How to network (even when you hate talking to people)


 
 

Admit it: you know networking is important, but you dread it. You’d rather be at home, curled up with a good book. You’d even be happy if the book itself was about how to network — at least that would be better than actually having to go to a network event.

 

When you do go to networking events, you stand in the corner on your phone and pretend to check your email 18 times to avoid talking to someone new.

 

Let’s face it: The real reason you hate networking is you’re afraid you’ll say something stupid, or you’ll have nothing to say at all, and then that long awkward silence will happen — you know, the one that lasts just long enough that it starts to get really uncomfortable.

 

One of you will inevitably mutter, “OK, well, I’ll see you later,” a business card may or may not be exchanged, and the interaction will be over (thank God!). You’ll want to be done with the event 15 minutes in, but you’ll know you’ll have to talk to more people in this weird, unstructured environment that we humans insist is an enjoyable place to gather.

 

I get it. I was useless at networking, too… until I made a friend who is the absolute master of networking successfully both online and offline. Here are a few tips I learned about building my network from following her around.

 
 

Networking at events:

 

The people who tend to be rockstars at networking events are:

 
 

(a) Genuinely interested in other people.

 

I used to bombard people with questions. I thought that was the only way to keep a conversation going — ask good questions, right? Yes, but that’s not all. I had one guy actually say to me, “I’m not really used to be interviewed at these things.” That’s when I knew I was overdoing it.

 

When I saw my friend Becca in action, I noticed that she did ask questions, but she also revealed stories about herself and shared helpful information freely. The combination of asking questions and sharing is a fine balance. Mastering this balance could just be the ultimate key to likeability.

 

Think about it.

 

Would you enjoy talking to someone who only talked about themselves and was completely uninterested in you? We’ve all met those guys. You’d also probably want a break from answering questions about yourself the whole time, because that gets a little weird.

 

In order to form a connection with someone, you must reveal a little about yourself (tell stories that make you sound funny or look smart) and also ask questions. Make it your mission to find out what’s interesting about the person you’re speaking to. Once you get them talking about that topic that lights them up, they will love talking to you, and you can just sit back and listen.

 
 

(b) Looking for opportunities to help.

 

While following Becca around, I was taking notes like a banshee. Here are a few ways Becca helped someone in a single conversation:

 

  • Introduced them to the online community she created on Slack to help them get a job when they had just moved to the city

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  • Recommended a beer they might like

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  • Recommended a particular Cesar Milan episode when she heard about their dog’s aggressive behavior

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  • Invited them to an acupuncture session when they mentioned back pain

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  • Recommended a book for them when they were having trouble with their teenager

 

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While anecdotal words of advice are all well and good, if the reason you detest networking events is that you’re shy, you may still be feeling a little skeptical. In that case, here are some tips the introverted networker can try to get the most out of these events with the least amount of strain:

 
 

1. Arrive early for “introvert hour”— the earlier you get to the event, the smaller the crowd is likely to be. This can make it easier for the introverts among us to approach strangers and spark up conversations without feeling quite so threatened. Plus, since there are generally fewer people to talk to, your chances of having a lengthier, more quality conversation with someone are higher. And making even one true connection early on in the night is ideal for both confidence building and accessing an easy gateway for more introductions, as your new pal could serve as a springboard for meeting others without having to do “cold calls” with yet more strangers. A win-win!

 
 

2. Set realistic goals for yourself. Thinking you should be waltzing in and getting to know every single attendee in order for the event to be a success is only setting yourself up for failure. And besides, when it comes to networking, quality is by far better than quantity — this isn’t a business card collection contest. Set an attainable goal of making five meaningful connections — then, high tail outta there and get home to Netflix as your reward. You earned it!

 
 

3. Identify a few icebreaker topics in advance. Once you get to chatting, the conversation will ideally take its natural course sans script, but it can never hurt to have a handful of icebreakers at the ready. A few you could try out? “You seem like you’ve been to one of these events before — I haven’t. Any tips you could give me on what to expect?” “Are you originally from (city’s name), or did work bring you here?” “What do you like to do for fun — besides living it up at networking events, that is?”

 
 

4. Don’t be afraid to take a breather. As an introvert, socializing with other people (especially strangers) is likely to function as a pretty big drain on your energy levels. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, don’t hesitate to dip outside, to the bathroom, or to the food table to have a tiny recharge moment for yourself. Breathe, and remember the intention you set for yourself this evening. How close are you to accomplishing your goal? Remember that the sooner it’s done, the sooner you can head home.

 
 

5. Volunteer to help run the event. You may be thinking this sounds really ridiculously outside your comfort zone, but you’d be surprised at the positive impact this kind of contribution can have on your networking experience at large. As one of the night’s planners, you’ll be entering into the event with pre-made contacts by default, and attendees will be more inclined to seek you out to connect (versus you doing all the legwork). That’s because being one of the event’s organizers makes you seem action-oriented, dependable, and connected yourself — and therefore, like someone worth knowing. This can have a major impact on the number and quality of connections you make.

 
 

Networking online:

 

So… now that you know what makes people good at networking in-person, let’s talk about the more fun type of networking — i.e., the kind you can do without even leaving your computer; thanks social media! (Note: These are also the same tips for following up with someone after you’ve met in person, if you’d like to keep in touch.)

 

  • Send job leads, interesting articles, or recommend good books

For example, I’m subscribed to Seth Godin’s daily blog, and every once in awhile I get something that makes me think of someone in my network. I forward it to them, and they love that I thought of them.

 

  • Use a friendly tool, like Slack, to create your own networking community

It’s free, and it spreads like wildfire. Becca grew a community organically to 1,000 members in a few months. It’s become a hub for events, careers, job search help, and random shop talk for our city’s technology sector.

 

You can create a free Slack group for whomever and whatever you want. Everyone you invite into the group just needs to have something in common. It could be an industry like technology, a location like NYC, a career focus like Human Resources or People Operations, or a field of study like Geology.

 

Like-minded people love a way to unite, especially if it’s easy, fun, and they don’t have to leave their couch.

 

The good news is that when you learn enough about networking, you’ll find a way of doing it that works for you. It won’t feel stupidly uncomfortable once you find your own networking muscles and build them up.

 

Imagine getting home and seeing your inbox full of thank you’s from your newly founded network, or seeing your name mentioned a bunch of times in the Slack group for creating such an awesome online community that’s bringing like-minded people together.

 

Imagine leaving a network event feeling like you made genuine connections, instead of awkwardly collecting business cards (which, by the way, you have no idea what to do with now).

 

To start with, try one of the techniques above.

 

You’ll grow your network faster than you ever thought possible, be it at your next network event or via social media.

 
 

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Originally posted on fairygodboss.com Click here to see originally post.

 

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