The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship we will ever have. So why is it that so many of us are unconsciously talking negatively to ourselves on a daily basis?
When we negatively talk to ourselves, it gets in the way of how we show up in interviews and conversations where we need to show up confidently and powerfully. We create a perpetual state of making things harder for ourselves, and it is not helpful or effective.
Join me this week as I explain the problem with beating yourself up and share some tips to help you change your perspective and be kinder to yourself. I share what beating yourself up leads to, and how to start talking to yourself more intentionally to create the results you want.
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You’re listening to the Get a Six Figure Job You Love podcast. This is episode 37, Being Your Own Worst Self-Critic.
Hey there. Welcome to the Get A Six Figure Job You love podcast. I’m your host, Natalie Fisher. I’m a certified career mindset coach who also happens to want to skip all the BS and get to what it really takes to create real results for you and your career. On this podcast you will create real mindset shifts that will lead to big results and big changes in your career and your income. No fluff here. If you want to get a six-figure job you love and create real concrete results in your industry and make a real impact, you’re in the right place. Are you ready? Let’s go.
Hello and welcome to the podcast today, everyone. Welcome back to the new people, or to the people who have listening to me for a while, welcome, welcome. So today the theme that’s been coming up with a lot of my client calls, it’s just been showing up a lot, is how we talk to ourselves, and how it’s getting in the way of how we show up in interviews and in conversations where we need to show up confidently and powerfully. We’re not doing that because of how we’re talking to ourselves. So I want to dive into that topic today because it’s so much more important than we think, and we don’t really pay that much attention to it.
So the way that we talk to ourselves and the relationship that we have with ourselves is going to be the most important relationship we will ever have, because I saw this quote one time, it said, “The relationship you have with yourself is not one you can just get up and walk away from.” So if you don’t like what’s going on in your head, you have to figure out how to deal with it. You can’t just be like, “I’m out,” right? And so that’s why it’s so important that we decide intentionally how we want to talk to ourselves, and how we do that is we decide how we do it in the best way that’s going to create the feelings that we want to have so that we can show up in the way that we want to show up.
And from what I’ve noticed, a lot of you are talking a lot of crap to yourselves. So we are unconsciously talking to ourselves in a negative way on a daily basis. We’re constantly saying things like, “You should have known better. Why didn’t you do that? Why didn’t you figure that out before? What’s wrong with you? How could you not know that? You’ve been through this so many times already. How could you not have figured that out yet? You should have learned that by now.” Or, “You knew that. Why didn’t you say it?” Or, “There’s something wrong;” it’s always going to be something that’s going to make you feel crappy, because the way that you’re talking to yourself is crappy. And it can be very sneaky, like just a simple, “I should have done that better. I should have known.” Right?
And so the reason why we do it, and why we keep doing it, is because we think that it helps us. We think that it’s going to actually increase our performance. We think if we beat ourselves up, we’re going to be like, “Okay, we need to do better next time. Buckle down, do a better job next time.” And we think that we’re going to actually increase our performance and improve how we’re doing. And it’s kind of like when you see horse races and they’re beating the horses and then the horses run faster when they get whipped, right? I feel like that’s how we think our human brain works. But as I’m going to explain to you in this episode, it really doesn’t.
So what we do is we do the same thing. We do more of it. We’re like, “Okay, well I must not be beating myself up enough then, because I’m still not showing up how I want.” We talk more crap to ourselves, right? And so, essentially, this is emotionally punching ourselves in the face, and we get really good at it. And sometimes we even get proud of it. You know who I’m talking about. So you might be like, “I’ve just been doing it for so long, this is just how I am. I’m really, really proud of the fact that” … and not intentionally proud of it, but you’re just like, “I’m really good at just beating myself up.” And this is what I hear a lot, with a lot of my clients. They’ll be like, “Yeah, that’s just how I was raised. That’s just what we do.” You think that that is a good way to live.
