When it comes to achieving a goal or making a change in your life, do you look at other people and try to figure out how they did it? Do you find yourself thinking that you have tried everything and nothing is working? It could be that you need to start taking responsibility for your actions.
We tend to think that other peoples’ success has something to do with our own, but it doesn’t. We can repeat all the actions that everyone else is telling us to take, but if we’re in an unconscious cycle of negative thinking, it doesn’t matter how much action we take. The key is in your mindset, and accepting that you are in control of your actions could help you finally make things work for you.
In this episode, I’m diving into a common misconception when it comes to achieving results and showing you what is really blocking you from success. I’m sharing the importance of improving your relationship with yourself, and how to be willing to step into that radical self-responsibility and do what it takes to show up differently and get the results you want.
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You’re listening to the Get a 6-Figure Job You Love podcast. This is episode 39, Radical Self-Responsibility. Hey there. Welcome to the Get a 6-Figure Job You Love podcast. I’m your host, Natalie Fisher. I’m a certified career mindset coach who also happens to want to skip all the BS and get to what it really takes to create real results for you and your career. On this podcast, you will create real mindset shifts that will lead to big results and big changes in your career and your income. No fluff here. If you want to get a six-figure job you love and create real concrete results in your industry and make a real impact, you’re in the right place. Are you ready? Let’s go.
Welcome to the podcast this week. Today, I’m talking about radical self responsibility. So some of you might be triggered by this while I’m talking about it, and you might find yourself in some of what I’m saying, but know that it all comes from love because I was there too at the point where I was doing all these behaviors. And I just want to share what wasn’t working, why it wasn’t working, and what does work and how you can make things work.
So the common misconception belief that I think we have when say we’re marketed a program is that this program is going to give us the things to do, we’re going to do them, and then we’re just supposed to get a result. And the reason, we just think that this is what we’re promised. But there’s a lot that we don’t know because that’s all we hear. We’re like, “Okay, do these things, and then you’re going to get the result.”
But it’s not true because if the program was what created the results, then everyone who went through the program would just get the results. And we know that doesn’t happen. So what sets apart the students who get those amazing mind-blowing results versus the ones that don’t get the results. And it’s not just doing the work because a lot of students do the work and still don’t get the result. And I know because I was one of those people.
So I know the topic super well, because for a couple years, I was the person who didn’t get the results from a program I signed up for. So I might get tiny results, like I would do all the work, and I would see some things working, but I didn’t get those crazy results like the testimonials where the people were saying they got all these amazing results. And I wasn’t that person, and I wasn’t getting them. And I was like frustrated.
So that’s what I want to talk about today because I know that this comes up for a lot of people when they’re thinking about making an investment, signing up for a program, doing something, they question themselves as to whether or not they’re going to be able to get the result. And so I’m diving into the difference between those people who do get the results, the people who make it work for them and the people that don’t. And I’m breaking down these two mindsets for exactly what the difference is.
Another thing that I see, so that the common misconception is that we think the program is going to create the results for us basically. We think if we just follow these steps, then we’re just going to get what the program promised. And there’s more to it than that, which we’ll talk about.
And then another thing that I see commonly is we think that other people’s successes have something to do with ours. So I’ll often get people emailing me saying, “What is your success rate? How many of the people that you work with have gotten results?” and so I encourage people to go to my celebrations page and read and listen to the podcast interviews of my clients, and I encouraged them to go look at all that information, which is publicly available. But I also want them to notice that the reason why they’re asking that question is because they somehow think, they’ve somehow linked in their mind, that other people’s results, somehow has something to do with theirs, They think somehow other people getting results can affect whether or not they do.
But it actually has nothing to do with other people. It scientifically doesn’t make sense. It’s not possible for somebody else who’s gotten results to mean anything about you and your ability to get results. So
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it’s a thought error in thinking, but it’s a very common one. And it makes sense that we would believe this. So we have this idea because I think this is kind of how we’re marketed to, because I feel like this is how I got caught up in that trap as well of believing like, okay, this program is promising this thing and all these people have gotten these results from it, so maybe I can too.
