Ep #24: Saying No to What You Don’t Want, So You Can Say Yes to What’s Possible

Saying No to What You Don’t Want, So You Can Say Yes to What’s Possible
 

A post I made recently blew up on LinkedIn where I discussed my experience of being in a 10-year relationship with somebody who was no longer a good fit for me, and who I definitely would not choose as a partner now. I tolerated things that made me feel lousy and undervalued, and there are a lot of similarities between my situation in that relationship, and the experiences faced by many of my clients with their jobs.

 

So many people tolerate dismissive behavior at work and just settle. They may be refused a raise that they deserve, or not receive the credit they’re due after working their ass off for years! But they tell themselves ‘the health insurance is good’, or ‘it’s the best I can do right now’, or worse – ‘nobody else will hire me’. There comes a time when it’s essential to face reality and accept that this is not good enough.

 

Join me this week as I divulge why so many people become stuck in toxic, negative situations at work and how to stop settling for less than you deserve. I’m showing you how to become the person who is ready to attract something amazing into your life, and why believing you are worthy and that there is something better out there for you will help you land your dream job and change your life!

 

If you’re ready for 2021 to be the year you make the change, I’ve got you! In just three months, I can help you develop the mindset of a $100K earner, naturally attract the roles you want, and create your own opportunities that will have the right organization feeling lucky to have you interviewing as a candidate! Get in touch today, I’m so excited to help you land your dream job!

 

If you love listening to this podcast and you’ve always wanted to coach with me, now is your chance. I am offering a few limited spots for free coaching sessions, and it’s going to cost you one iTunes review.
 

Pretty good deal, right? All you have to do is submit your iTunes review. Make sure you click the star rating and leave a written review. Take a screenshot of your submitted review and send me an email. I will send you a link to book your free coaching session.  So I can’t wait to see your reviews coming in and I can’t wait to coach you. 

 

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

 

  • How to recognize when you’re settling for something below your worth.
  • Why you should be valued in your role.
  • How your beliefs might be holding you back.
  • Why what you want is 100% available to you.
  • How your beliefs might be blocking you from getting a better job.
  • The importance of self-compassion in doing this work.
  • Why you are stuck in the place you’ve been stuck in.

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

 

Full Episode Transcript:

 

DOWNLOAD  TRANSCRIPT

 

Hey there, welcome to the Get a 6-Figure Job You Love podcast. I’m your host Natalie Fisher. I’m a certified career mindset coach who also happens to want to skip all the BS and get to what it really takes to create real results for you in your career. On this podcast you will create real mindset shifts that will lead to big results and big changes in your career and your income. No fluff here. If you want to get a 6-figure job you love and create real concrete results in your industry and make a real impact you’re in the right place. Are you ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to the Get a 6-Figure Job You Love podcast. This is episode 24, saying no to what you actually don’t want so that you can say yes to what’s really possible. Hey there. Welcome to the Get a 6-Figure Job You Love podcast. I’m your host, Natalie Fisher. I’m a certified career mindset coach who also happens to want to skip all the BS and get to what it really takes to create real results for you and your career. On this podcast, you will create real mindset shifts that will lead to big results and big changes in your career and your income. No fluff here. If you want to get a six-figure job you love and create real concrete results in your industry and make a real impact. You’re in the right place. Are you ready? Let’s go. Hello. Hello. Thank you for tuning in to the podcast. If you are new, welcome, it’s lovely to have you, and thank you for all the reviews that have been coming in lately.

I’ve been having some really great free coaching sessions with the people leaving the reviews for me, you’ll get an offer for that at the end, and they’ve just been really insightful and I’m going to be sharing some of those in the future on the podcast as well. But for today, what inspired this episode was a LinkedIn post that I made that blew up on LinkedIn. And if you’re not following me on LinkedIn, you really need to get over there and send me a connection request. We’ll put the link in the show notes. But basically, I had a lot of realizations that paralleled to what I’m helping my clients achieve and something that I went through this year. So with the job hunt and with getting promoted and with advocating for myself for more money, like in the corporate world, that was never an issue for me.

