting, those are the companies I want to work for, right? Just like people you’re dating, you got to focus on what you want. So, step one, yes, you’re going to grieve and feel disappointed, and as my heartbreak coach told me, she’s like, just let your heart break, just let yourself fall apart, that’s the natural part of the process, allow that to happen, and then you can choose how you’re going to look at it.

So, you have to choose intentionally how you’re going to look at the situation, okay? But you can’t do that until you’ve felt the feelings of the grief, right? If you’ve lost something that you really thought you were going to get, you got really excited about it, and then it didn’t work out, you’re a human being, you’re going to have feelings of loss, of grief, of that sucked, I’m disappointed. The important part is, is that you separate out your feelings of disappointment and all that crappy feelings with the fact that you are not now unworthy, it doesn’t mean anything about you being able to complete what you want in the future, being able to get what you want in the future, it means nothing about that, it just means that particular person, that particular organization was not for you, right? And that’s okay. You can choose to believe that now that means I’m never going to get it, or that means it’s going to be really hard, or that means that this is going to suck, or you can make it mean that means that I’m going to be in the front running for the next position, for the next company that’s looking for somebody like me, I’m going to be the obvious top candidate for them, and because I was the obvious top candidate here, that means I’m going to continue to be the top candidate, and the right company is going to be no problems.

With the right company, they’re going to be green flag after green flag, and they’re going to follow through with what they say they’re going to do, because they’re going to be organized, they’re going to be on top of things, they’re going to do what they say they’re going to do, just like the person you want them to do what they say they’re going to do, right? And it’s a red flag if they say one thing, and then they do another thing, right? If their actions and their behaviors don’t match up at any point, that’s a problem. And a lot of the times we will overlook these things, but it’s exactly the same thing. An emotionally unavailable person and a disorganized company who pulls the plug on hiring at the last minute are just the same, right? And we want to avoid both of them.

If we’re in a healthy space where we know what we’re looking for, and we know what we want, it won’t be difficult to understand that intellectually, then feel it, allow yourself to be human, have compassion for yourself for having the disappointment, but then knowing that you get to choose very intentionally how you want to look at this moving forward. So do you want to look at it as, oh, this means I’m not going to have a chance. This means I’m, it’s going to be really hard. This means I may never get the job I want, or you make it mean I was the top candidate for a reason. They were going to hire me for a reason. They didn’t, that’s on them.

I’m going to be the top candidate at the next place. So yes, I can be disappointed. I can grieve, but I’m still in it. And I’m actually in a better position than I was before, because now I have the confidence to look back and see, oh, I got through that entire process. That’s because I am the top candidate. That’s because I am somebody that people want. So those are your two options. Well, you have unlimited options of how you look at something, but you ultimately have to intentionally choose. Okay.

And I also want to mention that when you are feeling unsafe, like say, if you’re in a situation where you feel financially unsafe, or you feel like your survival is threatened, your nervous system is on edge. It is unregulated. It is not feeling comfortable. And you are in basically that fight or flight mode. And when that happens, you are not going to be very open or able to take on new thoughts, new perspectives, new things, because your body and your nervous system are just unregulated. So you’re not feeling safe.

So it’s not going to be possible to do that. So the first thing you’re going to need to do is regulate your nervous system. And so I’ll give you one little thing that you can do here on this podcast.

In my group program, the Six Figure Curriculum, I have a whole module on creating safety in your nervous system first, right? And that all goes along with releasing needy, desperate energy, all that, because you have to have safety in your body before you can actually show up at your very best. And so one thing you can do right now is take your hands together, and touch one hand with the other hand, like just touch, touch your hands together, and feel your fingers. And what this does is it shows you that you are safe enough to be able to touch your own hands together and focus on touching your own hands together, and that you are not in a life-threatening situation, okay? You are in a safe place where you even have the time, the capacity, the ability to do that, okay? And so a lot of the exercises that I have inside my program are body-related.

So there’s different things that you can do to settle down your nervous system and to regulate yourself, because at that point, you’re gonna be much more open and much more ready to hear new thoughts. So that’s why it’s really crucial to have different tools for coaching, because just new thoughts will not always do it. A lot of the times, they will.

So just hearing a new thought that you hadn’t heard before, a new perspective that’s totally fresh, that you hadn’t thought of it that way before, but totally perks you up and you think, oh, yeah, that’s a way better way of thinking of it, of course, that’s how I’m gonna think about it now on, that feels much better and I can get on board with it. But sometimes, if you are in that state of anxiety, the new thoughts will not do anything, right? The new thoughts will not create any different feeling for you, because your body is just like, I’m unsafe, I’m unsafe, I’m unsafe. Like, I’m under attack, I’m under attack, right? Even though intellectually, you can look around you and you can see that that’s true, or that’s not true.

You could even say, you know, I’m safe right now, I’m in a place right now, I’m okay right now. That does help settling your nervous system as well, when you can look around and just say, take a deep breath and say, I’m in that space. I’m in a space right now where I’m not in physical danger, I’m okay.

I have everything I need right now in this moment, right? You can definitely do those things. But just wanted to add that tidbit in because I feel like that’s not something I’ve shared before. I didn’t really have the words to share it, but now I’m seeing that we need to do some nervous system regulation for some people who are just very much in their anxiety, because maybe something just happened, or maybe they’re in that situation.

So, that’s what I have for you today. How to look at rejections in a completely new way. So, the new way, so if you choose to accept it, is they were disorganized, they were emotionally unavailable, right? And it wasn’t them that rejected you, it was, I believe, it was something in your energy that rejected them, because on some level, you knew that that wasn’t the right place for you.

And I bet you that if you look back, you’ll see some reasons why it wasn’t. You might think, oh, the role wasn’t exactly the perfect fit, but I kind of talked myself into it. You might think, oh, you know what, there was that thing that that one person said that didn’t feel right, but you ignored it.

Like, I bet you, if you go back and look, there are red flags that you ignored, that you just bypassed, because you were so excited about the opportunity, about maybe finally your job hunt being over, about getting out of the situation you’re in. You overlooked some red flags that were present, but that you didn’t see them. And if that is the case, then I can tell you that you energetically have the ability to reject things that are not for you, for your own good, even though you might not know that that’s the case.

And you also have the full ability and choice to believe that something even better is coming. One of my favorite sayings is, this or something better, this or something better, right? Because that releases the attachment to this, releases attachment to what’s in front of you, but it also opens up space for only something better, right? What most people will do is they will just automatically think they have to settle for worse or less or nothing after something doesn’t work out, instead of thinking this or something better. That’s an option. That’s always an option. This or something better. So I encourage you to take that thought along with you as well.

I really hope that this was helpful. Some of the best feedback I get are from the podcast episodes that I just jump on and record with no real rehearsal. And some of them aren’t so good, but you know, I’m an advocate for imperfect work. Otherwise I don’t think anything would ever get out. So I encourage you to not overthink. If you’re inspired to do something, go do it. You can’t mess it up. You can’t mess it up with the right person. You can’t mess it up with the right company.

And if something doesn’t seem it’s for you, if something you really thought was for you doesn’t come through, it’s because there’s something better coming. Okay. You heard it from me. All right. I will talk to y’all next week.

Hey there. Thanks for listening. If you’re new here, I’m Natalie Fisher. And if you want to take this work even deeper than the podcast, where I help you apply it and I help you dig into your own personal situation, you have two ways to do that.

The first is in my signature program, the six figure curriculum, where we go through everything you need. And I personally help you weekly to land that six figure premium role. If you want to take the work on the podcast deeper, the links for those are in the show notes below. To go right away, you can go to www.nataliefisher.ca forward slash start.