And I feel like when I believe this, when I was being sold, then I kind of thought that the program was the magical solution to my problem. And so I ended up spending a lot of money on programs, and I saw other people getting these great results, not understanding why I wasn’t, when I had done all the actions.
So what ends up happening is we keep thinking that then maybe it’s another program. So if one doesn’t work, we think, okay, maybe it’s another program or another teacher or another coach or another method or something else that might help us. And it happens with a bunch of different things. So if you see yourself getting stuck at a wall, like if you’re trying to create this thing, you’re trying to push through this result that you want to get, and it doesn’t have to apply to a program. It happens with ton of things. So another example is say you decide you want to learn a programming language, you say you want to be a programmer. And so you’re thinking, “Okay, I will start by learning C++ for example. That’s a programming language. And then you start learning it and your brain starts to say, “Oh, this is really hard. I’m not sure if I want to continue with this. This is hard.”
And then your brain might be like, “Well, maybe it’s C++. maybe it’s too hard. Maybe I should try Java instead. My friend said Java’s way easier. My friend said Java’s way better, so maybe I should try that.” So then they go do that, and then they find that hard too. And then they’re like, “Well, maybe I should try Python. My teacher said that I would be better suited for Python. So maybe I should try that instead.”
And so then we take another course on another thing, and then we could end up switching so many times because we’re not actually sitting and problem solving and troubleshooting the actual lesson that we need to learn, which is to get through learning C++, because there’s something in your brain that is blocking you from getting the result you want. And so you are making it mean that it’s the problem with the language. But it’s not actually the language, it’s the student. Because tons of people can learn C++, and that’s not a problem. It might be challenging, but they get through it.
So if you find yourself switching a lot, second guessing a lot, doubting yourself, like you’re going to see if you’re doing it in your behaviors. And so I see it in a ton of different ways. Somebody might try to interview several times, they’re getting interviews, and then they keep on not passing the interviews. They keep getting turned down. And then they’re like, “Well, maybe it’s because I need another certification. Maybe it’s because I need to go study this more. Maybe it’s because I need to get this. I need to go back and get an MBA.”
Or they think it’s something else that they need, when really they’re always going to come back and be blocked by that interview process because they’re avoiding the thing that’s hard. They’re not identifying the blockers, the mental blockers. And they’re just thinking that they need to change the circumstance outside of them when really they need to change how they are thinking. So then we could blame the programs for not working for us, blame the languages for being too hard or too complex, when in fact it’s the student, that’s not working, not the program.
So this was me, so I’m not judging. I did this for a long time. I got frustrated. I complained. I’m like, “It’s not working.” And then what I did was I wanted to show the work. I’m like, “But look, I did all this work and it’s not working.” And I had done so many things. I was the queen of taking action, but my action wasn’t getting the result I wanted. And I was just complaining and just repeating over and over, “I’m doing everything and it’s not working.”
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And that is a poisonous thought. So if I kept telling myself, “I’m doing everything and it’s not working,” that thought’s going to make me feel very frustrated. Trust me, because this is the exact thing I was doing. And then from frustration, I’m just going to keep doing the same thing over and over, harder and harder, and then the result I’m going to get is the same, which is not what I wanted.
So then, we can start to feel sorry for ourselves, blame other people, blame other programs for not getting the results. And as I said, I know this super well, because this is where I was for a couple of years, several years ago, doing this. And it’s not our fault. I was doing this and I was really trying, like I was really into the self-development, I was listening to Tony Robbins, I was trying to repeat mantras. Like I was really trying, so I felt like I really am doing my best.
But at the end of the day, we can repeat all the actions that we’ve taken, and we can repeat all the actions everybody else is telling us to take. But if we’re in an unconscious cycle of negative thinking, then it doesn’t matter how much action we take. And I was kind of unconsciously in the identity of a person who just tries and tries and tries and tries, but it doesn’t seem to work.
So the reason why this does not work is because we simply can’t out-act a negative mindset, a negative belief, or a negative thought. We cannot out-act a negative thought. So you can never take enough action to make up for negative thinking and negative mental programming. Trust me because I was there. And if it was possible to out-act it, I would have figured that out.