It was always something that kind of came naturally. Interviewing was always really fun. I always thought of myself in a really positive way. And so that’s something that I’ve been able to do. But when it came to my personal life, I was doing everything I tell my clients not to do and tolerating it, right? So there’s so many parallels and I’m going to get into them on this episode. But first I’ll read you the LinkedIn post that kind of sparked it and you may have already read it and left a comment. And I got a lot of really lovely comments, but basically this is what inspired it. So it said, “I settled for a long time, not in my job, but in my relationship, in my career, I always had a lot of self regard when it came to how awesome I was at my job and the companies that I worked for, my compensation always matched it. And I could always get hired, never a problem, but in my personal life, it was a mess.

So in February of this year, I left my ten-year relationship. I was with a man who treated basically like crap for 10 years. It was no physical abuse, but emotional neglect. Being told my feelings did not matter, silent treatment for days if he didn’t like something, there were a lot of good things too. But at the time I kind of think back now, now that I’ve been out of it for several months. And I think so what if you made me breakfast? You also called me dumb and put me down regularly. So those things kind of cancel out. Right? I kept saying to myself, it’s okay, I’m going to take care of myself, making excuses for him, he’s hurt. He can’t meet me where I’m at right now. I don’t need him to care or approve of me. It’s okay.” Or I’d avoid it.

But deep down, I knew that this just sucked. And then I tied it in with how this happens in our workplaces, right? Because I know that many people are tolerating similar behavior at work and it just shows up differently. So being dismissed, they won’t give you the raise you know you deserve, even though you’ve asked for it, they don’t give you the credit that you deserve, even though you’ve been working your ass off for years, but they maybe gave you a gift card at Christmas for a Starbucks. So then you’re like, “Okay, well they’re trying, that feels better. That’s nice.” Right? But who cares if you’re not really valued? And you know that deep down, right? So what excuses are you making?

They might look like, “Oh, but the health insurance is good.” Or, “Oh, but this is secure. This is the best I can do right now.” Or, “I’ve tried everything.” It’s just how it is, right? And kind of the same in my relationship too. I’d be like, “Yeah, I’ve tried everything.” And I kept trying and I kept trying, right? I was very committed for 10 years. So you might be in that same position too, but then there comes a point where you need to face reality and be like, this is not good enough for me. If you’re putting in a lot more than you’re receiving and that’s happening consistently, like I have had some clients who have had some bosses who’ve really had unstable, weird behavior, right? So one of my clients, her boss would ask her to do something and then she’d show up with this work done in the meeting. Then her boss would be like, “What did you do that for? That’s not what I asked you to do.” And my client was like, “Yeah, it is.”

She was often sent off in all these directions. And anyways, she was beating herself up over that thinking, “Oh, did I miss something? Should I have done something differently?” Not realizing that her boss was having her own issues, right? But meanwhile, this was blocking my client from really showing up with her true value that she could be bringing to move things productively forward for an organization that really valued her, right? So if you are done with that, and sometimes it takes us a while to really get it and I’m one to talk, right? It took me 10 years and I was feeling kind of embarrassed about that. I’m like, “Yeah, why did I stay for 10 years after I did all of these things? Right?

And I really felt at the end that I had shown up exactly how I wanted to. I had been the best person I could possibly have been in that relationship. And in the end I was like, “No, this is me saying that I am deciding to end this.” And that is what I want. And that is what I should’ve done a long time ago, but I am now certain, this is the right decision, right? So if any of this is resonating with you and you’re kind of experiencing this in your job or in your relationship, I don’t know where you’re at, but hopefully in your job, not in your relationship, there’s a few things that have to happen in order for you to move into an amazing, better situation down the line. Right? And this is life changing, right? Because when you can change a situation like this, it gives you so much confidence to be able to change anything that you want in your life. Right?