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And so the reason why we do it is because we think that it works. And the reason is because we’ve either seen it work, or it’s worked in the past for a short amount of time. But the truth is, it doesn’t work sustainably for longterm, and it doesn’t feel good. And that’s why it doesn’t work sustainably for longterm. So what ends up happening is that we just adopt this paradigm of, “This is how it should be.” And there’s lots of examples in it. In sports, one of my clients mentioned that that’s how they teach sports. They knock you down so they can build you back up, or tear you down so they can build you back up. The military, for example, there’s so many different situations where that is an acceptable teaching tool or method to try to get somebody to do better.
And so we see that it kind of works, because it’s fear-based and it’s a body response, a normal mind response, that we kind of don’t question it and say, “Is it really the best way? Is it really the only way?” Absolutely not. Because when you’re negatively talking to somebody, so going back to the child analogy, when we’re negatively shaming the child or comparing them to somebody else who’s doing better or whatever we’re doing, however we’re choosing to communicate that to ourselves when we’re doing that …
So even comparing is a sneaky way of doing it. So if you’re comparing yourself to other people, you’re like, “Oh, I wish I was like them. I wish I was better.” That’s another way that you’re being your own worst self-critic, and it probably feels really, really bad. And so when you’re doing this, what you’re not doing is loving yourself, loving the child. So your inner child. Your inner child’s in there, right? Being present with yourself, being present with the child. Actually talking to the child to see how they are doing and how they’re feeling. Taking time to learn more, go deeper, learn about what the child needs right now, what they fear, what their super powers are, and what their big dreams are. Not going in there and figuring out and uncovering what’s really important, and not noticing and celebrating the uniqueness of what they have done or where they are or who they are. You’re not noticing the uniqueness of the fact that they’re born on this planet, one in seven billion people. You’re not noticing and celebrating the future trajectory that lies ahead, which is unlike anybody else’s. You’re not being the one person in the world who believes in them unconditionally and thinks they’re the best and is there to support them no matter what.
And so any time you’re feeling insecure, about yourself, about your inner child, about the child, because we’re using this analogy, that’s not the child’s problem. It’s yours. So let’s imagine the child is always perfect, and it’s about how you talked to the child, because the child doesn’t know any better yet. I have heard that your identity is formed when you’re growing up, up until the age of eight. And so that’s why the child analogy is so powerful, because that’s when your brain is forming, and that’s when you’re forming your identity. And that’s why it’s so important to be able to talk to the child in a way where the identity is formed, not from a place of, “You’re not good enough,” but from a place of, “You are worthy, no matter what. Now, what do you want to do? And how can we explore the best of what is in there? How can we get curious? How can we help you, rather than make you feel like crap?”
So that is definitely the shift in paradigm that I want you to see, because when you are criticizing yourself, comparing yourself, beating yourself up, metaphorically punching yourself in the face, whatever you want to call it. When you’re doing that, you’re not doing all the things you do need to be doing in order to get yourself to the next level in a compassionate, caring way. And let’s say you get to where you’re going by beating yourself up. What then? It just means you’re going to have to beat yourself up harder the next time to get to where you’re going the next time. And how much of that are you going to be able to take, realistically?
And so these things are just digging into the fact that we’re not good enough how we are, right? It’s like, “Yeah, you did pretty good, but you didn’t win, so you didn’t do good enough.” And so when we keep receiving those messages, we have to look at how we feel. We don’t feel good. The instinctive thing is
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we think we’re going to feel so motivated to go back and be like, “Oh, I’m going to do so much better the next time.” But you still have to take that feeling in and not feel very good for a while. And so it doesn’t actually motivate you to do better.
So that’s where we make the mistake. We think that it’s going to motivate us to do better, but then it really doesn’t. And this shows up a lot with my clients, with their jobs. So some of my clients are working in jobs right now, and they may feel like they’re taking on too much or they’re struggling with their confidence to be able to get this stuff done. Now that they’ve gotten into this great position, they’re like, “Oh my God, how am I going to add value?” And so it shows up with them with their self-talk again, because now they’ve got past the interview process and they understand how to talk to themselves before an interview. Then they’ve got this new level of, “How am I going to actually add the value in this role?”
And so it comes up at all levels, and this all comes back to how we talk to ourselves and the relationship that we have with ourselves. And what we have to see is that beating ourselves up and focusing on what we didn’t do well, on what we don’t know, on what we’re not doing, is never going to create that result that you want. It’s never going to serve a purpose for you. And it’s never going to cultivate a good feeling or a good relationship with yourself. And it just doesn’t help in any way.