So I can tell you that the perfect script is not going to help you if your thinking is not aligned with what you’re saying. So I’m like, “I can sell you the perfect script for your interview answers, but I can’t sell you my self-confidence when delivering it.” You can get 70 certifications and a PhD, but if you have a toxic thought that is blocking you, for example, you believe you’re no good at selling yourself or you’re just not that confident, or you don’t think that you’re smart enough for the role or you’re scared you won’t be able to do it, then you can go on thousands of interviews and still think that it’s not working, when you’re in fact, it’s your brain that needs to be shifted. It’s not that you need more certifications.
And I have worked with people who have so much education, and they do not have the results. And so it’s our society. We’re programmed education is good. We don’t bat an eye at paying for hundreds of thousands of dollars for a university, but they don’t teach us how to actually create the result and make our investment back. They don’t teach us that part.
So you can go to try and learn five different programming languages, but if your background programming is still saying, “It’s too hard. I wasn’t cut out for this. My brain isn’t wired for this. I’m not technical.” If you’re thinking things like that, and you’re switching programming languages, then your brain will be like, “Let’s try something different. Let’s try another one. Maybe this one will be easier. Maybe this one will work better.” But really when you’re doing that, you’re avoiding the ultimate thing that you need to learn to get the results. So you’re not getting the lesson that you really needed to evolve, and that’s why people are stuck.
So what ends up happening is this shows up in your life, by you doing the same actions, harder and harder and not getting the result you want and getting more and more frustrated. So going on interviews without success, for example, changing the external circumstance, thinking that that’s what’s going to create our results. So signing up for a different program or just giving up signing up on programs altogether, but not really taking the action to move you in the right direction without having a proper plan. And then we doubt ourselves. We have trouble making decisions because we don’t trust ourselves to follow through, get the results. And it’s not a fun place to be. I was there for a long time. So that’s why I feel so strongly about it now, because I understand what it takes now.
We end up feeling a lot of fear, a fear that we’re never going to be able to do what we want. We think that for a long time, we’ve been trying for a long time, and it hasn’t been working, so we make that
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mean that we’re not going to be able to in the future. And then we think that we need reassurance from other people, from other people’s success, from other people’s results because we don’t trust ourselves. So we think that, like the another pattern I see people getting into, is that they just think of money going out. They don’t think of money coming in because they’re not trusting themselves to be able to create more money coming in, to be able to make more money come in. We all have super capable, smart human brains. And it’s just that we’re not using them to their full capacity.
So it’s like, I remember an analogy that one of my coaches used was a smartphone. She’s like, “We all have a smartphone, and some of us are using it like we’re install apps on it, we use it for music, we use it for this.” And other people are like, “Oh, your smartphone has a flashlight on it? Cool. It has a camera? How do you use that?” Some people are not using their smartphones to their full capacity. And they, because they just don’t know that it has certain features on there, like I didn’t know about certain features.
And so it’s the same with our brain. We’re not trained on what features we have in our brains so we can actually put them to use. And so then we live the majority of our time in fear, in second guessing, in confusion, in like scared that we’re not going to be able to do it. And then of course we’re afraid to sign up for anything or put ourselves in a commitment or an investment for anything because we don’t trust ourselves and we doubt ourselves.
So the problem that we run into is we aren’t clear that we actually have full control of whether something works or not for us because we’re the ones who make it work. So we end up being frustrated by programs, or we end up blaming other people because we’re attacking the wrong problem. Or like, “Okay, well maybe this program will help. Maybe this language will be easier. Maybe this other certification will be the thing that I need.” And that stuff is easier to do than it is to face the real issue, the real blocker, which is within yourself. So it’s not coming from anything external. It’s always going to be you.
So it doesn’t work or not work. It isn’t fun or not fun. It doesn’t pay off or not pay off. It isn’t easy or hard. It is not powerful. It really isn’t anything. You, on the other hand, you make it work or you quit. You create the result that you want or you give up. You decide to enjoy the process or you white knuckle through it and tire yourself out. You are the powerful one in your life. You are the one who creates everything around you. So knowing this in your bones is going to change your entire life.