So going through this relationship experience and to where I am now, which is, I went through time by myself, learn to really reconnect with myself. But anyway, so I worked through that stuff that helped me to see, “Okay, I left, why did I stay there for 10 years? What was it that made me devalue myself so much where I ended up with somebody who was treating me so badly and I was still there tolerating that, why did I do that for so long?” So that was uncovering a layer of that. And then reconnecting with myself and then becoming the person who was ready to attract something amazing into my life, right? So ultimately I was like, “I want a new relationship. I want it to be amazing though.” And I needed to become the person who rose to that level to attract an amazing man into my life. Not someone, again, who was going to treat me badly.

And of course now I think if I met the man that I was with, again, right now we would not have anything to talk about. And pretty quickly I would be like, “Yeah, not this guy.” Right? But at the time I didn’t know, right? I didn’t know what I didn’t know. So now, as speaking to my past self, being like, “Okay, that was you in the past. That’s okay.” Right? You learned. And there was a lot of self-compassion on the journey and that whole thing. But when it comes to your job, you need to realize if you’ve been in it situation for a long time, that you’re unhappy with that you know doesn’t correspond with your level of value and with who you are, then you need to ask yourself, why am I here?

And normally when that’s uncovered, because I’ve worked a lot of clients through this, it’s because you don’t believe that you really are worthy of what you want. So it’s going to come up like, I don’t really know if anybody else will hire me for whatever reason because the pandemic or because I don’t have enough experience or any number of reasons that you might have that are blocking you from believing that an amazing position is available for you, that will value you, accept you and pay you what you want for the reasons that you have because you’re thinking about yourself in a certain way, that blocks you from that. So that’s one of the reasons that’s uncovered, or you might think that it’s an external reason, right? You might think they won’t hire me because I don’t have this or that or the other.

It’s not my fault. You might think, “I know I’m good at my job, but I just know they won’t hire me because it’s just not how it works.” Right? You might have a belief like that. Right? And just noticing all of these beliefs that you have are going to show you exactly why you’re in the position that you are now and why you’ve accepted that for so long. So for me, and my relationship, it was things like, I didn’t believe there was anybody else for me that would accept me and love me how I was. I’m like, “No, he’s the only one.” It’s kind of subconsciously and now that sounds ridiculous now how far I am. It sounds silly. But at the time I did think that, and he would reinforce it. He would say things like, “Oh, you’re never going to find someone like me who will do this and this and this.” Right? I believed him.

So therefore it was true to me, but of course it’s not, right? So if you are in a job right now and you have some of these beliefs, that’s what’s going to stop you from leaving. Because let me ask you this, if you believed right now that there is an ideal organization that will value you, your ideas, your brain, your thinking, your unique set of experiences and skills and everything you bring to the table, your hardworking nature, unique characteristics, and that you could present your value in a way where they would be like, where have you been? We have been looking for you. Yes, of course you’re hired. If you believed that, there’s no way you’d be where you are still. But the work is in between, right? It’s going from not believing and having these thoughts about yourself to believing that’s possible it exists and that you can get there.

And that work is hard to do, right? Because you can’t just jump from being in this one place for a long time and thinking it’s secure to being like, “No problem. I can go get something better.” Because if that were true, if you believe that already, then you would already be doing it. So there’s clear reasons why you’re not so the first thing is to uncover those reasons and to really discover why have you been there for so long? Why have you been working for less than you know? Less credit, less money, not getting the treatment that you deserve, right? Even if you’ve been speaking up, why have you allowed this and taking that responsibility too. And that’s a hard pill to swallow for some people, it was definitely hard for me because I was like, “Okay. So I’ve been with somebody who I would call a narcissist for 10 years.”

What was it about me that made me match up to him? And it turns out that there was a very clear pattern and looking back, I was like, “Of course, I matched up to him.” And I had to become a different person in order to be able to have the courage and the strength to leave and believe that there was something better for me. So I can kind of record this now and talk about this now, knowing that there was something better for me because I found it. So I’m three months in to an amazing new relationship. And I’ll call it a false start because I was dating before. And I thought that I had met someone amazing and he showed me a red flag and I left.