And same with an employee. So we all know, that’s a very common thing, that we want to train managers to engage their employees more by giving them proper credit, proper rewards, having a proper reward system, having a proper thing in place so that the employees feel like they’re valued and appreciated and part of a team, right? That’s where people want to work. So we know that that’s more effective; there’s a lot of studies that show that when we’re giving people appropriate credit and we’re doing fun things and investing in our employees and giving them things that are going to support their growth … and I don’t mean just positive words, like, “Oh, that’s great.” That helps a lot, sometimes you want to say thank you to people, for sure, but I don’t just mean that. I mean having systems in place to keep them engaged and keep their learning and growth going, and having a culture where they’re able to make mistakes and that’s not a problem. We don’t want to punish somebody for trying something and then having it not work out, we want to encourage them to try things, because that’s what’s going to add the value, that’s how they’re going to create more results and do better in the organization.
So we know that there’s a lot of studies around that, that show us that that kind of culture creates more productive, happier employees that stay longer. So there’s all this evidence to show that beating ourselves down, being hard on ourselves, being our own worst self-critic, is not effective. There’s a lot of studies that show that. And I do believe that is why it’s an outdated paradigm, that it would be pretty unheard of nowadays to hear that somebody is beating their child, that would be abuse and then there would be a problem, right? We don’t do that anymore. But we used to.
So it’s just kind of shifting to showing you that beating ourselves up, being our own worst self-critic, even though we thought that was a good idea, it really isn’t. Because what it does, it creates this perpetual state of us being hard on ourselves. It makes things harder for us. So if you’re doing this, not only are you being really hard on yourself, but then you’re making things harder for yourself because you’re suffering. You’re thinking these thoughts and you’re having these really bad feelings of anxiety or pressure. You’ve set up this unwinnable game for yourself. So you think that you need to be perfect and you need to do everything right, and if you don’t, then you’re not worthy or not good enough. And it sets up this unwinnable game, because of course we know we’re human and we’re never going to have everything perfect and we’re not ever going to know everything. So it creates this perpetual state of failing and never getting there, and just this impossible standard that we’re never going to meet, which creates the environment of de-motivation. So it actually creates the difference of what we can be creating.
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So I want to offer the different approach, which I’ve seen, and it’s proven to be so much more effective. And I know it firsthand because I used to do this too. I think we all used to do it. I think we all do it sometimes. Even I still do it sometimes, but I have a coach and she’ll call me out. But it’s going to be noticing that that approach isn’t working anymore, and teaching yourself; “Every time I beat myself up, I feel crappy, and then I don’t actually end up getting the result that I want. And if I do, I’m still going to feel crappy, so something’s off here, because this is not how I want to be living my life.” At least it wasn’t for me.
So the new approach is going to be just say we have a child who didn’t do very well on a test, or say they went to go play soccer and they didn’t kick the ball or they didn’t get the result that one was hoping they’d get or that they wanted to get or that was the goal. They didn’t get it. And so instead of beating them up or saying, “You didn’t do a good job,” or, “You’re didn’t practice enough,” or, “You didn’t do what you were supposed to do; why didn’t you?” So instead of talking to them like that, instead of talking to ourselves like that, we need to just take a very neutral approach to it and approach it from just the problem-solving space.
So there is no shame necessary ever. It’s not helpful. It’s not helpful to shame anybody or yourself for a result you didn’t get. You want to create a different result? Let’s look at it. So we need to get to the point where we’re like, “Okay, so what did you do that did work here? You did get these questions right on the test, so that’s good. Why did you get these right? What were you thinking that got you to succeed in this area? And then this section, you did not get these right.” So it’s not like, “Oh, you’re bad for not getting them right,” what if it was all just neutral? And we were just like, “Okay, so you did not get those right. So what was it that you didn’t understand about those ones? Why didn’t you get those right?” And asking it in a completely neutral way where we’re not interrogating ourselves or the person, we’re just wondering. We’re just getting curious, right?