So, you either already are somebody who does this, like you already are somebody who knows you can make things work for you. Or you want to focus on becoming the person who makes things work for you. So, you don’t want to be the person who’s waffling, doubting yourself, second guessing, wasting time in confusion, when really it’s up to you to make a decision and go for it and trust yourself to make that a good decision. So you need to ask yourself some questions here that I think will help you because it really comes down to the relationship you have with yourself.
So, some important questions to ask yourself are, do you trust yourself to get a result when you decide you want to do something? So, if you’ve decided you want to get a new job that pays a hundred K, do you trust yourself to do that? Why or why not? If that’s something you want, why haven’t you done it yet? And no judgment, just answer the question. And you’re not allowed to say, “I don’t know.” So if you did know, because when we say, “I don’t know,” we block all the openings to what we do know. So if you don’t know, take a guess. Your best guess is going to be better than anyone else’s guess.
On a one to 10 scale, how much do you leave that you will make it happen? If you’re not a hundred percent, why not? How much do you trust yourself on a one to 10 scale? What would it take for you to become confident enough in yourself to create the result you want? What would you need to believe about yourself to know that you can create what you want? What would it take for you to believe a
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hundred percent in yourself to get it done? What would need to happen? What would you need to do? How would you need to show up?
Because whether we want to admit it or not, this is the only way, because from where I was sitting, when I wasn’t moving forward and I wasn’t getting my results, I could blame others all I wanted. And we can do that. We can say, “It’s the program that didn’t work. This person didn’t help us. We weren’t able to understand. This course didn’t teach me the programming properly. This programming is too hard. This language is too hard. The requirements are just too much. We need too many certifications.”
Whatever you want to say, you can blame outside. But when you’re doing that, where does that get you? It doesn’t really get you anywhere, my friend, because you’re the one who’s sitting in the life of not getting what you wanted. So you can keep blaming, but it really does nothing. At the end of the day, you’re left with you not getting what you want.
So what it’s going to take is radical self-honesty to start with. And for a lot of people, this is kind of a punch in the face because they’re like, “Oh, I’m not used to this. I’m not used to taking responsibility for myself or for my own results.” And this is fine because like I said, it was me too. I was so the same. And so that’s why I feel strongly about it because I’m like, I figured it out. Now I really need to share it, so being willing to step into that radical self responsibility and seeing what it takes.
And it’s great news because just like it means you can’t blame anyone else for your lack of results, you also get to take all the credit for yourself when you do get the results that you want. And so what you end up getting to do when you understand this concept is you have the ability to make anything work for you because you know the result comes from you, not the program. You learn the only skill you need, which is the ability to make anything work for you, and that one skill alone, will allow you to do everything else that you’ve been afraid of doing. So then you can sign up. You can invest from a place of certainty in yourself, knowing that the results come from you. The ability to create the result you want to achieve any goal without needing a program or a coach knowing, you know what? I know that I’m going to do this, but I want to get this help because it’s going to help me do it faster. It’s going to be more efficient, from a place of wanting to do it, not because you need to.
You want to be in the energy and the vibe of someone who’s done it. You want someone who’s helped other people, and they have a way of explaining things that really works for you. You want to be able to ask questions and get the answers. That was big for me. That’s why I love working with a coach because I’m like, “Okay, I’m going to see what I’m doing. But then I want to ask this question. I want to get the answer to this.” And then that speeds you up because if you’re getting all your questions answered, and you just keep moving, you get there faster.
And with the work that I do, I teach my clients how to make things work for them, because this is the part that was missing for me for so long. And that’s why I became a coach. And that’s why my clients get results because I teach them how to fish, not just give them fish. I give them tools, so that they can make things work for them. They can feel confident that they make any program work that they want to. And that’s the sweet spot.