I said, “No, I’m not in for that.” It was very difficult because I was pretty invested at that point. But I had to, because I was like, “I’m not going to end up in another situation where I’m not getting what I need.” I’m just not going to do that. So again, that was hard. But now I’m so clear and so confident. And I can say that if I hadn’t had done all that work, that I wouldn’t have ever discovered this. So for those of you who are in a job right now that you are basically settling for less and you know it in whatever way, you have to look into the future and believe 100% that exactly what you want is available. So some of us are in different situations. Like maybe, you’re in a job and you don’t want to leave because that would be hard, right?

Or you don’t want to go all in on looking for something else or you’re not super committed. And the reason is because you don’t fully believe it yet, because if you did, you’d be there or you’d be close. And then some of us have the challenge forced upon us where we’re let go of the job. Therefore, we need to go find another one. And that’s when we’re faced with the challenge of, “Am I going to settle for something that I know is less than what I deserve? It’s not really me. I’m not really excited about it.” Or are we going to do the work to become the person that matches up with the role that we really want? Right? And there’s work that’s done in between there, right? And that is what I help my clients to do.

So I hope I’ve described it pretty clearly, but there’s always going to be the reasons why you settle for less. So the three ingredients that you’re going to need in order to change this are, you’re going to have to realize the reality of your current situation and stop making excuses for it. So realizing that your ideal doesn’t match your reality, then you’re going to have to believe that the better option is available and that it exists. And then you’re going to have to be willing to believe that you are capable fully of matching up to that opportunity that you really want. And you deep down believe you deserve, but you know that you need to do some work in order to get there. And those are the three ingredients that are going to be needed. But the biggest question I want you to ask yourself is why are you still there?

Why are you in the position that you are now? And the answer cannot be somebody else’s fault. It always comes back to you. And something that you’ve been believing, something that you’ve been thinking about yourself, your abilities, it always comes back to that. So when you can take that full responsibility, as much as you can take the responsibility for creating what you have now, you get the power and you really see that you have the power to create your future. So with that, if you’re ready for 2021 to be the year where you make the change, I’ve got you. So I’ll just go through quickly what I worked through with my clients, how we do it, you can listen to the real life successes on the podcast. They don’t lie.

In just three months, you could have the mindset of a hundred K earner that will naturally attract the roles that you want. Complete clarity on what makes you valuable and different so that you can communicate to your ideal organization. The value that you bring with ease, confidence, and certainty. When you work with me, you also get templates, scripts, and the exact method to getting responses from the companies that you want to work for. You get to essentially package your own brilliance into a unique set of stories that you then become known for, famous for, and uncomfortable with telling. You learn how to create your own opportunities. So I teach you my opportunity creation strategy that will have the right organizations eager to interview you. And instead of feeling like you’re the lucky one to get an interview, they’re going to feel lucky to have you applying as a candidate.

You’re going to get my elevated self-confidence process that you can relax into. And then you can trust that it’s going to help you when presenting yourself in interviews at your highest confidence levels. It’s the most effective and the most profound experience. You can hear my clients talking about it on the podcast. I encourage you to go listen to some of those interviews, if you haven’t already. And I will talk to you next week. Thank you so much. Have a great holiday. And I will talk to you, I guess in 2021. Well, I’ll talk to you in 2021 anyway, but I will talk to you next week. All right, bye.

So if you love listening to this podcast and you’ve always wanted to coach with me now is your chance. I am offering a few limited spots for free coaching sessions, and it’s going to cost you one iTunes review. Pretty good deal, right? So all you have to do is submit your iTunes review. Make sure you click the star rating and leave a written review. Take a screenshot of your submitted review and send it to my personal email at Natalie@AskNatalieFisher.com. That’s all you have to do. I will send you a link to book your free coaching session until spots fill up and I’ll be sharing these with my community.

So if you’ve got something you need coaching on, I can assure you, somebody else is going to benefit from that too. And it’s going to be a win-win for all of us. So can’t wait to see your reviews coming in and I can’t wait to coach you. Talk to you soon. Bye. Thanks for listening to this episode of Get a 6-Figure Job You Love podcast. If you’re ready to dive deeper into your career mindset and start creating bigger, more impactful results in your career join me at www.nataliefisher.ca/getstarted. I’ll see you over there.

 
 

 

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