And then you are inviting inquiry. That’s an invitation for inquiry, and you can just be like, “Okay, so let’s take it apart. What didn’t I get? Was it that I missed this section? I didn’t know I had to study for it? I wasn’t sure about this and I just kind of started studying and then I gave up because it was too hard and my brain was like, I don’t want to do that part? Or did you get tired and not give yourself enough time to study? What happened there?” And that is where all the gold lies. We get that information and then we can create the different results that we want. And we get to create them so much faster, and we don’t have to spend time beating ourselves up, because that’s just a waste of time. And it’s a waste of our feeling. We’re just feeling bad when it’s not necessary.
Because you are able to figure things out, right? You’re able to look at something and be like, “Okay, I didn’t get those questions on the test right because I missed something there.” And then that’s where you’ve got to go to your ability to figure something out. You’re like, “Okay, so I didn’t figure those out, I didn’t get that right the first time. So where did I go wrong? What didn’t I see?” And you have to have the faith and strength of your own resourcefulness to be able to say, “But I can figure it out. And I just need to see what happened and why I didn’t.” Simple as that.
And if you have trouble getting on board with that, you have figured things out up until now, right? So everyone I talk to, I’ll be like, “I bet there was a time when you had to do something and you didn’t know how to do it, and you were like, ‘I have no idea how I’m going to make that happen,’ and then you did, right? And that’s where you are resourceful.” So there’s no such thing as an unresourceful person, there’s just such thing as an unresourceful state. And your state is going to be how you’re thinking about the situation and how you’re feeling. So if you haven’t figured something out before, or you can’t think of it, it’s simply because you haven’t been thinking in a resourceful manner. And there are lots of times when I’m sure you have figured things out, because every single client I talk to is going to have a situation like that, even if it takes a few questions to get it out of them. So that’s where you can pull
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from; “I have always figured things out in the past, and I will always figure things out in the future. I don’t need to know everything 100% of the time, because that’s impossible.”
So, why this is a much more effective stance to take? Because now we know that when we’re feeling just neutral in problem-solving mode, and you don’t even have to feel good, you just have to feel more productive and focused on, “This is the result that I want.” And it’s kind of a waste of time to beat yourself up. So if we’re just beating ourselves up, punching ourselves in the face, we’re wasting time on looking at this result that we want to create in a productive manner to see where we need to go.
So it’s not about not being worthy. It’s not about not being good enough or smart enough. It’s not about putting pressure on yourself to do better. It’s not about whipping yourself like a horse to run faster, or beating yourself in any way. It’s not about that at all. So you just have to teach yourself that that’s just never going to be something that gets you where you want.
So the reason why approaching something very neutrally is so much more productive is because once you’re at ease with yourself, once you know, and this is something I want to share with you, that you are worthy as a human, even if you don’t do anything. So even if you sit on the couch and watch TV all day, even if you didn’t do your laundry today and you wanted to, even if you forgot to pick up your kid from school, you are worthy as a human, no matter what. And so that’s what we first need to know, because then we can stop putting this pressure on ourselves. Because the only reason we want to get better, the only reason we want to do more things, is because we want to, because we’re actually here to grow and evolve.
And Tony Robbins said this years ago, and I remember it, he said, “If you did have all the money and you were skinny and rich and you had everything you wanted and you could just go sit on the beach and drink pina coladas all day, you would get bored.” So you could go do that, and you might do that for a couple of weeks, but you’re going to get bored, right? You can’t just sit there and bliss out and that’s your entire life. Then you’re going to start to feel antsy, and you’re going to be like, “I want to go for a bike ride or something. I want to do something. I want to go climb a mountain.” You’ll start thinking about things that you might want to do, because we’re not supposed to just sit and bliss out and be happy all the time. We’re not supposed to. And if that was what was supposed to happen, then we would all be doing that and that’s how the world would be. So we think we want that, but we don’t.
And so the reason why you want to do better, the whole premise for why we’re beating ourselves up in the first place, is because we want to create. We want to evolve. We want to show ourselves what we’re capable of. And that’s a beautiful thing, but we can do that without being our own worst self-critic, right? And that’s the new way that I’d like to introduce to you to do it, because I’ve done it that way and it’s felt so much better. I don’t need to beat myself up on a daily basis, because I don’t find it effective at all.