So when you’re not scared because you don’t trust yourself, when you’re not self doubting yourself, you can begin problem solving, driving yourself towards the result you want, knowing that you’re going to get there no matter what, because your in control of it. You get to work with a coach and be in the energy of a coach to observe how they are, you get to walk through a process that will help you, so that you can be around that and understand how to embody it for yourself. But my process a hundred percent works, but it only works if the student shows up and does their part. So that’s what I want to empower you to do is to become that person that shows up and gets all the results you want because you have that trust in yourself. And that’s what I teach my clients how to do.
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So I hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope it was really useful for you. It might’ve been a bit triggering for some people, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take because I love y’all, and I think it’s really, really going to help you because it changed my life. So thank you so much for listening, and I will talk to you next week. Bye.
If you’re resonating with what you’re hearing on the podcast, I want to tell you something. If we ever talk or work together or interact in any way, I will not, even for a minute, buy into the story that you can’t get the job you want at the pay you want and deserve. I will not buy into the story that the recruiters said you needed to have more experience. Or that you were told that you needed to get another degree or certification before you could be considered. Or that there are so many other great candidates out there that are more qualified who have already applied. Or that you need to check with your accountant first or whatever the excuse you have that robs you from your power.
I will not buy it because what I know for sure is that if you’re not being valued and if you’re not being paid at the level you know you can and deserve to be, there is a clear reason why. And it is a reason that is completely within your control.
If you want to learn what’s really been holding you back so far and you’re ready to get some help, head on over to www.nataliefisher.ca/apply. I will be able to help you identify why you’ve been stuck so far and exactly what you need to do to move forward. And I will help you do this by showing you how to take control of your career, how to set the frame for what you want, instead of thinking that you have to be at the mercy of what you have.
And as we all know, if you don’t believe that the job you want is available and that you can have it, you will always settle for the job you don’t want. If you are ready to move out of that space and into a better situation, I am here to help you. I’m going to teach you exactly what to do with lots of examples. Head on over to www.nataliefisher.ca/apply. I’ll see you over there.
Yeah. So I was actually a bit nervous about it because even though I knew I had hit all the targets in the past, I had been promised salary increases, and they’ve been actually taken back for various excuses that I don’t think were valid. But yeah, it was a very quick meeting. I got on the call, and my boss just immediately said, “Yeah, this is probably going to be a really quick call. You’ve hit all your targets. I’m really impressed with what you’ve done with very limited resources on the team. I think you’ve actually had a really big impact on the recent growth and success we’ve been seeing the last few months. And I have absolutely no hesitations with giving you your pay increase and have really enjoyed working with you so far.” So it was a really good, satisfying feeling to have.
First of all, your templates really helped because I was always trying to… your process, the process that you taught me during our coaching sessions. So I was sending a lot of emails and LinkedIn messages to hire managers into companies that were hiring. And it happened, well, I think it was a combination of different things. It’s amazing when you don’t give up and you keep going and yeah, at the end, I’m getting even more interviews even nowadays. So next week I will have another call.
For me, it was about letting go of that need to be perfect. So I think if anybody’s thinking that they need it to be perfect, it doesn’t need to be perfect. You just need to trust yourself enough that you can go in there and be yourself and be present and engage with the people across the table from you or across the Zoom from you as it is today.
I just didn’t expect it. I didn’t really expect to find what I wanted so closely.
When you leave me an iTunes review and send me a screenshot of the review directly to my email at firstname.lastname@example.org, I will send you a free gift as a thank you. And this free gift, I usually sell it for a hundred dollars, so it’s a hundred dollar value. And it contains 50 examples of behavioral interview questions. So if you’ve ever stumbled, second-guessed, rambled in an interview, not sure exactly what
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to say, I have this free guide that’s going to give you so many examples that there’s no way you’ll be confused at the end. It’s helped thousands of people land jobs, just from understanding so clearly what needs to be included.
So if you don’t know how to tell a good story, inside you’ll find the exact words. If you don’t know what stories to tell, you’re going to see the components of a successful story in action and 50 at that. You don’t think you have any good stories to share? Don’t worry. There’s 25 questions in there to ask yourself, to pull the stories from your own brain. To get your hands on this, all you have to do is leave me an iTunes review and send it to me to my email, and I will respond with this guide. Thank you so much for listening and I will talk to you soon. Bye.