And so if you’re doing this, and you might have other people who are asking a lot of you, you have high expectations, and so you might be like, “Oh, but I have to.” But you want to look at the results you’re getting. How are you performing when you’re under this kind of pressure from other people or from yourself? Which, if it’s coming from other people, it might be even amplified with how you talk to yourself. But how does that actually make you perform? You want to take a look at that, because we’re humans, we’re not horses. And so it’s not an instinctual thing where we’re just going to perform better. We’re going to try our best, but if it’s not coming from that place that we need it to come from, which is neutrally looking effectively and productively at what it is we want to create, then we’re going to have a harder time doing it. And even if we do it, we’re going to feel really crappy about it and we’re never really going to enjoy what we end up creating.
So if you support the child, so going back to that example, if you’re able to support the child or the employee in a much better way, then they are going to excel. And the reason for this is because they’re
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going to know that they can try something, and if it doesn’t work, they can just assess it and try another thing. So they’re going to have the freedom to fail and keep going and explore and evolve. And they’re going to have the willingness to figure things out, the willingness to try more things, and more wants to keep going, more desire and more drive. And then that’s going to result in their goals being achieved, and them becoming somebody who knows they can do something if they want to do it. Whereas, if we’re in that perfectionist mentality of your identity is, “I need to be perfect all the time,” you basically set up this game to be unwinnable for yourself. And you’re never going to achieve perfectionism. And it’s like a perfectionist fantasy; you think everything should be perfect and that’s what you’re always striving for, and then you don’t create what you want because you can’t really ever. So then you focus all your energy on creating this version of a perfectionist fantasy, and then you end up doing a lot less. Right?
So it’s kind of like if somebody wants to lose weight, and say they’re pretty far away from their goal. So they want to lose 100 pounds, and then they decide, “I’m going to run 10 miles every day.” And they’re like, “I’m committed, I’m going to run 10 miles every day,” and that’s their perfectionist fantasy, that’s what they want to do in order to lose 100 pounds, it’s very unlikely that they’re going to follow through with that. That’s a very unrealistic goal to set for themselves. So they’d want to set something that they could do. And if your perfectionist fantasy is to get all the answers right in an interview and be able to answer them all perfectly, and you keep never doing that because there’s always something they ask that you don’t know, then you’re going to just feel bad every time you don’t do it, even if you’re still moving forward.
So I know clients of mine have definitely moved forward, even if they don’t know the answers to everything, and I have too, so I can tell you right now, you don’t need to be perfect to get the results you want. You don’t need to feel happy all the time. You don’t need to get every single question right 100% of the time. This is not something I’m super proud of, but I was actually late for an interview one time, and I still got the job. The reason for this, I believe, was because I didn’t make it a problem. I didn’t apologize profusely. I mean, I apologized once and then I explained to her what happened. I had trouble finding parking and I didn’t give myself enough time to get to the place, and I rushed there. So I explained to her what happened, but I didn’t make a big deal about it and say, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I really should’ve left myself more time.” And I didn’t dwell on that and keep going into that, so we just got down to business and I was just like, “Okay, so what is it that you need? What are you looking for? What do you want to do?” And she’d already looked at my resume, so we had a good chat and I got the job.
And so you can even be late to an interview and still get the job. So I’m not encouraging that at all, I’m just saying, it’s how you think about it that’s going to impact how somebody else thinks about it. Because I do believe that if I had been apologizing profusely, making it a big deal, keep coming back to it and just feeling bad … because I also could have let it get in the way of how I showed up at the interview. I could have just been like, “Oh my God, this is done. I’m late, there’s no way that she’s going to hire me now. I’m late.” If I had been thinking that, I wouldn’t have been able to get into the conversation that we got into, which ultimately led to me being hired. So, another example of not having to be perfect.
And so I can still add a lot of value on this podcast, even though I have sometimes stumbled over my words or not had the perfect thing to say. Now I write out an outline, but I don’t always say everything exactly, and sometimes I’ll think of random things. And so I’m not caught up on being perfect, I’m just caught up on adding value. And that value can only be added when I get something out there and I put it out even if it’s not perfect. That’s how it’s going to be created. That’s how it’s going to get into the hands of you guys, how you’re going to listen to it, and how you’re going to have a different experience from it.
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If I was trying to be perfect, I might have to record this 100 times over, and then I’d put it out and I would have significantly less content out.
And so that’s another thing; when you’re beating yourself up over not being perfect, you’re taking less action. So when you can be at more at home with yourself, more relaxed, more accepting of whatever happens, happens, then you’re going to take more action and you’re going to drive yourself forward a lot faster towards the results that you want. So, take it from me, you don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to know everything, and you don’t even have to be on time. But I don’t encourage you being late.
So the necessary skills that you need to be able to stop beating yourself up are always going to be awareness. That’s the one I always come back to, is you need to be aware that you’re doing it, and you need to be aware of how you’re feeling, and you need to assess the results that you’re getting in your life. So if you’re beating yourself up and you want to argue that it’s been working for you, then maybe it has been. I don’t think it’s a sustainable solution at all, but I also know that you’re not going to be fulfilled when you get to your end result, because you’re going to be so tired from beating yourself up and you’re going to feel crappy. And it’s also just completely unnecessary. I feel like we all go through a lot of unnecessary suffering in our lives because we think that’s how we’re supposed to think to be effective. Well, you don’t have to. And it’s much better doing it the other way.
And then you need self-confidence. You need to be able to pull on your own ability to be resourceful and figure things out. So self-confidence is when you know you can figure something out, even if you’ve never done it before. And you want to have a high level of self-confidence, and you can generate that by just thinking of things you’ve figured out before that you didn’t know how to do.
And then the results that you get to create for yourself that are going to be different when you drop this habit of being your own worst self-critic, is you get certainty in yourself, which is the certainty that you create in yourself is really the only one that you ever get in life. It’s you get to make promises to yourself and keep them, you get to decide how you’re going to think and feel. You get all that because you get to tell yourself how you’re going to do it. And certainty, the by-product of that, is that certainty sells. Certainty is an emotion that sells better than anything I know. So when you’re certain in yourself, then others find it very easy to be certain about you. They’re more compelled to be confident about you because you’re confident about you. You get to have your own back, no matter what. So if you don’t know the answer to something and you don’t make it a big deal because you have your own back, then chances are, other people are not going to think it’s a big deal either. And I’ve learned that from a lot of experience. So you get to decide to have your own back, no matter what happens, right? And you get to choose to talk to yourself in a certain way, no matter what happens.
And so I bring you back to you would talk to your child. So say they go to an interview and they don’t get it, or they think they made a mistake here or there, how would you talk to them about it? And you get to have your own back, no matter what, you get to have confidence and certainty in yourself. And then you get to relax, knowing that you will take care of you, no matter what. You get to focus your certainty in your ability to figure it out, instead of focusing yourself on what you didn’t do, how awful you were, what you should have done, or what you really should have prepared for that you didn’t.
And there you have it. That is today’s episode. Thank you so much for listening, my friends. And I really hope that this helps. I really feel strongly about this. So if you’re beating yourself up, just remember, come back to always talking to yourself as if you were your best friend, or as if you were talking to your child, somebody that you love and support and want to see them do well. And if you have other people that have been talking to you in a way that you don’t feel good about, go to my episode on shame intolerance and I will help you deal with that there, as well as the intentional self-confidence episode. Those are two more that I would recommend if you haven’t already listened. And I will talk to you next week. Thank you. Bye.
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If you’re resonating with what you’re hearing on the podcast, I want to tell you something. If we ever talk or work together or interact in any way, I will not even for a minute buy into the story that you can’t get the job you want and the pay you want and deserve. I will not buy into the story that the recruiter said you needed to have more experience, or that you were told that you needed to get another degree or certification before you could be considered, or that there are so many other great candidates out there that are more qualified who have already applied, or that you need to check with your accountant first, or whatever the excuse you have that robs you from your power. I will not buy it. Because what I know for sure is that if you’re not being valued and if you’re not being paid at the level you know you can and deserve to be, there is a clear reason why, and it is a reason that is completely within your control.
If you want to learn what’s really been holding you back so far and you’re ready to get some help, head on over to www.nataliefisher.ca/apply. I will be able to help you identify why you’ve been stuck so far and exactly what you need to do to move forward. And I will help you do this by showing you how to take control of your career, how to set the frame for what you want, instead of thinking that you have to be at the mercy of what you have. And as we all know, if you don’t believe that the job you want is available and that you can have it, you will always settle for the jobs you don’t want. If you are ready to move out of that space and into a better situation, I am here to help you. I’m going to teach you exactly what to do with lots of examples. Head on over to www.nataliefisher.ca/apply. I’ll see you over there.
I think what happens on our calls is that you’re able to just ask me questions in a way that make me really think about things logically and put things into perspective, and make me realize that, yeah, I have no reason to be doubting or fearing or being worried. And you have a way of really putting things into perspective and showing me what it actually really looks like. It’s kind of a reality check.
Yeah, I mean, I feel more confident, and I feel like it really helped me to better understand the job market in the States and to find that validation that I can thrive professionally, even in another country. So feeling more confident and feeling that validation that I’m capable of achieving more.
And I think one of the things that you said that helped me as well was … because it’s uncomfortable being unemployed anyway, you would say to me, “Look, it’s already uncomfortable. So it’s uncomfortable either way. You can either go out and do this stuff and it’s going to be uncomfortable, or you can sit at home and not do it and it’s also going to be uncomfortable.” And so I was like, “Okay, you’re right.”
Your coaching, and I’m not only just saying that because you’re interviewing me, but one of the things I would spend so much time on is the skill, the content, the areas, just the skill of things that I already knew I could do with my eyes closed. That part, I would say, “Okay, let me read more articles on how to do certain strategies in reading and ELA.” One of the pieces that I missed and I totally neglected was the other side, how I show up.
When I talked to you, I was motivated. It’s like I knew that even if I didn’t do what I was expecting the week before, I knew that when I will be talking to you, you would give me inspiration or advice or things that would help me to do better the next week. So it was like, “Okay, even if it doesn’t work, I still have to show up on the coaching session because I know that it’s important and that it would help me for the next time.”
You helped me a lot with learning how to approach people, because it’s kind of hard to just say, “Oh, hey, I want to get to know you,” when you’re cold calling, basically. You’re cold emailing. I was not used to that. I needed those initial scripts to get me going, because it wasn’t that I was being disingenuous, and I didn’t want to just come out and be like, “Hey, do you have any openings?” I was looking for advice.
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I feel like it was just the accountability and knowing that we had the weekly meetings, but I could still reach out to you if anything would happen. And yes, it most definitely was useful as the time went on and we were working together, and then all my results started pouring in. Because I remember, at first, I’m just putting out the feelers and everything, stepping a little bit into the process, sending things out, and there was nothing for the first week and a half. And all of a sudden, before we had our other meeting, I just got slammed with all these interview requests, alumni connections, and I’m like, “Where did all this come from?” This is something I was not used to at all.
It’s your investment, it’s your life, and if I were them, I would not change it for no one. I wish I would have found you sooner.
When you leave me an iTunes review and send me a screenshot of the review directly to my email at firstname.lastname@example.org, I will send you a free gift as a thank you. And this free gift, I usually sell it for $100, so it’s $100 value, and it contains 50 examples of behavioral interview questions. So if you’ve ever stumbled, second guessed, rambled in an interview, not sure exactly what to say, I have this free guide that’s going to give you so many examples that there’s no way you’ll be confused at the end. It’s helped thousands of people land jobs, just from understanding so clearly what needs to be included. So if you don’t know how to tell a good story, inside you’ll find the exact words. If you don’t know what stories to tell, you’re going to see the components of a successful story in action. And 50 at that. You don’t think you have any good stories to share? Don’t worry, there’s 25 questions in there to ask yourself to pull the stories from your own brain. To get your hands on this, all you have to do is leave me an iTunes review and send it to me to my email, and I will respond with this guide.
Thank you so much for listening and I will talk to you soon. Bye.